750 words - day 6 part ii

 Here's an odd thought progression... that everyone we ever meet in our lifetimes are a part or a component of our complete selves. That no matter how much or little time we spend in the presence of another person, they have appeared in our lives because there is some element of our being-ness that they construct. So, when I met "Rachel", there was an aspect of my-self that was incomplete and her appearance was something I called from the universe to fill in that empty space of my awareness, or being-ness. There are so many rules of construct that could be imagined about how such a universally powerful system of organization could work, that all through out our lifetimes, as our consciousness develops and advances we either need external representations of what we are missing, or not fulfilling for ourselves. Because our states of consciousness are continually in flux our needs for different people (or pets/jobs/material possessions/etc) change. And maybe as we get into more advanced states of balanced and complete consciousness thru our relationship with God, we need less and less external representations. I like this stream of thought for how my life is going now. I feel more in flow and balance with God filling and meeting my needs than I ever have before, and as a result of this, I am manifesting fewer and fewer people for myself to have to engage with. I am more content in my alone-ness now than I have ever been before. Not 1000 percent healed or fulfilled in this sense because my mind still wanders into memories of the people, like the "Rachels" that I've encountered thru time that I thought could do something special to make my life better. Memories are a bit of a mental trap this way because they take us out of living fully in the present moment. So yeah, this is what the lesson must be for me today, that if I want to be as fulfilled and powerful as I can be NOW, I need to let go of the past. My best friend Scarlett tells me this very thing time and time again, but I am of a different generation and upbringing than she is and I have not learned this truth as well and completely as she has, yet. So what I've proceeded to do today is to sit in meditation and send Reiki healings to the places in time where I engaged in activities with Rachel to fill in the gaps of wounded emotions that occurred between us so that perhaps I'll become free of memories of her that derail my experiencing 1000 percent full consciousness in the ever unfolding NOW MOMENT. I think this is a good lesson and I'll start to do healings like this for everyone else that rises up in my memories.

Another healing that I'm beginning to focus on this afternoon is for two nephews that I have. Over the years since the birth of these two "lads", due to my marriage to the mother of the sister that is the mother of these 2 boys ending, I've been let drift out of the picture of being a relative of merit by "her" side of the family. (Hope that makes sense...) So I've never been given much information about the lives of these two boys. I hear a bit now and again, but since my marriage to the involved party ended 30 some odd years ago, no one thinks it's important to tell me things about them. But since the death of "Aine", the marriage partner that I separated from, her brothers have been opening up to, and conversing with me more than they ever have in all the years I've been connected to "her" family. And just today, one of her younger brothers told me that one of my nephews has been having addiction issues (alcohol and drugs), but that he is in recovery now and starting to get his life back on track. I found this to be disheartening news to hear. I mean, yes, glad that he has had a turn around in his life but so sad to learn that he fell so far off track living his life to it's fullest. And back to my own purpose of desiring to be a source or component of healing for one and all in this wild and crazy world. So I'm getting prepared to go in and do some specific healing work for this "lad", my nephew.. all these years this person has been living and growing and suffering and he probably knows as little about me as I know about him. Kinda very tragic in the big picture of things. And here's more too... I met and got to know the father of the two lads, back in the early 1980s when I was in Ireland. This bloke has had bizarre stories shared about his antics in Irish history, I don't know if I was ever told the truth about him or not, but one thing is that he just vanished one day. Either walked out on the family, or mysteriously died, there was probably too much Catholic-intoned embarrassment about the fella for the straight truth to be told. So I will go in deep and do healings for him as well. And then on top, the icing of this big tragically broken Irish family is the father of the woman I married. Every single person in that family has either been disowned by him, or the reverse.. they have all estranged themselves from him. I think my son is probably the only one left that speaks to him. He's been described as a vile, hateful and resentful man that only dumps vile emotions on those around him. No one has a kind thing to say about him. Even Aine, in her last years worked hard to keep in touch with him and he ended up hurting her again in the end. I'll go in and do healing for him today too...