dangerman addendum...
so i was hoping that after writing that vague description of what is fogging up my head and my heart and feet and hands (in that last post) i'd be able to write a very clear letter to one of these "new ghosts" that are churning up all this confusion in me. i've been trying to find the courage to write "her" this letter for months now actually, but every time i sit down and try to bring out my honest voice and say what it is i really want to say, i choke up. i know part of it is fear of hurting this person's feelings. another part of it is that the words i write to her will be received in total indifference, like she'll say to herself, "WTF, Darko... get on with your life and you get out of MY head too." That's the worse thing I fear, that if I write a 3,000 word letter getting all of my emotions out in explicit detail that she'll just go on with life as normal and STILL not respond to me. this is what makes me think this whole thing...