THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

 Midnight came, and 40 minutes of it passed before I gave up the fight in my mind about what to write about here tonight. Since I had no new ideas rising I was debating waiting till morning to see if I had any dreams occur that I could describe. Some of my most enjoyable writing in the past is when I have dreams that I can remember after waking that I felt like documenting. One of the very first pieces of creative writing I did when I was a sophomore in high school was one of these "endeavors"... to not do more than just write down descriptions of what it was that I saw, felt, and experienced in my dreams one particular night. My creative writing teacher thought it showed signs of promise for me to have a future as a writer, and it was probably the tantamount event of anything I did in all the years I was in high school trying to garner academic acclaim. I remember that the next time I tried to write something as prosaic as that first "story", it fell flat. Trying t...

 I've been praying for a number of years for a long-lost friend I had in high school. I have mentioned her here in this blog on several occasions. She was my first high school crush. We were sophomores when we met. Nearly 50 years ago when we first me, 49 years to be exact. And I've shared in these pages how I've searched all possible sources of the internet to find trace of her life, and have found no evidence of her still being alive. So over the past few years I've just started to assume that she has passed on and is no longer living. Oddly, there have also been no information about her death/burial that I could find either, and no one that is still living from those high school years have any contact info to share with her.  So I have started to make efforts to contact her on the other side. Scattered efforts, hit and miss doing my own versions of what I think are meditation tools to suss out the dead. Regadless of what my past efforts have garnered as results, I FI...

 After listening to some explanations of some of the spiritual developments we may be in store to experience as a result of today's partial lunar eclipse, some of which expounded upon the ability to experience romantic relationships that might be lifetimes old, I had a dream this morning in which I feel that the spirit of my first romantic interest in this lifetime appeared. The girl that I met in the dream called herself "Katie", but I now sense that it was my first semi-romantic-soul-sister, Michelle, from sophomore year in high school that was visiting me. In the dream, we met in a food establishment in a place that look-felt like Marin County, but it was on a flipped map... the Marin County in my dream was on the opposite side of the map from where it should be. I didn't fully recognize who she was in the dream, but she did at least feel familiar to me. Within the first 5 minutes of our conversation, something came up that made me feel like I needed to leave the s...

This dream memory is from yesterday, so I do not have crystal clear memory of everything I saw and experienced, but I do remember the essence of what was shown to me. This is what I need to record and share. I was in a world of another dimension. It was a dimension similar to this earthly one; people looked like people, buildings and cities etc looked as they do here. The thing that it took me awhile to realize was that the matter of which everything was built from was "less dense" than the material density of our world. Things were not transparent, but they were "softer". The closest idea I can give you of what matter looked like was that it was malleable like play-dough but it looked like the dense styrofoam-like stuff they make floatable toys for swimming pools with. What I started to see happen was that people were walking around and with just their hands, they could make this stuff manifest out of the air and shape it into whatever they wanted it to be. (Li...

So I've been having better experiences of sleep consciousness recently than I have over most of the past year. Finding the right combination of sleep meds to take - to prevent me from either sleeping TOO deeply, or not sleeping deeply enough is an ever going quandary. (Right now I'm using small doses of seroquel, trazadone and melatonin, as well as healthy doses of red kratom. Haha, you are probably thinking "this guy is NOT well"... You are right to think so, but I'm light years better than I used to be with all the meds I used to be coerced to use.) Anyway, it's about 2 months now that I've been having dreams again. They are not always technicolor or memorable. I will work on getting better at recording them though. So this dream this afternoon (yeah, I still have weird hours of awakening consciousness) had to do with two communities of people, who were neighbors in what really felt like rural Oregon. I was not exactly a member of either of these commu...

I had a dream this morning (thank you half dose Ambien!) that i was waiting for a model and her sister to get ready for a "Cemetery Girl" photo shoot. i was at there house in Berkeley. it was one of those big, classy mansions that you find in the neighborhoods on the north side of the UC campus. there was a feeling of age to the place, of many, many lives having been lived there. there was just something in the air of the place that made you feel like a lot of souls had passed through the rooms, doing the sundry activities of their lives. the house was warmly lit from the afternoon sun shining through the windows, filtered through the autumn colored, decaying leaves on the large trees in the outer yard. this worried me. it was getting late. a little bit too late. in the afternoon for our shoot. i do like to take photographs in the afternoon light, but since the recent ending of daylight savings time, afternoons get shorter and shorter every day. thoughts about this kept racin...

The dream began with me realizing that I was in a very dark place that reminded me of when I was in the town of Limerick, in Ireland. It was a cold month and I had been drinking a lot. So I was genuinely depressed. The vision I recall is of wearing my long, woolen overcoat and standing next to the Shannon River and I realized how easy it would be to just fall forward over the short wall, down into the water. Unnoticed. and that it would be days before my drowned body would be found. In the dream this morning, I was dressed in the same overcoat, the sky was dark, possibly raining, and I fell over a wall into a river. There was no struggle of any sort to save myself. I accepted my fate. Then something occurred to me. I don't think that I was the force that pushed me in. And I also realized that my arms and legs were bound and that I could not flounder to save myself. I was laying flat on my back on the surface of the water, yet slowly started to sink down. I closed my eyes and accept...

it was only a dream, but, me being mortal man, and she being succubus, it was the only way that we could interact with each other without breaking any rules. i was staying in a room that reminisced of being in a college dorm. the room was decorated with bare essentials; a bed, a chair, a lamp. in my dream awareness i knew something was about to happen but i did not know exactly what it was going to be, or that it would be a who. my last visitation by a succubus was very different than this visitation. it was about 2 months ago and i was sure that it was the spirit body of Francesca Lia Block that invaded my sleep. The evening before I had just began my first online conversation with her and I told her that I wanted to receive her blessing to assist me with my writing. Before I knew it, I was awakening the next morning from a lucid interaction with spirit form. It was a sensual encounter, not a sexual one. But she engulfed my dream body with her spirit body and a soul connection was gen...

the dreams i have of the ashram i used to attend have always intrigued me greatly because the place NEVER looks like i've ever seen it. i ALWAYS know that is where i am though. in my dream this morning one characteristic from recent ashram dreams persisted; the place was enshrouded in darkness. mind you, i have also been entertaining thoughts of visiting the place in Oakland again lately. in fact, i considered going there last night. didn't feel a strong enough motivation to follow through. this dream begins with me inside the ashram; i did not see myself walk in, i just appeared there. i could sense that there were many people inside the building but i did not see them. i could just feel their presences at first. first thing i noticed was that there was a food serving line set up and this made me think that it must be lunch time. i was feeling hungry so i went up and got a tray of food. it looked like rice with ground lamb served over it. a sure indicator that the energy in th...

well, i took the seroquel-brain damage again last night. i decided that the increased amount of mental focus it is giving me is worth the potential brain damage. for right now at least. my dreams usually seem to take on an epic time frame when i write them out. i am a bit of a freak about including innocuous details. bear with me. Road Trip ah, this dream started out with me arriving somewhere where i was to pick up two younger male characters who i was to go on a road trip with. they seemed to be in their teens, when i first met them. i had driven down a long narrow road along flats near the ocean, or so it seems now in recollection. not a straight road. i remember there being a a sandy parking area with those greasy telephone poles laying on the ground creating a border of where you are not supposed to drive beyond. there was a small shack that the boys must have lived in off to the side. i saw one of the boys standing outside the shack and walked up and followed him inside. there we...

I had one of the most incredible dreams I've ever had this morning. It was with Bob Dylan and the young person that led me to understand his genius. The dream took place in a small town where Dylan was going to perform. He sent me a text message on my cell phone and told me to bring my friend, that he wanted to meet us and that he had something to give us. I found my friend and she was so excited. "What could he possibly have to give to us, he has given us so much already?", she said over and over. We met him in an empty parking lot in the dark of street lights. Now this is almost hilarious but he smiled so big and said "I've wanted to meet you so badly!" and was actually giggling! Then he handed us a golden ticket (I thought it was a credit card) and he said "Use this. It will take you anywhere. Just remember though that I will always be there with you. All you need to do is remember my songs." God. Now I'm crying. Life without Dylan. How have...

The last thing I wanted to talk about now is that I am tempted to yet again subscribe to T-Mobile's Hot Spot service so that I can use my laptop at Starbux . The Starbux in Danville is the one place I have found where I can sit and write that feels like going to "the office" to me. I can't write at home. There are too many distractions. T-Mobile only charges me $19.95 more a month for the service and I can stop at any time... blah blah blah... the thing is I feel like writing! And this is strange because I have another creative outlet right now that is working really well for me. See? This is a sign that my consciousness is heightening, that my abilities are broadening and that I'm becoming more empowered. Whether I'll actually follow through and do this soon, we'll see. I almost called to re-join last night but made a short film (wait for the debut on YouTube ) instead. The way you'll know (other than my telling you) that I'm sitting...

ok, it has been a long weekend and i'm ready to go to bed for a week. it started out with a phenomenal non-win/win of Trivia Tickets to Slim's to see Weezer/The Smiths/U2 cover band show (i'll detail this story more later) and then going on a photo shoot with 20 strangers i met on Flickr. i shot over 1000 photographs on my new camera. ok, the thing i have to make note of here more than anything is the weirdest dream image i have seen in over 10 years. i was sitting out front of our house in my car with my mom. my brother came walking out carrying my mummified corpse which was wrapped like a mummy. he said that i had to take this with me and deliver it. i thought he said it had to go to some store that was down the street, and "that they would know what to do with it." i opened the sunroof and he slid it in, feet first and i laid it down into the back of the car. how weird is that?