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Cormorant
Cormorant Originally uploaded by daryldarko sample from recent band promo photo shoot. be sure to click on the VIEW ON BLACK link.
okcupid, love map...
ok, this is really pretty interesting/funny/odd and i'm grinning pretty ridiculously after giving it a cursory glance. oh, and did i tell you? i joined a dating site. a pretty neat one at that, called OKCUPID . it just has a non-threatening feel about it, and it's free. i looked at joining a dating site many years ago, but didn't. and i don't know what it is now that has changed other than i feel more confident about myself. i don't think i'm looking for a miracle to happen. i'm not desperate. it just kinda seems like the right thing to do. and i've been reading some interesting profiles. there are some interesting women out there that i could see at least having coffee with. i'm sort of attracted to 30-somethings, but they are all very career focused and too athletic for me. the 40-somethings are actually a better fit. many are single with grown children, but seem in need of some excitement. the really interesting ones, which sort of surprises me ar...
Lucille - Cemetery Girl
Lucille - Cemetery Girl Originally uploaded by daryldarko my first nude model. just wanted to try it. don't think i'll do much more of it though. this was fun, but i prefer the surreal quality of my gowned beauties. the full set can be seen here; http://www.flickr.com/photos/daryldarko/sets/72157622878850834/
nearly asleep...
untitled Originally uploaded by daryldarko got a new lens for the dslr recently that mimics the lomographic, Diana effect. this is from a batch of test, learning shots i took with it. one of my personal fav "tree" shots i've ever taken.
more distancing, less connecting… equals hard hearted man
the world thinks i am a well socialized being because i interact with so many people via the internets. maybe this is true. i feel a strange sense of non-loneliness benefitted by these invisible communications with people i don’t really know. i’ve had some really tremendous exchanges of ideas, emotions and sharing life events/stories with many people on the webs. something i would have been hard pressed to facilitate by normal modes of communication 15 years ago. i have never met in person, though, one of these people from the webs that i have made even a short lived connection with. i have met people (women) via the webs that i have worked my photography with, but there is no heart connection with these people, other than that formed for the purpose of artist & model mingling energies together to create art. all of these women leave me with images of art to reflect upon, but their true, earthly personages fade into the mists of memory… i like to think that they are friends. an...
now that it’s over…
i can talk about this without much, or any emotion. i could have written about this over the weekend without any emotion, of my own, but i was afraid that people would write emotion into it because of when i said it. so this past weekend was a time that people in this country that i live in, call “thanksgiving”. it’s an excitable time of year. people get together. they celebrate. blah, blah, blah… i understand the importance of celebration and tradition. i studied anthropology, for goodness sake. it’s a world wide phenomenon, to get together and eat and “raise the roof”. most people would jump at an opportunity to be involved with such activities. many people crave being involved with such activities. it’s almost like an inborn instinct, to get together with people at “thanksgiving”. but i suspect that maybe it is NOT an instinct and that it is simply a trained behavior. this raises questions about desire, attachment, longing, separation for me. is it possible to live with detach...
angry bus driver
this evening i had an encounter with a local, Country Connection bus driver. i was out for an excursion in my town, San Ramon, California to take some experimental photographs with a new camera lens that arrived in the mail today. it had just started to rain at 4pm and i knew i didn’t have much light left to work with. i drove off in my car hoping to catch some rays of sunshine brightening up autumnally colored trees against the black clouds of the sky. i ended up parking my car in the commuter spaces at the Transit Center in the Bishop Ranch office park. i got out of the car with my umbrella because it was still raining lightly and i did not want my camera to get wet. i did not really know how to take photographs with this new lens so this was definitely a learning experience for me. i made a point of not walking into the transit center, although i did take some photographs of it. i kept my attention on the changing lighting conditions fostered by the moving storm and the qu...
no cemeteries in switzerland.
I had a dream this morning (thank you half dose Ambien!) that i was waiting for a model and her sister to get ready for a "Cemetery Girl" photo shoot. i was at there house in Berkeley. it was one of those big, classy mansions that you find in the neighborhoods on the north side of the UC campus. there was a feeling of age to the place, of many, many lives having been lived there. there was just something in the air of the place that made you feel like a lot of souls had passed through the rooms, doing the sundry activities of their lives. the house was warmly lit from the afternoon sun shining through the windows, filtered through the autumn colored, decaying leaves on the large trees in the outer yard. this worried me. it was getting late. a little bit too late. in the afternoon for our shoot. i do like to take photographs in the afternoon light, but since the recent ending of daylight savings time, afternoons get shorter and shorter every day. thoughts about this kept racin...
catch up, re group, pass away…
haven’t written in awhile, but soon, oh soon, i will be writing oh so very much more. why you may ask? well, because November is only 5 days away and that is when Nanowrimo begins! yes, i will be fooling myself and the world with speculation that i am writing another novel. what happened with the novel he wrote last November, you may ask. and that is a very good question. i am just too busy/lazy/distracted to bother with finishing it. pity, because it is really pretty good. i came very close to creating a self published book out of it, and i still really should finish it but it is so hard for me to do all the things i want to do/should do/could do with the freeform way that my life/mind works. if i had a close associate that would monitor my activities/inactivity and manage me, i could be a lot more responsible about finishing all the things that i want to do/am doing. does anyone else feel this way? if you are in a close partnership with someone (relationship or business partnersh...
Zappa unites us all...
So i meet the tow truck driver this afternoon and he sees my Zappa Plays Zappa t-shirt. "Zappa Plays Zappa, eh? Pretty good show?" "Yeah, amazing show, but sad..." Well, it turns out that this guy used to play in a band with former Zappa guitarist Ray White. And he fills me in on the history of this guys career on the way back to my house. You just never know what a day will bring, and how important what you choose to wear is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ray_White
things pass away so new births can occur...
well, i've pretty much become resigned to the fact that it's possible to live life without an automobile. pretty much. since i don't have a substantial form of income to pay for autorepairs, i can't get my car fixed anymore. so until my fortune changes, i will have to find other means of transportation to get to the places i want to/need to go to. as for getting around my town, i'm fine with walking. i'm not crazy about riding my bike in this town because it is a city made for cars, not bikers, but i will adapt. so right now i've made my first adjustment. i am sitting in the nearest starbucks to my home. it's about a 30 minute walk away, not too bad. also, i'm using my netbook, not my laptop so the weight of what i have to carry is bearable. were i to carry my laptop here it would be a real pain. and since i only have the netbook, this means that i am unable to edit photos here. i will be restricted to strictly writing. good thing, eh? considering th...
drowning didn't kill Rasputin either...
The dream began with me realizing that I was in a very dark place that reminded me of when I was in the town of Limerick, in Ireland. It was a cold month and I had been drinking a lot. So I was genuinely depressed. The vision I recall is of wearing my long, woolen overcoat and standing next to the Shannon River and I realized how easy it would be to just fall forward over the short wall, down into the water. Unnoticed. and that it would be days before my drowned body would be found. In the dream this morning, I was dressed in the same overcoat, the sky was dark, possibly raining, and I fell over a wall into a river. There was no struggle of any sort to save myself. I accepted my fate. Then something occurred to me. I don't think that I was the force that pushed me in. And I also realized that my arms and legs were bound and that I could not flounder to save myself. I was laying flat on my back on the surface of the water, yet slowly started to sink down. I closed my eyes and accept...
reverse action, backfire kindof...
with my nerves on edge about today's photoshoot, which primarily were based on dread of the drive into downtown Chicago, i had trouble sleeping last night. i fell asleep to early and too hard and was wide awake at 3am. so i fussed for a while with the tv and then tried to read more of succubus blues, thinking it would help activate a visitation from my mystery visitor from the morning before. it didn't work, and in fact started to foment some discontent in this writer's style of story telling. concluded that i'd probably toss the book before i gave it any realistic chance of winning me over. anyway, i finally turned off the television and turned off the lights and curled up and closed my eyes tightly. slumber started to pull me back inside. then an interesting thought broke in. instead of waiting for the succubus to come to me when she was ready, maybe I could make an attempt to invite one of my multitude of female associates i work with to come to me, and just lay bes...
she made her point clear, punctually...
it was only a dream, but, me being mortal man, and she being succubus, it was the only way that we could interact with each other without breaking any rules. i was staying in a room that reminisced of being in a college dorm. the room was decorated with bare essentials; a bed, a chair, a lamp. in my dream awareness i knew something was about to happen but i did not know exactly what it was going to be, or that it would be a who. my last visitation by a succubus was very different than this visitation. it was about 2 months ago and i was sure that it was the spirit body of Francesca Lia Block that invaded my sleep. The evening before I had just began my first online conversation with her and I told her that I wanted to receive her blessing to assist me with my writing. Before I knew it, I was awakening the next morning from a lucid interaction with spirit form. It was a sensual encounter, not a sexual one. But she engulfed my dream body with her spirit body and a soul connection was gen...
easy day, new writer i'm excited by...
picked up a book at the library last night, solely based on it's title; Succubus Blues, by Richelle Mead . not really expecting to read it at all, but when i woke up this morning i flipped through a few sections before i got out of bed. and i read. and i got pulled in. and i want to read more. and i want to write. again. and i want to write more. the piece i was a letter written by the MC to a friend of hers. apparently the main character is an actual, living, physical succubus and she describes the fascination she has with this mortal man, who, being a succubus, she cannot touch. well, the man is a writer and they sort of date and she talks about how his writing drives her crazy because of his descriptions of sex that his main character has. and she wants to have sex with him but can't. she knows though, that it is her influence, her energy, her desire that is sparking his creativity. and she wants him even more!! well, you know i talk about getting visited by succubi somewhat...
new visions created by going east, old man...
just want to spout a few comments and ideas about what is going on now. no new breakthroughs about life's purpose or dreams for the future, but i am feeling refreshed here in the Chicago area. the excitement i felt last year and the year before has diminished, as now, i feel more established here, more like a regular. although i still raised eyebrows yesterday because of the shirt i was wearing. got into a discussion about death metal with a christian lady as a result. today i am going to a cemetery i have not visited before to photograph a model i have not met before. she is very familiar with this cemetery (Mount Carmel Cemetery in Hillside) and is a very striking redhead. i am quite excited as she is my primary model for this tour. i almost thought i lost her too as communication started to break down over the past month. the one other model i had scheduled for this visit DID flake out on me. still waiting for some sort of explanation from her. anyway, i feel more rooted in this...
this though, IS my style...
and if someone would pay me to do a one-man-sing-along show (i guess i could stand on a corner in Venice Beach and sing this song - maybe i'd make enough loose change to buy a hot dog and coke each day), i'd do it. be on the look out! if you hear some strange dude humming out loud, it might be me...
not my style, but AMAZING all the same...
This beautiful, smart woman has a very complex spirit that emanates her understanding through song. I likes her tres beaucoup.
health care woes... woe is me, woe is you, woe, woe, woe...
You know, I'm a member of the lower class of government health care beneficiaries, right? Medicare and Medi-Cal are what pay for my visits to doctors and buy my medications. My ears are not paying attention to the debates going on now about the future of medical care in this country, although I should be very concerned. I am just reacting apathetically to the whole mess. In general, I would say that people should beware about receiving poor, substandard care in a future where the government regulates health care. I base this assessment on my experiences in the mental health arena. I believe that there are people in the world, in this country that pay for, and receive quality mental health care. I do not feel like I am one of these people. I do not feel that I have EVER received good mental health care. The reason being that "good psychiatrists" do not accept patients into their care whose fees are paid by the government. Doctors do get paid by Medicare and Medi-Cal but th...
the melding of Christ Elvis...
i acted a little daring this afternoon and posted a video on my Facebook page that i said i would take down if it offended anyone. turns out that it did. offend. just one person spoke against it, but three other people spoke up in defense of it. this is a snapshot image of the posting and conversation. you can find the actual video on YouTube if you'd like to see it.
late night antics...
I use an online social networking application called BrightKite ( brightkite.com ). The purpose of the site is to assist your friends that live in your city to know where you are. For instance, when I go to Starbucks I "sign in" to BrightKite and it sends out a message to the people I have friended that use the site, and, if any of them are in that neighborhood they could drop by and visit me. Kind of cool, eh? Well, the only thing is that I don't know anyone in my town other than people that work in the businesses I frequent, so it's kind of a waste of my time to use this application. Except that I do have "friends" I know on the Internet that also use this program. Like "Brad", who lives in Los Angeles. I met Brad on Twitter. He's about the age of Billy, my son and he has a music blog (he writes reviews of albums, songs, concerts, etc.). Well, we've become sort of chummy. We even have the same phone. So we kind of geek-out together, use t...
Zoe of the Travelers - Music For Airports
I had the sweetest experience today. I got to act like a groupie and went to watch a musician that I really, really like play in a very intimate setting. Well, the setting was not all that intimate; it was on a mezzanine in a very busy airport and her goal was to play a sort of background music for the traveler's passing through on their ways to their flights. But it was intimate in the sense that there was only a small crowd of people that specifically came to watch her perform. And I virtually got to sit at her feet while she played her mystifying brand of cello music. This is only one of the many photos I took of her. More photos and video will show up on my Flickr account and at my Facebook. I'll add the video here later too.
Gwyneth & Emma - Cemetery Sisters
My latest photo shoot was with two sisters; nieces of someone that I knew from high school. We hung out for an hour in a local cemetery and took these photos. It was my first time to have models in this particular cemetery, although I have shot many, many photos of myself there before. I am very pleased with the mood and character that was captured in these shots. Create a free slideshow with Picnik!
My Photography Book Now - contest entry!
Well, I did it! I could have started working on this months ago, but actually only began 2 weeks ago. It was not that difficult of a task, putting this book together but in many ways it was a very grand task for me. For one thing, publishing this book brings me to a crossroads with my photography. Originally I wanted to photograph 100 women for this book, and at this time I've only photographed 48. This could mean that I go on with the project and eventually publish a "volume 2". Or it means that I could stop now and find something new to do. Regardless of what I do I am proud of this publication and it is with humble joy that I thank all the women that have participated in the project with me. I also thank all of my friends and family that have encouraged me, and/or modeled for me. There have been detractors along the way too. Something I still don't quite understand. I may have more to say about all of this later, but for now I just wanted to share this image. Part ...
silence is a golden thing sometimes…
seems that a lot of the time when i feel urged to blog it is because i have complaints on my mind. and then i go quiet and you don’t hear anything from me for awhile. well, usually during those quiet times i DON’T have anything to complain about and things are going pretty well. does that make you think i am a born complainer and only write or phone if there is a problem? maybe. maybe not. i don’t know. i mean, i could complain now, about something, but that is not how i am feeling. or experiencing life right now. am i at peace? well, i actually think that i am pretty much at peace a lot of, or all the time. my own kind of peace and satisfaction with my lot. at least i am more at peace as more time passes, or so it seems. the things i complained about last time i blogged, i’m over, for now. i do have a concern this week. the profundity of deaths of 50 year old men in the news. it’s foolish to think that big names in the news can set trends, unless you are superstitious. but the de...
crossroads, horizons, antithetical nonsense…
i’m here again. wanting to be a writer. wanting to be THE writer i’ve always been meant to be. feeling the urge. feeling the push. feeling the birth. pulling all the old ideas together into a mass of tissue that wants to breath and walk amongst others that can see what i mean. a coalescence, a formation, a tantamount expression of all the mysteries that i’ve whined about during this lifetime, this deathtime, this passage into the other. so i’ve recently, accidentally, though that’s not possibly true, made a connection with someone that i genuinely consider to be one of my favorite writers of all time. a beautiful woman, just a little younger than i am that specializes in writing young adult fiction. and i’ve earned a bit of an audience from her; by that, i mean that i’ve spoken out to her and she has responded to me. she has a busy life full of people; i’m not saying i think there is anyway that i’ll become a member of her clan, but i foresee the possibility of getting to meet her in...
out of the house!
strange thing happened today. on the spur of the moment i decided to leave the house with my laptop. at first thought that i would just go to the dublin library because it is a place that i have worked at before, with little distraction. but for some reason i decided to drive by my old starbuttz and see if there by chance was a table open for me to use. and there was! i walked right in and was able to obtain my normal table with a cushioned bench. i guess the nice weather is driving people outside. and that was at 1pm when i got here. it’s now 3pm and the place is more full. i guess i lucked out. the thing floating around in the back of my mind to do here is pull my writing back out of it’s trunk. my current writing project is my nanowrimo novel from last november. i’m into the next chapter now, something i haven’t even looked at since april. it is really awful writing. and there is so much that can be edited out. not sure how i’m going to decide what to do with it. i want to ke...
debate about counting…
do you have 10,000 of something that you’ve created? i have 9,980 things i’ve created. and they are all in one place where they can be experienced. that number changes daily though. it’s increasing. and i don’t put junk there either. every one of those 9,980 things are creative expressions that go through my personal standards of quality. that’s the way art is, isn’t it? the artist is the ultimate judge. i’ve created art before that i’ve hated. or at least felt such a rage of emotions stir up inside of me that i couldn’t stand to look at it. (this instance was during a drawing class i participated in for only two sessions when i lived in Mendocino back in 1980. and because of what happened there i will never take a drawing or painting class again, the self revelation was so powerful it frightened me.) i ended up burning the things i drew. well, and then i pissed on the ashes. i produce a lot of photographs. because it is easy for me to. if i could write as easily as i can photograph ...