THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

  Just some random youtube likes from today...   Unfocused determination about what I want to say here now. I'm sitting here typing for the bare sake of just continuing the flow of writing daily.     Yeah my head is elsewhere and I can't light upon any of the million things going on that I could say something about, so for now, I'll just let this be it...

 Let's start off with a spontaneous wild idea, I want to manifest an experience for myself in the future. There's a band that I feel a strong sense of affinity with that I have never seen perform live. They are going on a North American tour in the Autumn of this year. I first heard this bands music back around 2009, and they performed at The Bottom of the Hill in San Francisco on a fairly regular basis . I remember the first time I heard that they were going to perform there after I started listening to them, I imagined asking a young woman photographer /music fan friend of mine to go see them perform with me. That was a complicated can of worms in my mind, and I ended up feeling so frustrated from going through the scenarios of how I would try to entice her to attend that show with me, that I just threw my arms in the air and said to hell with it. I just won't go at all. (The "friendship" I had with that woman was overly complicated and it's like there were ...

 Let's open today's post with a couple of covers of a different song, by someone different by King Crimson. I was a little saddened to see that I could only find 2 different cover versions of this particular, favorite song by Todd Rundgren. It's called Zen Archer... Wished that the first video, the guitarist sang the song too... but then the incredible vocals of the guy playing the piano made up for it. Not being a musician, I'm not sure why there aren't more efforts by musicians to cover this song. Maybe its too difficult, or maybe it's just not as well known... if I were a musician, I'd sure love to do a cover of it!! I'm pretty sure that I've commented earlier in this blog about the effect this song has to stir my soul. I cannot think of ever listening to it without feeling my heart chakra burst open and make me cry ferociously. The lyrics combined with the composition... anyway, it is what it is, and I'm not sure what else I want to talk abou...

June 24th  Last night's channeling session was a big surprise for me. I almost chose not to do anything at all, as the last few sessions were so powerful, thought taking a night off to relax and restore the channels would be a fine choice. After I began to rest, maybe 15 or 20 minutes later I heard a whisper/felt a pull and decided to just go ahead and do it anyway. I AM SO GLAD THAT I DID! I'm hesitant to share the session as I don't know who's eyes are getting exposed to these posts. 2 of my close friends I know are reading these posts somewhat regularly, as they usually either comment in the blog comments, or text me to let me know their thoughts. I'm not labeling my posts so no one out in the world that is looking for blog posts about mediumship etc are finding these. And I also just like my privacy. I don't mind being open and sharing, but there's limits to what is appropriate to let be known.  So for this entry, I'm leaning towards privacy. I'd...

 I didn't share last night's channeling session because it was not a very clear cut communication like most of my sessions can tend to be. This session dropped me off into a timeline I did not live in, it was a possible timeline; that could have occurred after my father died if my family had decided to stay living in San Leandro (rather than moving to San Ramon)... I don't think I've ever tried to do this type of channeling or it might even be considered to be remote viewing activity before. So it felt strange trying to observe possible scenarios that did not happen... It was a long session too, close to 25 minutes, which is maybe the longest I've done over the past year. So yeah, it was a lot of pausing, and sitting still, just observing, and feeling what the energy was like "there", there in the time that I never lived.  One of, maybe the strongest realizations I had last night was that I quickly, in a matter of just a few years lost all contact with eve...

  Strength, and fresh deep breaths of rebirth... after what was revealed last night. There is a new anchor of hope in place, at the place in my history where I was sent forth into the world as a young boy hungry for meaning and purpose, on my own... with a shattered heart, standing on broken ground... 20,743 days ago when my Dad was robbed from my life... I see the most clearly now that I've ever seen that what happened that day was the scenario I created for myself to experience during this lifetime... and before I was even born, I knew ahead of time that it was going to take this many long days, months and years before I would gain the realization that I have now. That it was all planned. And also that God was indeed with me every single step along the way. Last night, I reached the point in my journey where everything was spelled out for me, in crystal clarity. That doesn't mean that everything is miraculously fixed today, but now I have the power of being more hopeful, of c...

Well, now, today, things feel like the calm after a tumultuous storm at sea. All the churning of my belly of emotions have settled down quite a bit. I watched what was potentially one of the most triggering episodes of Ted Lasso earlier, and I only felt a slight stirring of my tear ducts. Either I'm all cried out, or better yet, all the buried emotions that were stirred up to the surface have been processed and healing by my willingness and desire to send love and forgiveness to all of the involved parties that are tied to my buried memories. It's probably a combination of both, being cried out and having at least begun the process of getting the healing energies sent to their targets. I don't think I've felt complete resolution of old buried trauma, ever yet. It seems like as long as there is any remaining images that arise from the past, there's still some energy remaining... A lot, or maybe even most of the stuck energy in our memory pictures can be deflated. But...

  I was already listening to a playlist of prog rock songs, quietly in the background today when this song's haunting opening melody began to pluck at my heart's strings... and as soon as I turned up the volume, BAM, the floodgates began to open... I had already had some minor weeping an hour or two earlier... I was watching that episode of Ted Lasso that subtly deals with the topic of "fathers"... totally by chance that I happened to watch this episode on Father's Day weekend.. There's one of the character's father who never appreciated the accomplishments his son made. THAT was heartbreaking to watch and feel... Then another one of the teammates has a father that has a very clear cut relationship with his son, giving praise when it's genuinely earned, never giving him false assurances... (another one of the characters, not dealt with in this episode can't do anything to make his father proud of him, yet that father is emphasizing back the importa...

This is how my day started off. Looking at what the youtube algorhythm dished up for me... and less then 3 minutes into this video I'm sobbing like an idiot. I mean, bent over, gut punched wailing... it's a combo of seeing youths play this very complex music, exquisitely, but more so it's simply the original composition of this very evocative melody... when I listen to this song in it's original placement on the STARLESS AND BIBLE BLACK album by King Crimson, it's powerful but more so in a rock and roll kind of jamming manner... song after song rises the listener to a level of concentration where you are locked in tight feeling the overall thread of song to song continuation... you/I am usually exhausted by the end of attentive listening to this album, as is the case with most of the early KC albums. But there's something about this song that tweaks and triggers hidden places in our bodies, in our hearts, in our memories where old lost loves memories are trigger...

 It doesn't matter what "day" it is, or what "time" it is, all that matters is that I am using "now" to sit here with you and let some feelings and thoughts fall out of my mind onto this page... I'm doing one of the more calm, and idle pet sitting assignments I may have ever done before. The dog is old, yet still pretty energetic - she gets 4-5 10-15 minute walks around her park that is just across the street. But I'm in a part of a town that I rarely ever visit where there is nothing special to go see or do. That's not entirely true, there are bookstores, a library, cafes, and cemeteries all within a few miles of this address, but I'm just not feeling compelled to "get out there and do things"... I do predominately just "stay home" with all the dogs that I care for doing this work. When I'm closer to an interesting "city center" it's more tempting to wander around on my own. I could leave this dog,...