THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

There are some things that I can do fine in the world, all alone. But for some reasons, other things need at least a small bit of interaction or feedback from another person, or persons. Maybe it's like the effect of having a mirror to look into that gives you a sense of reflection for more deeply examining what the worth is of investing yourself into a project or endeavor. If you are working in, or participating with those of the world, outsider reflection is helpful but is it necessary? Sometimes, when my own perception of myself or my sense of my power/ability/worth is lacking, I do feel like it's necessary to have feedback/reflection/interaction but other times that type of interaction does not seem necessary. For the life of a loner, more and more I find that I don't care what anyone else thinks and if I want to do something I just do it. I guess what brought up this thinking right now is that I just looked over at one of my other blogs, one that I dedicate privately...

I don't even know exactly how many days it's been that I've been using kratom, close to a week, and I must say that I've never had such a revolutionary turn around in how I feel both physically and mood-wise about my health. Not in all the years that I've been using psych meds, that's for sure. Two days ago I took a dose of Green Vein Malay and went for a long walk to the city library. A little over a two mile walk. In all the years I've lived in this city (40), I've never felt strong or healthy enough to make that walk. And not only did I walk there, I walked home from there with 15lbs of books in my backpack. Later that evening I decided to take the local bus to Walnut Creek to meet a friend. Another lengthy foot excursion ensued because it's over a mile from my house to the bus stop. The day prior to that I took a dose of White Vein Malay, and had opposing effects in my mood and physical ability. I was psyched up from the experience I had...

I can't get away from her. And I do not want to get away from her. I've never wanted to get away from her. And I'm sure I won't, ever. That's not a problem. There is no problem now. There were weaknesses I suffered from before that made me feel a need for her, more than what I could experience, or more than she was able to share. But now, she has reached a state of experience in her life where she is no longer in want and it's made my connection with her become more powerful. I know I'm talking in half riddles here. I'm the only one that knows what I'm talking about and I'm only saying these things so that I'll be able to have record and remember. But she is with him  now, the him she has been longing to be with for all the time that I've known her and it's opened up an entire new dynamic in the way she and I get along. The angsty push and pull between us has ceased because I'm no longer needing to help her get what she wants, whi...