deeper and then more...
ok, this has got me thinking of all kinds of other explanations and solutions to my quandary. the one time i magnificently attracted someone to my self, the time i found the woman that i went on to marry, i acted out of desperation. i was 19 years old and felt that my life as a devout Christian man had failed. i had become addicted to the use of marijuana and was starting to suffer severe depression; the first hallmark and tell tale signs of the development of bipolar disorder in my life. i clung to the hope of experiencing a God inspired and spirit driven life, yet stood on the precipice of failure because I could not attract a woman to love and be loved by. i never had a girl friend in high school but when i was around the age of 18, one girl that did want to be intimate with me sort of freaked me out. too much religion in my head during the years of my teens made me uncomfortable with the logistics of becoming intimate with a girl once the opportunity was presented to myself. in ret...