THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

 I surprise myself sometimes by the things I find that capture my attention. Lately, I've started binge-watching Master Chef. This hyped-up reality tv show that tries to give home chefs a chance to improve their skills, but also there is the lure of a cash prize and fame. I used to be afraid of Gordon Ramsey because all I really knew him for was his insane anger on that other competitive show of his called Hell's Kitchen, which I had never seen a full episode of before. (I've watched 6 seasons of Master Chef, as well of 6 seasons of Hell's Kitchen at this point in time.) What I find alluring about the show is the humanity that is focused on in the show. The contestants are very real and honest, and sadly what I benefit from watching this is having a sense of there being people in my life. Of course, I can't interact with these people, but in a bizarre way, I feel like the emotions they stir up in me while I watch the show makes me feel more human. I don't intera...

Continuing on from what I was talking about in my last posting, I've come to realize that I've just experienced what I call, an existential realization that doing anything at all with your time in life is futile. How I recognized this happening was because it happened to me once before. 20 years ago. I was at UCSC and discovered a new manner of creative self-expression which I felt could lead to ultimate discoveries of self-awareness.  That was when I was taking playwrighting classes and my mind was open to so many avenues of creativity. I felt that becoming a playwright was the grandest calling I had ever experienced. I began to work on ideas for several plays all at once. My mind was in constant motion and truth be told, I was the most manic I had ever been in my life. After about two weeks of this high anxiety and very little sleep, I had an epiphany of thought. In the flash of a second, I realized that no matter how different my work could be, compared to any other playwrit...