THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

Well, my day has finally come. I have been recognized by my efforts to establish myself as a quality concert photographer. Two bands have granted me -=photographer passes=- for concerts happening this week. Mind you, they are the opening bands for these shows, but hey, this is the very first time that I've asked for this privilege and it's been granted. Wednesday night I will be photographing Spindrift (as well as Vietnam and The Black Angels) at The Independent. Then Friday night I will be photographing Stolen Babies (as well as Kylesa, Within Temptation, and Lacuna Coil) at Slim's. Feeling pretty jazzed right now folks!!!

If you are one of my bipolar readers, check out this entire article. this is mind blowing information - especially if you live in/near San Francisco. I will put a link to the Icarus Project in my blog-roll. If you are one of my friends reading this, please read the entire article, I plead with you. This information is like gold to be able to understand what it is I am going through. clipped from http://www.sfweekly.com/2007-05-23/news/just-say-no/ Just Say No Conventional wisdom says psychiatric drugs save lives, but for some San Franciscans the pills are a prescription for disaster . By Amy Goldwitz Published: May 23, 2007

The jazz aficionado Miles Davis, a man that surely suffered from manic depression, was born 79 years ago today. I have not listened to enough of his genius music yet in my lifetime, but typically on a Sunday morning I will play my full collection of his music on my computer and fill the house with his energy. Miles Dewey Davis III (26 May 1926 – 28 September 1991) was one of the most distinguished jazz musicians of the latter half of the 20th century. A trumpeter, bandleader and composer, Davis was at the forefront of almost every major development in jazz from World War II to the 1990s. He played on various early bebop records and recorded one of the first cool jazz records. He was partially responsible for the development of modal jazz, and jazz fusion arose from his work with other musicians in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Free jazz was the only post-war jazz style not significantly influenced by Davis, although some musicians from his bands later pursued this style. His recordi...

maybe i just need to rant a little bit... i dunno. been in a lousy mood today, well this week actually. i've been looking for someone to blame for the loneliness and this inability to connect. i think the most fair thing to do is blame it on the seratonin. and the fact that i am not high on it anymore. there was a special Oprah yesterday where she grandstands people that she thinks are the worse case/best case scenarios for overcoming depression and finishes it off by advising people to seek professional help "if they think they may be suffering...". i sat down and wrote her a letter explaining my situation and that professional help is not all that it is made out to be. i think the medical professions ability to help "the depressed" is no ability at all. it takes a village to make us able to fight this disease. pills won't do it. certainly better education of those that live with or know the "depressed" is important... i don't know. don't ...

I can make this easy or I can make this hard. The easy way is to tell you that it's Bob Dylan's birthday and suggest that you listen to some of his music today. Better yet, go to the library (or your nearest bookstore), sit down and read a few chapters about his life. This guy is getting old now, although he'll probably live to be 101 - it's just that you don't know when death will take anyone away from us, right? If you were like me and had lived over 45 years of your life of "not getting" Dylan, maybe this will be your lucky year. The hard way would be for me to start writing pages and pages about what Bob Dylan has done to change my life - in just a little over a years time I now testify that this man has changed the way I look at the world, the way I interpret events, love, death, and everything else in between. And do you know what? I'm going to do it the hard way. I am going to write a lot today about Mr. Dylan and what he has done to my h...

Helium - Sad Songs That Will Make You Cry I am sorry but I have to write about this conceptually, rather than figuratively - like I do with many of my articles here at HELIUM. Two songs have made me cry over the past 6 month period; a song by Neil Young called, CORTEZ THE KILLER, and a song by Bob Dylan called IDIOT WIND. I have heard these songs over and over, many, many times over the years of my life and always felt their groove and energy, thinking "yeah man, dig that guitar..." or, "Wow, Neil (or Bob) really mean something deep here...", but I never took the time to contemplate the meaning of the words, or the real meaning of the emotions being conveyed before. Not until this past summer. You see, I think that a person needs to understand themselves before they can understand others. What do you think it would mean to Bob Dylan if no one ever found deeper meaning in his songs. (Well, if you've read anything about what he really thinks about that subject...

clipped from bipolar.about.com Research continues to dig for the roots of bipolar disorder. Towards this goal, the National Institute of Mental Health has spearheaded a project called the NIMH Genetics Initiative . Recent findings from this collaborative study report that the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder depends in part on the combined, small effects of variations in many different genes in the brain, none of which is powerful enough to cause the disease by itself. The study is the first to scan virtually all of the variations in human genes to find those associated with bipolar disorder. Genetic Roots of Bipolar Disorder From Kimberly Read & Marcia Purse , Your Guide to Bipolar Disorder . Stay up to date!   I am hesitant to give any credence to all these new studies anymore as it just seems to all benefit the "trade" in the end, not the patients. Stymie us with fear and confusion more why don't you. Take it for what you will though.

I only discovered this amazing musician's music a few years ago and have delighted in learning more and more about his very strange life and ways. He spent a lot of time in Oakland and Berkeley, which makes total sense. Anyway, I may beef up this posting with various sundry articles and links during the day. If you get a chance, read more about him. Sun Ra (Born Herman Poole Blount ; legal name Le Sony'r Ra [1] ; born May 22 , 1914 in Birmingham, Alabama , died May 30 , 1993 in Birmingham, Alabama ) was an innovative jazz composer , bandleader , piano and synthesizer player, poet and philosopher who came to be known as much for his "cosmic philosophy " as for his musical compositions and performances. He abandoned his birth name and took on the name and persona of Sun Ra ( Ra being the ancient Egyptian god of the Sun ). Claiming that he was of the " Angel Race " and not from Earth , but from Saturn , Ra developed a complicated persona of "cos...

Wow, what a week, eh? Yesterday was Brian Eno's birthday and today is the birthday of one of the other most powerful musicians that have forged my taste in music; Robert Fripp - creator, and sustainer of King Crimson, but also the destroyer of mediocrity in music across all spectrums. I have been listening to Robert's music (the first album of his I actually remember owning was NO PUSSYFOOTING) since about 1978. It was shortly after that when I was introduced to the full body of King Crimson by the wisest and most knowledgeable music fan-friend of my early years, Stuart Hensley Oates. But I have never tired of King Crimson's music and still listen to it regularly today. In fact, I don't think a day goes by in which I do not listen to even a little bit of King Crimson. It is complicated and dark music that transports my mind and soul to depths or wonderment like no other music can. Long Live Robert Fripp! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Fripp http://www.elepha...

"Where do you live?" I couldn't come up with a more accurate response than this. My room is under the prick of the yellow pushpin.

Brian Eno has influenced my taste in music and my appreciation of art I think more than any other living musician has. He is a living legend whose influence on the advancement of modern music and art is unheralded. Please join me in rejoicing that two people fell in love and gave life to this magnificent renaissance man! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_eno More images of Brian Eno... Brian's discography ... and be sure to check out the videos that I have posted in the sidebar!!!

"He's one of the great legends of British pop, of course: the man who wrote 'For Your Love' for The Yardbirds, the former member of The Mindbenders, and - best of all - one quarter of the original 10cc. 10cc were the consummate British pop group of the 70s, fantastically successful in commercial, artistic and even critical terms. The fact that their name isn't mentioned as often as it should be nowadays is partly because their brand of flawless perfection in pop is unfashionable in an age of under-achievement and partly because they were too damn good to be an influence on anyone - you just couldn't compete." Read more about Graham's incredible musical career here .

the video you just viewed was filmed from my Nokia 6103 cell phone while i was driving north on hiway 680, just past the Livorna Road exit in Alamo, California. i sent it via phone message to my private YouTube account and now it is visible for the world to see! the memory requirements on the phone restrict me from shooting anything longer than 10 second clips. something to look forward to will be longer clips when i get the new Blackberry Pearl!

Thank god though that no matter what it took to get to this point of understanding in this place of ceaseless turmoil, these former hateful and desperate leaders have come to terms of peace for their communities. clipped from www.ireland.com Wednesday, May 9, 2007 Paisley and McGuinness pledge to govern for a better future Taoiseach Bertie Ahern and the British prime minister Tony Blair sat in the VIP visitors' gallery of Parliament Buildings, Stormont, as Dr Paisley and Mr McGuinness affirmed pledges of office to work together in the interests of all the people of Northern Ireland and to support the police and the criminal justice system. In a day marked by formality and human touches, DUP leader Dr Paisley and Sinn Féin MP and former IRA leader Mr McGuinness were appointed First Minister and Deputy First Minister to lead a Northern Executive of 10 Ministers. The Rev Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness forged a historic compromise between unionism and nationalism yesterday at St...

Blackberry, the PDA/cell phone company has a new model on the market; the Blackberry Pearl. and it is featured in this music video made by the band, The Tragically Hip, which Blackberry uses as an ad on their website (http://blackberrypearl.com). i'd say more but i'm really tired and hungry right now. i had a huge day yesterday and have to recover before the wedding photoshoot on Saturday.

biohazard - blood pressure warning!! Originally uploaded by daryldarko . snapped this yesterday at the E.R. god, i love hospitals! going to see my GP this afternoon to get more of this sorted out. he is going to be pissed off at me when i tell him i fired my psychiatrist.

well, i don't think it could have anything to do with stopping the psycho-meds, but my blood pressure has skyrocketed in the past couple of days. i mean frightfully high (took a reading at Safeway last night around 12:30 am 169/115). i'm feeling no pain, only a strange sensation of pressure in my head/ears... the numbness in my fingers is pretty much gone away. i had run out of Furosemide and didn't have any for a couple of days but i've gone without it for much longer periods of time, and have been fine. the only explanation i can come up with is that i've been eating salted peanuts a lot recently. they sell these huge, 2lb bags at Costco and i've been munching them late at night. so no more of those. i'll see my doctor on Monday. if i were actually in some sort of pain i'd go to the emergency room now. anyway, i'll keep you updated. remember i told you about dreaming? well, everytime i sleep now i can remember my dreams!! i took a nap this afternoo...

 

Maggie & Will 1973 Originally uploaded by Vermont Ferret . i'm not sure why, but this photo just stirs some very deep feelings inside of me. i'm actually on the verge of tears from looking at it. is there really such love in the world?

been off the psycho-meds for about 4 days now and even though normal sleep is far from being achieved, i do believe that i approached a normal dream experience this morning. i was chatting online with a school companion yesterday afternoon who i will refer to as R~. she was quite open with me in approaching the delicate subject of my previous and disastrous interactions with M~. M~ was throwing a soirée last night in Port Costa and we discussed whether it would be ok if i were to appear. decided that it wasn't. anyway, i dreamed just a few hours ago this morning that i was in Port Costa to see M~ and S~. it was a simple dream, simple scenery and actions that seemed to culminate with M~ and i getting on a bus together to leave the area, leaving S~ behind. interpreting that actual scenario makes me think that i did not actually dream lucidly because this is an outcome that i would have desired before; that i cause a separation of M~ and S~. as it stands now i sadly have no inte...

Originally uploaded by daryldarko . this is a photo of me, not sure who took it though. my friend Alan, who i have known since high school sent me a scan of it though. the year was 1976 and i was a senior at Monte Vista High School in Danville, California. Pommel Horse had been my specialty since i was about 13 years old and i won my first medal in a competition as a freshman. i was the first person to ever win a medal in gymnastics in the history of our school. this year i went on to place first in the Northern State championships.

Dr. D. I feel like I want to give up on this process right now. I screw up whether I am on medications or whether I am not, but I feel healthier physically and can think more clearly when I am not on medications. That you did not even give me a call to check in with me to determine my state of mind after I gave you the letter two weeks ago telling you that I dropped out of the college makes me think that either you really don't care about me or that you are just too busy to deal with me. For me to hang on, hoping that you will either eventually care for me more some day, or that you will one day seriously decide to help me find a medical solution to my condition seems futile. I have started to see Sonya, the therapist I found last year again recently. I can talk to her about my emotional "problems". You are an interesting person to talk to and I appreciate your interest in the things going on in my life but if I am going to make any progress working with a psychiatris...

Not what I really want you to see, but this will work as a good precursor to the actual clip from tonight's episode of The Gilmore Girls when it becomes available. See, I DO have a sensitive, moronic and ultra-romantic side to my foolish exterior... What happened tonight makes it look like they are trying to wrap up this season as a close to the entire series though... In other news, my ongoing futile relationship with my psychiatrist has reached a new level of frustration based on his ineptitude to show regard for me as a mental health patient. I'm going to write him a letter tonight basically telling him that I no longer feel that he is able to help me. Beyond that I am stopping my meds, again. I hardly take anything now anyway.