THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

i love this band, this song, and the style of this photo montage. i'm getting ready to finish my "Cemetery Girl" photo project and am starting to think about new things to shoot. one easy subject to move into would be panoramas, seeing i've done those experimentally in the past. but this montage story telling film-like idea is really neat. we'll see what the new year opens up for me and my mind. considering enrolling in a couple of classes at dvc this semester. that old problem i had of not being eligible to enroll in classes, my academic probation, it's been lifted. i called the college the last day before winter break started and they told me that i had outlived the time barrier and that they would lift the ban on my enrollment. i am only considering taking 1-3 courses. as usual, money is an issue. gas to drive to Pleasant Hill, book expenses, etc. also, i don't want to get overextended with my physical energy or artistic energy because i have to finish ...

Hmm, I sure am a fan of some unknowns, eh? Shirley Jackson was a writer. An old school sort of writer of simple fiction that carried a lot of hidden intent. She wrote two novels that are favorites of mine, that are considered to be horrific in nature, yet there are no real ghosts or monsters in the stories; other than those that the main characters create out of themselves... in the world that surrounds them. I'm more a fan of her writing than I am of many other writers I may say that I like yet I have only read 3 of her works; The Haunting of Hill House, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, and The Lottery. I saw the 1963 movie that was made from The Haunting of Hill House first, when I was a child. Then later in junior high school I read The Lottery for the first time. Then in high school I came across a copy of the book stat struck me thje strongest; We Have Alsways Lived in the Castle. But they are are all masterpieces that stick the closest to my ribs. I've reread the nove...

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

I've written lots in this blog over the years about the importance of the music of Tom Verlaine to me, so I will not make this a lengthy entry, other than to say glad Tom is still around. This is a link to a Flickr set that photographer Houari B. took of him last summer.

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

You know, when Obama went on his European tour this past summer, gas prices fell to the lowest they had been all year. And when Obama was elected for president prices turned around and started to fall again. Well, I am here to report that they are still falling and maybe it is due to Hillary getting put into her new office as Secretary of State today. There is some background story to how this worked out for me, regardless of that, nothing like this ever happened to me in all the time that Bush was in office. I buy groceries at Safeway, a California grocery chain. Over the past couple of years they have offered a 10 cent discount off gas at their grocery stores that also sell gasoline. The discount is earned any time you purchased $50 in groceries. This always excited me during these times of extremely high gas prices. One day I actually looked at the receipt from my purchase of a full tank of gasoline. At $4.50 a gallon, the 10 cent discount amounted to about $1.50 off. Whoop-di-doo, ...

Pretty happy with how easy it was to complete the project this year. I wrote every single day in November except on Thanksgiving Day. Also, if it were not for the inspiration of my mother and Sarah Jane Erickson I would not have even thought of trying to do this this year. Also, Dr. Wicked's - Write Or Die tool was an invaluable assistance too. Stay tuned for information about copies for purchase. Hopefully in January 2009.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimi_hendrix

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

Jimi Hendrix Experience Drummer Mitch Mitchell Dies : Rolling Stone : Rock and Roll Daily

Jimmy Carl Black & Muffin Men 22.5.08 051 Originally uploaded by flookcat Rest In Peace, Jimmy. Glad you lasted as long as you did. And thanks for being part of the most amazing music ever made.

Mothers of Invention Drummer Jimmy Carl Black Dead at 70 : Rolling Stone : Rock and Roll Daily

this is a pretty amazing image, if i do say so myself! it is a collage of over 300 images compiled by using the new collage feature of Picasa 3, available for free download by The Google Company. this is a miniaturized version, viewable on your computer screen. the original, printable size is 71 x 44 inches!! the time it took to compile this image was nearly 20 min on my nearly 4 year old Sony Vaio desktop. And these are my unedited photos too. i just threw this together on a whim to see if the program and my computer could handle generating such a massive image.

Sometimes you don't know who or what you are until someone else shows you. I've been doing this "Cemetery Girl" photo project for over a year now and I've worked with close to 50 different models but it has been a rare moment when I've been caught in action. This photo was taken by photographer friend Rachel Stanich (who I met at DVC 2 years ago) when I was doing the "Maggie and Elizabeth - Cemetery Girls" shoot in, I think, January of this year.

This video was posted by Zoe Keating yesterday on her Facebook page. I urge you to take the time to get quiet in your head and your day and watch and listen to her perform. She is one of the most amazing one-woman performing shows in the world. I'm crossing my fingers that she and I will be doing a photo shoot together next month after she returns home from her current European tour. I approached her about 6 weeks ago via a letter at her MySpace page and she was very enthusiastic about the idea of becoming one of my "Cemetery Girls". Stay tuned as I'll let you know when we confirm a date.

gonna ramble a bit, get some thoughts out, get my thinker tinkering again... ideas, feelings, words to create puzzles that draw pictures to solve the questions that plague our lack of true understanding. that's what it all is anyway, right? miasmic boilings under the crust of our skulls where our imaginations forge futures and disassemble the confusions of our pasts. well i can ramble like this for a very long time without making a very edible alphabet soup. so i will stop the bs and talk about what is really going on. i turned 50 almost 2 months ago, and boy has there been a change. all this past year leading up to my Big 5-0 i had been celebrating youth. not in the sense that my youth was ending but in a celebration of actually living 50 years long. that celebration culminated in fantastic celebrations with friends on 3 different days. the celebration of my birth this year was the most memorable and enjoyable i've had in decades. maybe even the best birthday ever. since then ...

These photos are from 2 weekends ago. I got together with two old, high school friends to hang out for the day. We were acknowledging the fact that we were all still alive to turn 50 years old. I've been best friends with both of these guys, individually, and they too were best friends together. I've stayed in touch with Thor the most over the years with there only being short gaps of time in the late 80's/early 90's when we lost contact. Heffner on the other hand, I was out of touch with longer, only re-finding him about 5 years ago thanks to the internet. We are very different in our lives in many ways, yet there are many, many ways in which we are still very similar. The thing that counts is that I still enjoy their company and find them easy to talk to. Heffner and I live nearby and see each other about once a week. Thor on the other hand lives in the southland and I only get to see him about once a year. We always have some kind of adventure together. Ok, that'...

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

I've been aware of and have been participating in National Novel Writing Month, respectfully recognized as NANOWRIMO by the tens of thousands that also participate during the month of November each year, since 2004. I've only reached the goal of completing a 50,000 word novel once so far, but I find this project to be the most inspirational exercise to actually get me serious about writing out there. I'm geared up to participate this year too and hope to make many new friends in the process. Write On, everybody!

Today is the anniversary of my father's birth, October 5, 1932. He would be 76 years old if he were still alive, but get this. He died 39 years ago. I am 14 years older than he was when he died. So many things to wonder about. I miss him and I'm sad that he has not been here to live life with. When I think about the things that my son and I have been able to do together in my life, and that I didn't get to have half as much fun with my father, it makes me sad. So I guess my point in saying this is if your parents are still alive, find some way to treasure that. We all will fade from the surface of this world and it will be a surprise when it happens. Listening to Johnny Cash today in dad's memory; that is one of my strongest memories of him, his love for country music. oh, and in this photo he was 16 years old.

car broke down so i had to walk few blocks from car repair place to BART, where i caught the third taxi i've ever rode in during my lifetime. this is yellow lab puppy ISIS that i am pet sitting this weekend. she is lovely, bright, and ENERGETIC. a little more energetic than i care for. i don't think i will ever own a puppy of my own, OR pet sit for one again! a little weird fun. anyway, it's ME! what do you expect.

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterli .    Replies .   mp3

as a 40 year old are coming to a close this weekend. yes, that means that in 4 days i will cross the divide into the realm of those that have survived half a century of life on this planet. it actually seems like an accomplishment to me. that i have overcome the obstacles of illness, misfortune, poverty, and just plain ol' bad luck in getting to stay alive this long. and hey, i still have a pretty face, my original teeth, a full head of hair, have never broken a bone in my body, have never been stabbed or shot at with a gun, have never fallen off a cliff or been in a serious automobile accident... yeah, i've walked pretty gracefully through this lifetime. i've always felt like i've been accompanied by a few angels in this life. Blogged with the Flock Browser

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterz .    Replies .   mp3

(full size images can be seen here .) I found Sarah via the Model Mayhem website in March this year. I wrote to her, informing her that I was going to be in the Chicago area for 10 days in June and asked if she'd be interested in becoming part of my "Cemetery Girl" collection. She wrote back, excitedly saying that she was very interested. We communicated with each other, off and on, over the next few months, and then made arrangements to meet when my trip neared. Sarah actually lived in the very township that I was going to be staying in; St. Charles. I think it made her more at ease knowing that I had been there before and could talk knowledgeably about the local cemeteries (and other features/landmarks). I worked hard at acquiring as many models as was logistically possible to work with in the Chicago area as I could (which ended up being 3). Sarah was my first contact and first confirmed model. The other two that I found I will write about in other blog entries. I t...

in 19 days i will turn 50 years old.

Woke up EARLY this morning to take my mom to San Francisco to meet her friend Ellen. It was an experience different for me than any I've had in a long time. We went to a museum; The Legion of Honor to see the display of paintings by female impressionists. It's probably been over 30 years since I've been inside the LoH, and if I had thought about it better, I would have taken more photographs of the day than I have to show you here. I'm just so out of practice taking photos with my phone, or of thinking in a documentary way of mind. Rodin display room in Legion of Honor. Green Apple Book Store on Clement Street Irish Pub on Clement Street with a great deal on Pabst & Jamesons!

My photo shoot with Niki was much earlier this year, in March. She was the first model that I had found and made contact with at Model Mayhem . She lives in Stockton and at the time we first started talking about doing a shoot together, Stockton didn't seem that far away. I think it was actually February when we first made contact. She had made a comment on one of my photos. We had planned on doing a shoot on pretty short notice, like in March... but as some of you loyal readers will remember I fell into a pretty black depression during March and April. I contacted her again in early May and we had our shoot scheduled by the end of the month. It was a sunny day, temp in the low 80's and I was doing a dog walking job at the time. I remember that the timing was a bit critical in that I could only leave the dog alone in its house in San Ramon for 4-5 hours. I had to jet out to Stockton, do the shoot and then be back in San Ramon in time to take the dog for another walk. ANYWAY.....

It is a very good thing that I do not live in the mid-west, because the food back there is VERY tasty. Here is one of the favorite things I feasted on there. A Portillo's Hot Dog combo Italian sausage, Italian beef sandwich.

I became fascinated by Wynd the first time I looked at her portfolio on Model Mayhem . Mind you, I don't really have an interest in shooting nudes and that is the way Wynd prefers to model. We never discussed it as I guess my portfolio speaks for itself. No, what intrigued me about Wynd was her eyes and her hair. Later, as we communicated more, I became fascinated about her lifestyle too. Anyway, Wynd is a professional model and no longer does shoots in which she trades her time for a cd or prints (TF-CD/P). I came upon her at a time when I was sort of able to talk her into a trade with me though. I gave her a condition, that if she were able to get a paying gig on the day of our shoot it would be ok to cancel on me. I also told her that I would give her a "gratuity" of $20 so that she could buy some dinner after our shoot (or do whatever she wanted to with the money). We started this conversation in March and she said that if she was going to do a shoot with me it wou...

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterz .    Replies .   mp3

I met Maenad (Mae, for short) through the online modeling community ModelMayhem a little over a month ago. I wrote to her and described the photo project that I was working on; "Cemetery Girls" and she responded saying that she was interested. We communicated for several weeks, getting to know each other. Basically, I wanted to explain to her what the concept of my project was, that it was tied to the literary project that I was working on and that the girls I was photographing were attempts at helping me better find my novel's character. Mae is a student of psychology at UC Santa Cruz, but as we wrote more to each other I found out that she is many more things than just a psych student. My point in telling you these details is to be able to describe what my experience of working with her was like. I drove form San Ramon to Santa Cruz to pick her up on campus after her last class of the day, which was around 3pm on a Friday. We then drove to her home so that she could ...

had a slice of chocolate cake and a hot cup of ginger tea and feel a short burst of brightness to utter a few words. i had another appointment with my psychiatrist last week, and well, my arguments of defense to stay off meds failed. rather than my arguments not being strong enough in logic, i think it is that my powers to defend myself articulately have become weakened. psych appts are brief to begin with. i feel like my ability to argue broke down several appts ago when i began to complain about not being able to sleep for more than 4 hours straight. so guess what? she recognized that my main complaint from the meds she's had me on was that i was becoming depressed and incapable of participating in my normal activities; like photo shoots and covering concerts and working on my book... so she decided to allow me to take an antidepressant; Lexapro. But no antidepressant without also taking a mood stabilizer. you won't believe what i agreed to try again - i still can't beli...

really not doing well. have a ticket to see one of my favorite bands of all time that are playing in san francisco tonight, apocalyptica, and i have decided not to go. i am in physical pain and feel so locked up emotionally from a lack of anyone to talk to. do you know what it feels like when you go for months and months and months without having anyone to just shoot the breeze with? when you have no one to talk to about how you are feeling on a daily basis, no one to talk to about things that interest you, no one to do things with that interest you... you get used to silence, you get used to believing that this is the way things are going to be forever, you become less of a believer that things will ever change, and sure, you become bitter. you become less willing to be frank when someone asks you how things are. because you don't want everyone to think that you are as big of a loser as you seem to be, as big of a loser as you feel you are, believe you are... blah, blah, blah, i k...

i watched a movie last night that really had some disturbing affects on me. i'm getting too old and sedate in my stogy ways to be slapped on the upside of the head by meanings of truth (exposed in film and literature) and care enough anymore to take suggestions to change to heart. years ago i would have watched this film and would have found courage and inspiration to take the good messages from the film and use them to bolster up my opinion of myself. the message i received last night went the other direction and made me more aware of my separateness from the world of people. the movie was " into the wild ". really a bit of genius film making and an incredible biographical tale of one of the bravest lives i've ever heard of being lived in recent years. i don't follow current movies anymore so i had never heard much about this except that someone did recommend it to me a while ago. the title stuck in my head i guess. something i would have benefited from watching ...

de dingen gaan op vandaag dat ik niet kan verklaren. ik voel flittery, niet bekwaam om op om het even wat aan te steken - geen stevige grond overal te vinden. niemand om aan die zorgen genoeg om brandend schip dat gaat onderaan snel over de horizon te helpen volledig te begrijpen of te spreken? u betcha. meer kijk ik in het vlees van mijn roman het doe schrikken me meer meer ik kijk aan mensen voor steun, begrip, gezelschap, steun, minder geloof ik ik zal worden ooit welk ik wil of nodig heb. ik weet wat niet ik meer wil. ik denk het in groot deel is omdat ik niet denk het mogelijk is om om het even welk ding te krijgen of te hebben dit senseless ramble, unfocused - doelbewust is. ga cijfer het voor zich uit. ik wil niet gedronken worden omdat ik niet op het gevoel vertrouw. ik wil geen geslacht hebben omdat ik niet denk het mogelijk is om op het gevoel te vertrouwen. ik wil niet eten omdat ik niet denk het mogelijk is om op het gevoel te vertrouwen. ik wil niet meer spreken omdat i...

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterz .    Replies .   mp3

Mobile post sent by daryldarko using Utterz .    Replies .   mp3

a dear, long time friend sent me this note tonight. he is a regular reader of my blog. i will comment on this below. Daryl, You need to exercise regularly.  I know it is depressing to not be engaged in the human continuum. The endorphin rush you get from exercise, will make you look flush, and sexy You won’t look like a walking  haggis. Chicks WILL dig you for you, if you care enough about your body to make be healthy  You will look sexy to them, if they know you will care for them the same as you care for yourself. Sympathy Sex (Love) is for the pathetic. I strongly recommend the Rowing Machine, and pull ups, and free hand weights. You already have all the charm you need in your Professional Photography. Now you need a body to put it in. Suicide is too easy, and you already know you are going to re-embody right back into the test you failed. You have the best opportunity RIGHT NOW at THIS time to defeat this hole in your lifetime...

if i had gotten out of bed at 9am, when i first awoke from this mornings dreams i'd have some crystal clear clarity to transcribe what i dreamed this morning for you. alas, i could not keep my eyes open (or get them to focus) at that hour. i had a bad nights sleep with lots of leg cramps... in a nutshell here is what i recall. i had won a contest to see two different concerts on opposite ends of the world. one was Pink Floyd in Australia and the other was Bob Dylan in London. i chose to go see Dylan first. i only know two people in London right now; Ellie and Polly. they are both photographers i know through Flickr. Polly photographs cemeteries, whereas one of Ellie's photographic interests is live music. so i chose to look up Ellie. i've known Ellie the longest, probably about 2 years now, so she was the logical one to hang out with - although, getting to have tours of London cemeteries with Polly will be very chill someday! anyway, i met Ellie at her flat and we ...

the dreams i have of the ashram i used to attend have always intrigued me greatly because the place NEVER looks like i've ever seen it. i ALWAYS know that is where i am though. in my dream this morning one characteristic from recent ashram dreams persisted; the place was enshrouded in darkness. mind you, i have also been entertaining thoughts of visiting the place in Oakland again lately. in fact, i considered going there last night. didn't feel a strong enough motivation to follow through. this dream begins with me inside the ashram; i did not see myself walk in, i just appeared there. i could sense that there were many people inside the building but i did not see them. i could just feel their presences at first. first thing i noticed was that there was a food serving line set up and this made me think that it must be lunch time. i was feeling hungry so i went up and got a tray of food. it looked like rice with ground lamb served over it. a sure indicator that the energy in th...

maybe moods are seasonable. and i'm not talking about SAD . because i just came through one of the most wonderfully mooded dark seasons (winter) that i can remember. this winter fed my motivations. no, i'm talking about them, moods, having their own schedules of necessity. that there needs to be a time of sadness, a time of gladness... that they balance each other. and mabye this is just something inside the experience of the bipolar. i don't know because i don't really know what moods regular people go through. if i had not started taking the seroquel again last week how much longer would my mood of positivity continued? indefinitely as far as i could tell. as i feel now, i want to put my camera away for a good long time. i think the "Cemetery Girl" project has come to an end. i know i said this in an earlier post. i'm just reaffirming it now. there have been a total of 5 models from ModelMayhem that i have cancelled working with. better than them canceli...

dream from this morning... prelude, my friend Julia is NOT moving out of the area to Tahoe like she had been planning. so she is available for me to visit and hang out with more. this is good news. last week i sent out a photo set that a photographer had put up on Flickr of a friend/lover of his and i was so impressed by the man's ability to capture this woman's beauty over a period of time, i asked the select few i shared the set with to "send the names of any candidates they knew of for such a relationship" to me. well, there was one taker. my photographer friend Rachel told me, for the second time that she thought her friend "Justine" and i would have many things in common. i asked her to "hook us up"... waiting for her to see what she can do. in the meantime i feel that i want to visit Julia again. maybe over the weekend... the following dream has a little to do with "hooking up", thus the prelude. as well as i can recall, the dream b...