THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

 I surprise myself sometimes by the things I find that capture my attention. Lately, I've started binge-watching Master Chef. This hyped-up reality tv show that tries to give home chefs a chance to improve their skills, but also there is the lure of a cash prize and fame. I used to be afraid of Gordon Ramsey because all I really knew him for was his insane anger on that other competitive show of his called Hell's Kitchen, which I had never seen a full episode of before. (I've watched 6 seasons of Master Chef, as well of 6 seasons of Hell's Kitchen at this point in time.) What I find alluring about the show is the humanity that is focused on in the show. The contestants are very real and honest, and sadly what I benefit from watching this is having a sense of there being people in my life. Of course, I can't interact with these people, but in a bizarre way, I feel like the emotions they stir up in me while I watch the show makes me feel more human. I don't intera...

the time has come to write this post. all of my pre-contemplative ideas of how to speak beguilinigly, to offer an illusion that i have been in control of my life are exhausted. so now i will write pretty much straight from the gut. i don't know how to say that i screwed up without saying that I AM screwed up. i mean, in some ways i can seperate my self from my situation(s) but the majority of the time the weight and presence of this physical being and it's dense mind coerce me to believe in a "smaller self". in some ways i'm glad i screwed up at school, this time, again, this way... it's familiar yet it was new. i always seem to make some sort of impression when i come out of my shell and become able to participate with other people in studies. people seem to think i'm a likable character but no one ever really seems to like me. the people over the years that i still keep in touch with would forget about me if it weren't for me keeping in touc...