750 words - day 14 part ii

 Continuing with some new ideas to explore... Every once in a while I'm reminded of fascinations I had about certain types of activities when I was a teenager. For instance, in my teen years I used to be fascinated by the ocean and ocean sports. Sailing, surfing, scuba diving used to seem like incredible, joyous activities to me, but I did not then, nor ever in my lifetime (except for surfing) ever take steps to learn how to do those water sports. Another activity that fascinated me as a teenager was downhill skiing. I used to obsessively watch any movies or TV broadcasts (like the Olympics) that showed people skiing. Same thing though, I've NEVER become a downhill skier. Along the theme of the ocean, I had a fascination with life in the South Pacific - Tahiti in particular. And one oddball location I became obsessed with was Japan. It was the martial arts there that triggered this location for me, but I went on to expand my interest into the spiritual and religious facets of Japanese lifestyle. I've never been to Japan, nor have any strong pulling to go there now as an aging adult. One last location that spurred a fascination in my heart was Paris. From the first day that I learned about "Paris" when I was taking French in 6th grade I fell in love with everything I could learn about the place. In recent years I think I've finally let go of my dream of going there, but for decades, even up to just 5 years ago I wanted to go spend time in that city so badly it hurt. Literally, my soul felt an ache for being there, and possibly it was because I used to live there in a previous life; most likely my last lifetime. My interest in the South Pacific stirred memories of having been a missionary, also perhaps tied to a previous lifetime's experiences. Sailing could have been something I did a lot of in a previous lifetime. And having lived in Japan as a monk or samurai could have been a previous life experience. What has puzzled and interested me deeply is why I've been unable to travel to any of these places in this lifetime. I could, and should (maybe I will) do some meditative explorations into my Akashic Record to examine what happened in my past life experiences in those lifetimes to come up with an explanation as to why I've come into this lifetime with restrictions about traveling. It's not like I do not enjoy traveling, because I really, really do love to travel and see other places. There's just been this extremely tight leash around my neck that has curtailed me from ever having enough spare money in my possession to be ever to travel. That theme of restriction of access to money is something I'd still like to have better understanding of, before I leave this life, because I'm sure that in the moments when I do leave this life, all these mysteries will be revealed to me. What is happening though is that I'm becoming more and more able to accept with peace that its just the way things are and no matter how much I try to change things, there's a good reason why I'm not supposed to be able to do things like travel. What fascinates me about the matter of the fascination with the ocean is that I've had a terrible fear of water in this lifetime. Through the blessings I've received from my son, he helped heal me of my fear of getting into the ocean, that happened during the few years that we lived together in Santa Cruz when he was a teenager. But I'm still terrified of the idea of being in a boat (especially on a lake, or river). Deep water in enclosed bodies of water, like a lake or pond terrifies me still. I've been out on the San Francisco Bay on the ferry a few times, but that pretty much is the limit of that sort of activity. The fascination that I had about the ocean and sailing when I was a boy was joyous. I could escape in my mind into adventures and fantasies of being in the ocean, but that was the limit of it. To be near the ocean, I had to stay at the shore and admire it in awe that way. There was no desire of any sort to go out onto or into it. Okay, just wanted to jot these thoughts down while they were present and while I'm in such a good mood about writing.