750 words - day 11

 Today was a full, active day and I'm thoroughly exhausted tonight. I've been having many, many days recently where I'm completely exhausted and ready to sleep at a very early hour for myself. I've been walking 3-5 miles a day, nearly every day since the beginning of December, which I enjoy very much. I've cut back on the amount of "others" that I listen to speaking on the internet. I used to fill my days with listening to teachers and authorities of spiritual matters, but I finally got to a point where I weaned myself off of depending on any of them for spiritual enlightenment or insights. And now I just listen to my own silence and presence. I am not full of questions and wonderings anymore. I just accept that what I see and feel, this is enough to know to be able to experience God. Endless explanations and ongoing diatribes aren't required to be able to know what God knows, or what God feels like. It's kind of nice for a change. And maybe it's a sign of the age I've reached, and the maturity I've acquiesced... that everything is fine just as it is, no matter what it looks like anymore.

Regardless of what I just said about not listening to anyone anymore, I have been, for a few days this week while walking, I've listened to George Noory on Coast To Coast AM and the people he interviews on his radio show. I always get bursts of enlightenment when I hear these confident folks explaining the knowledge that they possess and how they have become able to monetize the knowledge they've turned into spiritual practices. But I think it's the same sort of enjoyment that other sorts of people get when they watch a sporting event. It's short lived enjoyment. My getting enjoyment from hearing someone talk about how they experience God-states is like a football fan enjoying seeing his team earn points against their foe. Hmm, odd mixed metaphors happening here perhaps. And who knows, maybe after a few more days and a few more walks I'll get tired of George and his guests mind-ramblings and I'll leave the earphones at home, so I can just listen to the sounds of the noisy/quiet world.

Sometimes I wonder, when I leave the house to go out for a walk, or out for a drive to a hiking place, could this be the last time I walk out this door? With all the stories we hear in the news about people disappearing, could I be subject to a disappearance scenario one of these days? We always rush out the door thinking that, "Oh, I'll be home in an hour or two. Life will continue as normal, just has it done all these days/weeks/months/years before... I'll come home and my housemate(s) will be here, I'll pick up my phone and send text messages to my closest friend(s), I'll crawl into my warm and comfortable bed this evening and I'll fall asleep with a favorite horror film playing on the television, only to wake up in 6 hours with a sore back and no memories of the dreams that I had..." but this is only true up to a point. One of these days/nights we won't find our way home, or we won't wake up in the morning. And we'll have failed to say all the "I LOVE YOUs" to the important people in our lives that we meant to say so that they'll not miss us regretfully after that day that our breath disappears from our bodies. We are all going to disappear from the worlds of our bodies that we have been inhabitants of for all these years. I don't know exactly what my point is here other than to say, it's so important to be fully alive and aware and conscious in these bodies as much as possible so that when the flame gets snuffed out and darkness swallows us, we will feel like we did our utmost efforts to make everyone everywhere feel loved and cared for.

Yeah, feeling especially tired lately. Not ill in any way. I guess it doesn't mean anything. It's so wonderful to not have any illness experiences occurring in my body these last 4/5 years. In fact, I think since I became a Reiki Master, that's how long I've been having this stretch of lack of sickness. I hadn't pieced those pieces of the story together before. Becoming a Reiki Master was probably the most tantamount achievement I've experienced in these latest years of my life. I'm so grateful that Scarlett had the inspiration to direct us along this pathway.