deep thoughts on why i mess up doing this every day...
Thirteen days since I last found the time and space to sit here and talk to you.... whyyyyyy??? I'm so dependent on routine. This is my simplest excuse. I thrive on groove. By that I mean, that by repeating a practice, I create a groove that builds up and maintains energy. By going to the same cafe (every day) at the same time and having the same drink (not necessarily needing to sit at the same table, thank goodness) I build up an energy of presence that supports my ability to feel good, and motivated to continue doing what I do. For me, this is writing... for others with similar mind constructs it could be myriad other types of practices... so I am sure that I'm not alone suffering from this proclivity. And it takes me so much time and effort to create this type of supportive groove for myself. It always has... even when I was younger so I don't think it's a factor of age. There is a lack of flexibility that I'm suffering from and an inability to adapt to changes...