THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

I have been deliberating the writing of this blog entry for a couple of days now, so before I get more confused, or end up leaving more pieces out - here goes. It's been a strange week. I'm not exactly sure when this mood and energy shift started (other than some recollection that I did not take ANY Cymbalta last Friday). I have not been to school since then either. A lot of thoughts and revelations have occurred this week. In particular deciding that I do not want to become a web-developer or waste precious time learning a skill I may only ever have minimal personal use for (why learn Dreamweaver if all I'm ever going to need to do is tweak my Blogger?). The matter of deciding to drop this class opened up a deeper soul investigation than I expected though. I was born with a mental framework that allows very little grey area into my visions. I see things in ultimates and absolutes. My greys are where my energies get muted into depression. When I can't see clea...

Just a very quick blog entry for you all. After library class last night I by chance started to talk to one of my classmates and somehow the keyword “cherry trees” led us to discover that we grew up in the same city, went to the same elementary and junior high schools and knew a ton of the same people. And as soon as she said what her first name was I knew exactly who she was, Elena Sotello. Anyway, she is still in contact with many old classmates, or knows how to find them. I asked her about Corky Flores and I told her about the people that I had found. We are talking about making a coffee date with everyone. Found out too, that sadly, a person that I remember being quite friendly with since at least fourth grade, Jimmy Freeman died last year from complications related to gout. His blood got poisoned and died within eleven hours of being admitted to the hospital. Small, small world. I’ve been sitting about four seats away from Elena in class since September and never knew that...

looks like the Yankees are not going to the playoffs. at least i am not the only loser today. at least they are out playing the game though. i started to take more Cymbalta 2 days ago, so now i am up to 40mg a day; 20 when i wake up and 20 at dinner time. and for now i am in the throes of adjusting. which means i feel really lousy physically, and emotionally. fine time for it to happen to as this weekend is sock-full of great things i could be out doing. tonight at the ashram is the annual celebration of Muktananda's mahasamahdi , the biggest get-together they have of the year. and i feel no inclination to attend at all. in fact, i've been in bed all day and will go right back there after i finish writing this. two other things that are happening are literary events. the main one is in Danville, just 5 miles away; The Eugene O'Neill Festival - there are talks being given all day by professors and authorities and i would have loved to have attended these, especia...

i am posting this at school so i don't have access to any of my personal photos of Clive and myself, sad to say, my connection with his energy is rather weak right now. my personal writing is at one of it's weakest ebbs. i don't know why my link to my inner words is broken. it must be that i don't have anything that i believe in anymore. i will go to the cemetery tonight. i will light candles tonight on this night of the full moon and this evening of the first rains of the season. i am wearing my power talisman from Ellen today. i am depressed, its true. pdoc told me this afternoon to increase my Cymbalta dosage to 40mg. let's see what that does. i am sorry Clive that i did not remember that yesterday was your birthday. i owe so much to you. well, i'm editing this post since i first wrote it. that is in fact the picture i was talking about. and lapse brain that i am, yesterday, the 5th of October WAS in fact Clive's birthday. later last night i...