750 words - day 6

 So I did something a bit unusually different the other day. I did a meditative trance healing for a former version of myself. I have this understanding that I do not (we, none of us do) live in just this one seemingly present reality. This reality that I see myself living in is like the dream that I am awake in while I'm sleeping.  It's only one facet of the complex nature of my immortal soul. When I, this body in this reality am sleeping, and then enter into dream activities, perhaps those other versions of "me" that I see are just as real as this one here seems to be. I live just as hard and with as much focus in those dream-me realities as I do in this one. Its just that this one is what has captured the majority of my conscious awareness. In this healing I performed I wanted to forgive versions of myself that were injured emotionally in their alternate dimensions, because after all, they are part of what make up my current reality. I wanted to heal the broken artists, musicians, writers that I have been, or are, because how they suffer affects how I suffer. I guess this is something I could write a book about to explain it better.

So I have an astrology prediction application on my phone. It's one of those apps that suggests making friends with all the people in your phone's contact list, so I said, sure let's do that. Turns out that only one other person of the hundreds of contacts in my phone is also using the application. It's an odd application in that it analyzes your astrology chart and offers you deep character analysis similar to what you might receive from an expensive therapist. And this is where it gets more interesting. It tells me things about the character issues my friends in the app are experiencing, and goes so far as to intertwine their issues with my own. For instance, here's what it told me today about "that friend"... "At times, Rachel's afraid of what she thinks - her perspective can be different from most people's. But if she pretends to be conventional, over time she may become a stranger to herself. She may stifle her impulses so powerfully that she's not connected to her truth. Rachel's the kind of friend you can relax with - it's like you can just be yourself around her. She bolsters your sense of security and helps you feel more confident about yourself. If you choose, you'd make good roommates." Here's the catch though. Rachel doesn't like me. We were friends at one point in time, but she broke off our friendship and I have not spoken to her in years.

Thinking in a creative writing type of mind, this strange and rather suggestive thing this application is doing, comparing my birth chart to hers without us intentionally agreeing with each other to do so gives me fodder for a short story idea. In this world of increasing isolation and separation, I, as a lonely person that also lacks self confidence - like, I was hurt when she broke off the relationship because I didn't think that what she thought was an issue was really an issue at all. I didn't argue with her over it. I just roll with the blows I take in this world. Who wants to fight with someone to try to make them like you? But now, in advanced stages of estrangement one is pushed to think creatively. If she won't be my friend in the real world, why don't I just be friends with her in my imagination? Why don't I take these bits of analysis and advice from the "astrology therapist" and pretend that she's my friend. Create this whole world of engagements and activities that she and I enjoy together in my own private mind. I know, it's a bit sad and desperate to think that someone could, or would do such a thing as this. I wonder how far I could run with the idea for a story, how complex of a make-believe-world I could generate for these two people to explore. But more deeply, analyze the affects that both the loneliness and the imagined story have on the main character. I do have better things to do with my time, don't I?

Contrarily why not do what you did in the opening lines of this article today. Go into meditation and do healings for what was broken between the two of you. Not with the ambition to wrestle "Rachel" out of the decisions she's made to ostracize yourself, but to fix things up so that there are no residual hard feelings.  Some people are not aware of the damage they do when they discard people recklessly from their lives and leave a trail of scarred and decaying corpses in their trail.