THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

she's the love of my life, pure and simple. by that i mean she is the most ultimate match of my soul that iv'e ever come across yet and she fills up my life now . our lives are an enigma that neither of us can decipher the mystery of, and we love it. yet we are not boy and girl friend, we are not lovers. we are soul mates, of a sort. there are so many similarities that we share in our interests and in our life goals, but it goes deeper because we have become joined somehow inside, in a way that makes us aware of and concerned about the condition and needs of the other, more than anything or anyone else. i care more about her well being than my own. anyway, i could go on and on about this, and perhaps will one day to more explicitly pinpoint what this unique elemental structure is because it's so strong and it's making life partners out of us, we both know it. not life partners that will be completed as physical lovers are, but life partners because of all the other wa...

so the old "lotto fever" has crept back into my noggin. i've had the feeling since i first became responsible for the lives of others back when i was a young man, got married and started a family. there was an imbalance of some sort in my karmic/financial balance in this lifetime that's made me be unable to ever have enough finances to take care of all of the things i need to take care of. i've never been "dirt poor", but i've never been out of debt either. and were an emergency to arise, a true, life altering emergency of any magnitude; well there's never been any source of income to fall back upon to take care of such situations. blah blah blah... blah blah blah, stfu, okay?? well, to balance out all of that poverty mentality and poverty reality, i started to have imaginations (or inspirations) about being blessed by god with a gift of magnanimous wealth. thing is, it never happened. ever. not then when i was young. not in my 30s or 40s eithe...

when you plant seeds of desire deeply enough into your heart and water them with strong enough wishes for them to grow, and come true... as corny as this sounds, be prepared for eventual fulfillment of those wishes. i think that a combination of clarity of desire, intensity of focus when installing the desired vision, and continual care... not just casting a wish to the wind once and saying, "if it comes true, great. if it does not, no loss to me." how badly one needs their wish to come true will be illustrated by their determination to burn the image into reality through obsessive dedication. want that thing like you've wanted nothing else before. about 6 years ago a heartfelt need arose in my life to just have a simple friend to spend time with. i wished hard for this need to come true. read back through the archives of this blog and you'll see pages and pages of these yearnings. and i got little bits of answers to this need/desire/wish for short bits of time, her...

we receive so many great gifts over the course of our lifetimes so it's hard to say that one is ultimately the greatest; especially when you have lived a long life where many, many great things have been received (or achieved). the point is to be conscious of what is great now, today, and to be appreciative of it, to revel in it, to make it stay important and great so that it won't die and go away; not today or ever. this is what my current best-friendship is like. it truly is the greatest gift in my life because it is what is making me feel joyous about living right now and gives me light in my eyes about wanting to go on living. not gonna go overboard on being gushy about this because i want to jump down a couple of levels into another greatest gift of my life that has arisen out of this great gift. for the sake of privacy of my friend and i, i'm not going to go into elaborate detail (if i were writing this in my private blog i could/would) about how i/we got to this ...

and has given me a challenge to blog along with her on a daily basis. i've been such a sloppy and lazy blogger for months now, so i've told her that i'd accept her challenge. well, it's not THAT sort of dare. we're not going to fight if i said no, or if i miss a day writing, but we are good encouragers for each other in many other aspects of our lives, this is a good one to bring into the mix. i need to be writing now anyway to get my fire started up for Nanowrimo. need to get a day countdown app running on my phone as a reminder of how little time there is left to prepare. oh there is so much that i could say about this matter right now, but even as i sit here writing these few words for you, blind reader (yes, i call you blind because i know that no one reads this blog anymore - which suits me fine...) i can already feel the mountains of misery amassing before me of the difficulties i will have to climb to discipline myself to get ready for this task. writing is...