THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

 I surprise myself sometimes by the things I find that capture my attention. Lately, I've started binge-watching Master Chef. This hyped-up reality tv show that tries to give home chefs a chance to improve their skills, but also there is the lure of a cash prize and fame. I used to be afraid of Gordon Ramsey because all I really knew him for was his insane anger on that other competitive show of his called Hell's Kitchen, which I had never seen a full episode of before. (I've watched 6 seasons of Master Chef, as well of 6 seasons of Hell's Kitchen at this point in time.) What I find alluring about the show is the humanity that is focused on in the show. The contestants are very real and honest, and sadly what I benefit from watching this is having a sense of there being people in my life. Of course, I can't interact with these people, but in a bizarre way, I feel like the emotions they stir up in me while I watch the show makes me feel more human. I don't intera...

 This has been a month barren of joy. For how joyful my birthday month has been over the past many, many years, I'm quite surprised that the month I usually experience the greatest joy in has been so dismal. I can attribute it to many things; my mother not being here to celebrate it with for one. Also, my son just moved his family out of state 3 weeks ago, so those are two very large components of my life that I don't get to interact with anymore. More so I guess giving credit to the world changes occurring in this bizarre year of 2020 deserves mentioning too. My spiritual evolution has been tantamount this year, so I am on the fence about believing that the sadness and disconnect I am feeling is not part of the bigger picture of how I am a different being now than I was this time last year. I am stronger and more enlightened spiritually than I perhaps ever been in this life, yet for what I have to show as developments and advancements in the physical world as a benefit of beco...

 Having a weird thought / idea right now ... And I bet it's something that a lot of people have figured out sooner than I have. When you create dependencies on people in the world, you give away your power. You look to others to feed you something that you feel unable to manifest yourself. And here's where I'm feeling this sharp stab come from. I have so few friends as it is (luckily, one of these friends REALLY understands me)... and I've tried to be a good friend, and to be of use to others in ways that I would hope to be reciprocated..  Okay, so here's where I'm seeing the holes in this objective of having friends. You either need to surround yourself with people that are so closely of like mind and common interest, people that are weird and thrive on the kinds of activities and ideas that motivate you, or else your going to feel incomplete. If you are a weirdo and all of your friends are normal, you're just going to appear as a circus clown to them. They...

I went out tonight to one of the two, monthly free Reiki clinics at HCH in Lafayette. It's my third time to attend there for the night time clinic. Tonight one of the Reiki masters that gave me my attunement was leading the clinic. She made me feel really welcome and even invited me to work with the practitioners giving Reiki to people who came for healing. I chose to wait to see how I felt after I received Reiki. I've been really consistent with giving myself daily self-healing sessions of Reiki. I don't think I've ever missed more than one day of self-treatment in the entire time since I was attuned back on August 13th. But there is something noticeably different about healing yourself and receiving Reiki from another person. At least I have noticed this from my own personal experiences. Sometimes the Reiki you receive from another person is very, very powerful. And sometimes it's not. (At least what you are consciously aware of feeling.) The last time I receive...

Hmmm, not a great pic so maybe you can't read the marquee, but one of the films is a horror film. Surprised? Good. You shouldn't be. This is a really great theater in Danville, California. Big screens, very comfortable reclining seats, powerful sound system, built back in the 90's for the rich Blackhawk community. And I have the whole room to myself tonight. So I'm here to see LET ME IN. really only because I want to see Chloë Moretz's performance. I'm afraid I'll otherwise be bored because the previews make it look like the remade the original Swedish film, scene for scene. RottenTomatoes gives it an 84% rating though so that must mean the director did something else right with it. I do hope I'll be surprised. Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.2

Well I hope that I dont fall in love with you cause falling in love just makes me blue, Well the music plays and you display Your heart for me to see, I had a beer and now I hear you Calling out for me And I hope that I dont fall in love with you. Well the room is crowded, people everywhere And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?  Well if you sit down with this old clown, Take that frown and break it, Before the evenings gone away, I think that we could make it, And I hope that I dont fall in love with you. Well the night does funny things inside a man These old tom-cat feelings you dont understand, Well I turn around to look at you, You light a cigarette, I wish I had the guts to bum one, But weve never met, And I hope that I dont fall in love with you. I can see that you are lonesome just like me, And it being late, youd like some some company, Well I turn around to look at you, And you look back at me, The guy youre with has up and split, The chair next to yous free, And I hope th...

This life has been one in which i am allowed tastes and dreams of pleasures of love but have been predominately denied dining on full meals. the potential of another experience of intimacy with a beautiful soul has been yet again stolen away from me. really, i am not a bad person. i would testify that before god on my day of judgment - yet there must be myriad minuscule weak thoughts and ill decisions that build up within my persona that makes me rub people the wrong way. Today, in one fell swoop i've stepped (or fallen) outside of the lives of about two dozen people who i have nothing against, who i actually really liked very much and enjoyed the presence of greatly. but external scrutiny has weakened my self opinion and i no longer have the strength of character to try to fit in or be liked. My display of magnanimous characteristics was mania fueled, and now that fuel has burned itself out. my normal man, my power being, my depressive and isolating twin-self needs to take co...