THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

First I had a guru, who I loved extremely. Then I discovered the blessing of having muses... a little bit like having your own, intimate guru to play with. The beautiful thing about both of these experiences is that I did not know I was capable of being balanced enough karmically to receive these people into my life. I believe that the best way to be blessed by something like a guru, or a muse is to not be looking for one. This puts me into a bit of a predicament now because I no longer have a connection with my guru like I used to, and I also have lost my muse. I loved the lives I lived with both of them, and now, this void I've fallen into makes me hungry for someone new like them to come to me. They are people that cannot be replaced. You cannot say, "I want to find another guru like Gurumayi..." and then go around taste testing all the gurus out there trying to find someone just like her to fill up your life. And you especially cannot go out there and say, "I...

I've learned a lot about myself over the past two years. I've learned that I can be a very loyal friend, and that I enjoy being that type of person. I have learned that my life is better when I live in close personal proximity to another person. I grow, and the person I associate with also grows. I went through many difficult cycles of development and growth in the deep and complex friendship I built with this person. There were times when we both needed to take breaks from one another because the intensity of our interactions were overwhelming. Namely, the intensity of the desire we both shared for each other's company was limited because of obligations she had to another person in her life. She's in a committed relationship with a man who is her sexual lover. I fulfilled aspects of her desires in camaraderie that this man could not fulfill for her. What this led to was creating desire in me to become the one that would fulfill her desires in all aspects. I desired to ...