THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

here is the blessing that Clive wrote upon my working manuscript. i meditate on these thoughts every time i sit down to work on my novel. i told him that i would not come to see him at an event again until i had a copy of my novel to give him as a gift. alas, he will be signing his newest book in L.A. in two months and i so badly want to see him. i am not sure what i will do.

Next to Susan Henderson and Robin Slick, Clive Barker is the most important writer in the world to me. I first discovered his literature when I read EVERVILLE; THE SECOND BOOK OF THE ART in 1997 while I was a student at UCSC. A year later I met him in person in Berkeley. He is the only author that I have ever met or felt like meeting. Aside from Susan and Robin, he is probably the only author that I will go out of my way to meet again. I met him again in 2004 in San Francisco and went to extreme efforts to be the last person in line to speak with him. I needed to tell him the story of the discovery of the idea of, and the writing of my novel. I had brought my transcript (notes and research) with me and asked him to give me his blessing. He wrote an inscription on the inside cover of my notebook and posed for photos with me. Clive has also written and directed films, some of which are extremely scary ( Hellraiser , Lord Of Illusions , and Nightbreed ) and one of which is one of my all ...

i am posting this at school so i don't have access to any of my personal photos of Clive and myself, sad to say, my connection with his energy is rather weak right now. my personal writing is at one of it's weakest ebbs. i don't know why my link to my inner words is broken. it must be that i don't have anything that i believe in anymore. i will go to the cemetery tonight. i will light candles tonight on this night of the full moon and this evening of the first rains of the season. i am wearing my power talisman from Ellen today. i am depressed, its true. pdoc told me this afternoon to increase my Cymbalta dosage to 40mg. let's see what that does. i am sorry Clive that i did not remember that yesterday was your birthday. i owe so much to you. well, i'm editing this post since i first wrote it. that is in fact the picture i was talking about. and lapse brain that i am, yesterday, the 5th of October WAS in fact Clive's birthday. later last night i...