THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

It's becoming more and more obvious that I am probably going to start taking psych meds again for my depression heavy bipolar disorder. I am back in the worse sleep routine style of behavior which is a major indicator of being depressed, and the use of kratom is not shaking me out of it. I am back in a routine-less, structure-less life with no ambitions or goals. Nothing I had feelings of being able to dream into reality earlier this year seem realistic anymore. I am not feeling an extreme desperation about this yet, but it's likely to wrap itself around me before too long. The main thing that worries me about going back on meds is how I'll become incapacitated and literally unable to take care of my mom. Here is what I think using meds could possibly do to help me. They'll help me restructure my daily schedule and wrestle back a normal sleep pattern. Right now I can't even tell you what regularity there is in my sleep other than I stay awake until 5am and wake up...

(cross posting from a private blog i keep... just sharing this because it is not entirely private in the ways that I typically write over there... the "muses" I refer to are my belief that I've created for myself that there are three personalities, three writers - two living, one dead, who I write to for inspiration about my creative writing... ) And coming here to talk to you three is the only way that I feel like I'm making any kind of connection to someone that can hear, that listens, and might possibly care. I don't care that none of you are ever going to see or read what I write - what can I do to change that misfortune of mine, that I live separately from living beings that could know me, and might care about me. There is nothing I can do. I'll always be alone and separate like this. I want to be working on my novel(s) again, but I am so scattered with my thoughts and motives and my ability to concentrate. I can't make my life come into order the w...