THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

 One thing I love about how my life has turned out to be, up to this moment in time, is how I am able to be present in the current moment, and not be bothered or fixated on the past or the future. I am also becoming able to forget about events. I do happen to know that on this date of the year, it's considered to be New Year's Eve, but to me, it really is just another day. I'm becoming able to experience every single new progressing moment as the beginning of the rest of my life. I don't need to wait for January 1st to arrive to start living my life better. It's ALWAYS New Life Day, in this very second, this very moment. Not in 4 hours from now. And certainly not 4 hours ago. It's like time stops moving when you pull all of your mind's activities right into being HERE, and observing what is happening, and doing whatever you feel moved to do. Yeahhh, I really like life being like this. I'm also up to an age where my responsibilities to the world are scant...

 Well, I gave up on doing New Moon intentions about a year ago. My thoughts just aren't organized enough to think about what it is I need (to manifest) in my life, I never write down what my intentions were, so later if anything did happen, or change, I didn't have a record to prove that it worked... and overall, I'm just pretty much okay with things happening the ways that they do. So why am I thinking about trying it again, now, today? Maybe because I've started listening to an astrologer that makes more sense to me, and who moves me more on an intellectual basis... A thinking man's/woman's astrologer... he didn't even suggest the idea of setting intentions with this new moon (that occurred around 3pm yesterday)... but something arose inside me making me feel like it might be worth trying... So here's what I'm going to do. And it's different than just making a list of wishes... I'm just descending into my heart (with my consciousness) to li...

  So this is a new endeavor I’m exploring. Going to try to channel some information about an event that occurred, somewhere, sometime in recent history. I know literally no information about the details of what happened. I do know that a murder occurred, and this is what I’m hoping to garner details about... I came upon this idea to try to “channel while writing” just recently, so let’s see how this goes. I see this as only an exercise that will get me more active in writing again, and stretch and develop my channeling skills. So I’ve already grounded and connected to the energetic essence of “this occurrence”... now I’m just going to begin writing spontaneously allowing ideas, a voice, and descriptions to develop on their own... I already feel like it’s “the house” that the murders occurred in that wants to share its insights with and thru me. A house is a physical construct, but it is also constructed of “energy”... It vibrates with energy, it IS energy, and it absorbs the energy...

 I had some quite enlightened thoughts and ideas flowing into my mind after I finished writing what I shared here last night. One theme that came in was the idea of how I can use this form of creative writing as a form of psychic channeling... I believe that I enter into an altered state of consciousness when I write. I begin my writing sessions by making an effort to connect with my very specific writing muses, I ask them to infect me with the energies that affected them when they were able to write their most poignant pieces of literature... but it goes beyond that too, they are not finite beings, they are gateway beings that tap into and channel the Greater Muse that inspires all creators. But when the Greater Muse flows into and through my personal muses, the energy of inspiration that reaches me is flavored with the life energies of these few humans that have greatly inspired me with the words they have commited to literature... So the bigger idea I was toying with last night ...

 blahablahahahahalblaaahbiddelyblahhhhh i don't know what to write about right now, but I'm sitting here in a cafe and it's what I do when I'm in cafes... sometimes I don't even decide to goto a cafe until I know I have a topic to explore, but today I came to a cafe becuase my best friend said she had time to a cafe, and did I want to come, and yes, of course, I wanted to meet her there... she and I used to cafe sooooo much in the early years of our friendship, aside from cemeteries, cafes were the central place that we would meet to spend time together...  I just scrubbed my memory to figure out how long we've been friends, we met pretty close to 11 years and 6 months ago... anyway... what else is going on? I did a LOT of walking last week, and using the Strava app my mileage was recorded; nearly 20 miles! A new incentive is using another phone app called RANDONAUTICA... it's a little tricky getting that app to work properly... like, it needs a data connect...

 Sorry if what I spoke yesterday came out rather bluntly, but it was the timbre that resonated with my soul's current energy... but, it was not explicit enough in detail to give a well enough rounded picture of just how well I am in my soul. I am so extremely content with the status of my life right now. The greatest desire I have is to be able to visit and spend time with my grandchildren. Missing them is an experience of tragic loss for me, but I am not having the worst experience of this type of other humans on this planet. And this is a major theme I wanted to expand upon.  In my experiences of "lack", I am experiencing the gift of being able to tap into the energy of others on this planet who are experiencing similar types of lack, and what I go on to do is share the deep flow of God's love that I feel in my heart to them. I literally "feel their pain" but rather than wallow in it, I swim in the oceans of abundance of the love of God to share with them,...

 I have not felt like writing here becuase it seems like nothing has changed since the last time I wrote. But things HAVE changed. They are worse, hehe, sigh. Which is a good thing. The harder life becomes in the material world, the more apt we are to discover greater more beauteous expereinces in the inner world. My inner life has become stronger and more beauteous over the past few months. I spend more time meditating, more time doing psychic and Reiki healings for others, and more time contemplating the hard questions of my life. I do not pray for a miracle of monetary abundance to fall into my lap anymore, but I pray for more of the Grace of God to enable me to endure the physical harshness of this world.  So I'm in a period of flux and adjustment. Despire work as a pet sitter being abundant this time of year, the toils of inflation upon the economy make my earnings not as powerful to meet my basic needs. I live in a house with no heat, I eat a warm meal only once or twice...

 I can honestly say that I do not understand what is going on in my life, or in the world right now. I have been swallowed into a void of disconnect where it doesn't seem how hard I try to devise a plan for new directions to follow, nothing sticks. Nothing I reach for to hold onto holds. No new visions or inspirations to chase and manifest are appearing. It's VERY weird right now and the only thing I can start to shine light on is that we are in a very intense astrological configuration right now where 6 planets are currently in retrograde. This type of configuration does not happen very often. 5 planets were in simultaneous retrograde back in the early 80s, but the last time 6 planets retrograded together was in 1943. I am only a fan of astrology so I can't explain in any clear sense what this all means, other than it's weird, complex, and rare. How anyone else is managing right now in their lives, well, I'd be curious to hear... I know that my closest friends are ...

 So let's just see what comes out... it's just kinda laughably ridiculous how quickly things can change in life. I'm just glad that life has developed me so well that I can pretty much just roll with the flow/blows that are dealt to me, and I get back up on my feet rather quickly.  I thought for sure that the gig at Whole Foods was going to have me set for a good long stretch of life. I was going to make more money for less effort than any other gig I've been working at for years now. And I thought I read all the signs correctly and that I was making the right choice in getting this job. But Ye Gods had something different in mind and I was forcibly exited from that position after just being there for 3 weeks. And what are my new plans? Thankfully Ye Gods picked me up and placed me into 2 really good-paying pet sitting jobs, which might enable me to put aside enough money for a trip to Minnesota at the end of October. There are so many things that can happen (see above)...

 Dear Friends, I am heartbroken to tell you about what has happened, but I ended up injuring myself at my new job (Whole Foods) and have left being an employee for the company. I left on good terms and they told me that after I complete physical therapy (at the end of August), if I want my job back, they'll rehire me.  How did this happen? Being old and out of shape is one explanation. Being over enthusiastic and wanting to impress everyone with a good attitude is another explanation. My bipolar "mania" rose it's smiling, ugly head and my enthusiasm caused me to damage the muscles in my shoulders (to the point where I was unable to lift my arms for several days straight). Anyway, I'm getting away from the deeper message here.  I was so excited about this job and how willing they were to work with the limitations I presented them with. I had a ceiling on the amount of money I could earn in a month ($970 a month is the limit Social Security allows me to make without...

 Wow, something really has changed, in my world and life, at least. Today I feel such a deep feeling in my bones of solidity and anchored presence. It's like all the years of yearning for things to be better are starting to develop and manifest. I just have this newfound sense of being in the right place at the right time and I feel assured more than ever, that everything really is going to work out fine. I'm not sure how I want to expound on these sensations I'm experiencing... Firstly though, I have to state that getting rehired at Whole Foods feels like one of the best chess moves I've made with my life and intentions in a very long time. I can't wait to see what will begin to happen once I start my official hours working there tomorrow morning. Backing up a few steps, I do need to give credit to the solidity of my meditation practice now. It's always been an exciting form of self-care for me, to meditate when it's convenient, but now it's advanced to...

 I had odd feelings rise up these past couple of days before the moon went full early this morning. When I was driving home from the pet sitting job I did last week, I had a strange sense of feeling like, well, that's the end of that line of work. I have only two, weekend assignments left on my calendar. All of the other jobs scheduled through December are now canceled, and no one new has approached me to sit for them. Which is very strange for this time of year. BUT, something else has arisen to fill that space... more on that in a moment. Driving home that night I also felt the hugeness of how much I really do miss my mom, and Aine... and Billy and the grandkids... getting older, with fewer people in your life, fewer anchors of those that love and trust and somewhat know you the best, it's an adaptation I had never really thought about ahead of time before... Maybe this comes from having a smaller family... I have been missing people since early on though, so it's not ent...

 I watched two hours of a zoom conference today that was hosted by The Society for Scientific Exploration. The topic was Parapsychology. There were individuals speaking from various professional, and collegiate associations that do extensive research into the paranormal. I had so many thoughts run through my mind and jolts of psychic electricity bouncing around between my skull and my heart. One of the speakers was a noted Bay Area parapsychologist and college professor, Loyd Auerbach. I learned about it and first contacted Auerbach about 6 years ago. Back when Scarlett and I first started to attend HCH in Lafayette. Loyd had been teaching a workshop/classes about the paranormal and when I read the flier describing his abilities and what the classes were about, I decided that I had to sign up for it.  Turns out that the brochure I read was from the last time he taught the course, 2 years prior. But I was able to obtain his email address from the brochure and I wrote to him, as...

 I've had some updated adjustments happen to my consciousness regarding all the things I'm thinking about these days. One of my meditation tools that I need to remember to use more often is astral traveling. For right now, it's the most powerful method for me to get nearly instant answers to questions I'm struggling with. The great thing is that my AT journeys usually only take 3-5 minutes... sometimes they'll go longer, like 10-20 minutes if I'm in need of more involved healing or to get a larger template download. So I just did a 4-5 minute AT session to get some clarity about the mental rigamarole that I'm juggling now about this idea of going back to "legit job work"... So today, just from normal activities (dog walking, visiting a friend at the park) my body feels like it's been knocked around by a schoolyard bully. I have sore joints and my back has got sharp stabbing pains... nothing TOO unusual for my lifestyle... but it alerted me beca...

 So today I applied for ANOTHER job online... to work at Trader Joe's. Still have not heard anything from WF, and TJ says it may take 3 weeks before I'll hear from them. Thursday afternoon is my phone interview with the security company... Interestingly, I had a question-asking session with my pendulum just a few minutes ago... asked if I'll be offered a job at WF, or TJ, and the pendulum swung indifferently (which means that as of now, the answer is unknown). I then asked if I should keep playing the lotto game I've been obsessed with lately, and the pendulum immediately swung NO. The lottery is such a deep font of addictive, enjoyable fantasy thinking... the pleasure one gets from simply being able to imagine what one would do with such riches is practically orgasmic. It's a cheap thrill to toss a dollar into the "pool" and be allowed to "dream big"... Is it a waste of time doing this? Perhaps it genuinely is. I know I'm one day closer to t...

 So hey! I've applied for 2 different jobs in the past 2 days!! And I'm beginning to feel a tinge excited about the prospects. Although, I am also trembling a bit from fear that my resume shows too damaged of a persona for anyone to want to hire me... I have not heard anything from Whole Foods yet... Almost 2 full days have passed... I know that is not much time, but with all of the company's hoopla about how eager they are to hire new people, I anticipated being contacted immediately. One of my fears is that I have been blacklisted by the company because of how I quit my job (on the spot) when I worked for them back in 2015. That fear is part of what made me think and fear for all these years that they would never consider re-hiring me... during other phases when I felt curious urges about going back to work there again... Anyway, maybe I'll get a call from them tomorrow. Then today I applied for another "security guard" position in San Ramon. It's listed...

 Really do not have any pressing ideas or thought currents in my mind today... so let's just see where and what my fingers will unfold for us to think about here... I'm getting into a bit of rhythm with pet sitting assignments lately... I've been making enough money from these gigs to not have to Door Dash at all, which is a plus-plus... less expenditure of funds on gas is a big win, and also just not having to endure the stresses of doing food delivery; slow merchants, stressful traffic and difficult to deliver addresses are a great relief to not be suffering. The one thing I loved about DD'ing, was the freedom of being on the road and the essence of a feeling of being a purveyor of Reiki energies to the inhabitants of the neighborhoods I'd roll thru. That was a side benefit I manifested in my own mind, to make the work feel a bit more purposeful. Now I know that I do not have to be present in neighborhoods to be able to deliver Reiki...   But I'm still not mak...

 Continuing from the premise I established yesterday, the human mind perceives the outer world through lenses of perception that tint the actual reality we are experiencing with diluted theories that can lead us astray in many ways. Religion is such a lens of perception. It's also a rather dangerous one. In my experience, religion is what opened my eyes to a quicker way of remembering the divine . And that's really what I want to talk about mainly in today's posting. DIVINITY . I may end up stating that divinity  is also created by a lens. But for the most part of my experience, becoming able to recognize divinity in the world is one of the most tantamount achievements we as humans can attain. I need to be wary of causing a sense of separation to be construed. That those who practice religion do not necessarily experience the divine. This is possible, and not a hard or fast rule at all.  So basically, the material of religion, the bibles, the Sistine Chapels, the prayers,...

 but when I employ this maxim thru blog-speak, I'm sure it sounds like all I do is complain. That is not my intention. One of the big things I've learned from Lorie Ladd is that we as individuals, choose to examine the world thru a variety of "lenses"... there are many myriad types of lenses that we can view the world thru, and we can change them as frequently as our initiative to "take a fresh look at things" occurs to us.   For instance, we can view the world (and ourselves, our personal lives) thru a lens of "victimhood". Imagine this quite figuratively, that we wear a pair of glasses (lenses) that program our minds to believe that we are a victim in this world. Someone could experience some hardship in their lives that adjusted their self-opinion to believe the narrative of victimhood and begin to live underneath the power of that programming. I know I've done this at various times in my life. It takes an experience of enlightenment, viewin...

 Sitting in the Danville Library right now, enjoying the quiet of this place and absorbing the energy of so many volumes of mental concepts and ideations that other humans have channeled into storytelling and research projects. I always feel accompanied by The Greats when I get to visit here to write... I'm still no nearer to feeling focused enough on one idea for a writing project to sit down and say, "This is it! This is the story I will commit to paper..." although last night the thought passed through my mind that for my son's sake of understanding who I am and why my life has been as haphazard as it is all these decades that he's witnessed me flounder, it would benefit him to hear my perspective on why my life has been as messed up as it is. Kinda sadly there's no simple answer like, "Oh dad was a drug addict/alcoholic..." and there's a simple way to wrap up all the explanations of why he never accomplished anything. No, it's more like, ...

 So I was listening to Lorie Ladd's Patreon live stream yesterday evening and was made uncomfortable by the stories that two of her patrons shared. These were two different women who had successful lives and successful careers but were unhappy because they were not making as much money as they believed they deserved to make. They were hoping to get even better at doing things that, by my standards, are pretty darn good to start with. In comparison to the career success I've achieved in 63 years of life, these women (in their 30s-40s) have already achieved a status that I know I'll never amount to.  This ruffled my ego's feathers pretty strongly. On top of these ladies not being happy with all that they already have, they had to flaunt it all in public using up Lorie's time and energy that could have been perhaps better used assisting low-life types like myself. I had at one point thought that perhaps I'll "raise my hand" and volunteer for Lorie to coun...

 Somewhere in buried pages of this blog are some entries where I talk about the depth of experiences I have had in developing my friendship with Scarlett. She is the "twin-flame" that I alluded to in my last entry. (Well, i just searched thru the blog to see if I could pull up an entry where I spoke about the soul-mate understandings I have about Scarlett, but couldn't find "it"... I thought there was an entry where I talked about how Rhett Butler awoke the deepest feelings of kinship with her, where I felt so completely united with her... I may look further...) The title of this blog, THIS RHETT BUTLER WILL NEVER DIE, is the basis of these deep feelings of soul union that I have with her. While reading Gone With The Wind, which is her favorite book, a book which I never would have picked up on my own... I was amazed by the character of Rhett Butler, and how his devotion to Scarlett O'Hara was a flawless reflection of how perfectly my soul fit into the puzzl...

 Not terribly focused or inspired while sitting here scrapping my innards for thoughts to share with you... Nothing is wrong, I'm just a little "fried" from all the hype we just passed thru regarding this major eclipse that occurred on Sunday... and by "fried by hype" I mean that I invested a lot of mental and emotional energy into expecting that the eclipse would "rock my world"... not saying that it didn't, but I'm not greatly overwhelmed by how different I feel now compared to how I felt before it happened. What did I expect to happen? Well, I was a bit hopeful of miraculous type things happening... Like having my psychic abilities honed a little more sharper... not saying that they aren't but the one practical (and selfish) device I use them with is trying to predict winning lotto numbers, I ain't no better at this than I've ever been... but this is just today...  One thing I do feel grateful for is how at peace my soul feels no...

 I told you a few posts back that I took Lorie Ladd's ASTRAL TRAVEL course, didn't I? I think I did. I hope I did. I'm astral traveling several times a day now. I think I've done it already 4 times today. I probably should keep a very detailed journal of these experiences, but I can't slip into a strong enough mental focus yet to do it as well as I could. I'm going to detail a few of the experiences here. I like writing them out here because of the few regular readers I have, they would not hear about this if I were to privately journal them. These aren't really experiences that will benefit non-practitioners... they may seem interesting, but I dunno. If nobody says they want to hear more after this post, I will probably shift to privately journaling them. So going in reverse order from the latest experience I had today, well, let me begin with the guided meditation that Lorie led today. This was not an astral traveling experience. Lorie led us all, in visua...

 Today is the first day of the current Mercury Retrograde, and I must say, the turmoil attributed to this holiday has lost its sting in my life. Whatever the universe wants to toss into my court, I'm ready for it. Although, true to MercRetro's characteristics I was awoken by 3 different people trying to baffle me with confusing communications... haha, so classic, but I just breathed my way thru it all and rode that bronco like a champ. On my walk here to Starbucks, I listened to Lorie Ladd's weekly communication where she's revealing more personal stories about her life. The first thing she's talking about is the loneliness that she's experiencing. I feel her struggle, but I no longer suffer from that. Loneliness, that demonic creature used to torment me terribly. I spent decades in the throes of wrestling with it and it sucked so much inherent joy from my life. I never thought that struggle would end. But it did. Lorie's struggle is almost laughable to me b...

 My marriage ended irreparably in 1989. Part of the reason I think that I got married (to this woman) at all, was for the sake of bearing the brilliant son that we parented. And even though he was raised in a broken home, he turned out to be a spectacular and magnificent man. There were so many reasons why our marriage broke, faulty communication being primary and finances being the other. That intro is the launching off point for what I'll talk about next.  In 1990 I had pretty much what was considered a "rebound fling"... Fresh on the streets and looking for action I met a woman at a holotropic breathwork group in Berkeley. She invited me home where I met her roommate, both of which were in massage school (the aforementioned National Holistic Institute) in Emeryville. They convinced me to join the school, invited me to live in their house, I ended up sleeping with this lady and felt like the proper thing to do was suggest we get married. But we didn't... I kinda car...