THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

i'm not sure. realllly not sure. other than i've lived through experiences. time has passed in which i've done things. were the things i've done worth the energy expended. sure they were. i lived as much as i was capable of. have i progressed? tonight, sitting here in my room, still alone, it really doesn't feel like it because i have not gained or achieved what i've pursued. and if i give in to these feelings and thoughts for too long, i'm gonna start to do over what i always do. let myself get depressed. not sure how i'm gonna figure my way out of this one, because i do know that things have changed. i did better this time in this friend-making than i did last time(s). and there are other friends that i have, who had for some time been lost, who have come back. i just don't have the one amazing friend that will rely on me like they will on no other for their own peace and satisfaction. am i going to start looking for another? or reconsider othe...

silence no more. i'm sorry not telling you this story before now. i mean, i've alluded to it and given peeks into it over and again during the past 2 1/2 years... sometimes here in this blog, other times in private blogs which i may at some time make public. but now i need to come more clean about what's been going on inside my heart than ever before. i'll still dance around coming right out and saying things clearly, it's just my style of being fancy in revealing the truth. forgive me for that, but bear with me and persist with reading, i want you to know and understand better what my plight has been like. i am a lover. i do love life. my life is not the best life i could have lived but i see the balance of how what works and what does not work adds up to make a perfect experience. we need pain to be able to appreciate pleasure. there is light and darkness everywhere. it mingles and bleeds into each other's realms all the time. is light equivalent to love? is...