THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

at a cross roads now with this decision i need to make about the seroquel. if you read (or saw) the article i posted earlier about antipsychotic medications causing brain damage, you can fully appreciate my decision to not want to use seroquel anymore. you may also appreciate my standing that it is something i never wanted to go back on in the first place. i NEVER liked that drug. in just three days of taking it i have felt a slight recession back into a quiet, dark and hidden place inside my psyche. i'm feeling a little less gregarious than i have been of late, but i'd even say it borders a little on feeling on the fringe of depressed; body has less energy, spirit is looking inward rather than outward. not feeling sad, just have less spark now. what has happened though is that i am sleeping longer than 4 hours at a time AND i am dreaming . you know, dear reader, how i love my dream time. i'm waking up from dreaming now and feeling an instant desire to sit down and write my...

i'm not afraid, that is not why i agreed to do what she asked yesterday. she has been harping on me for months now to take just one pill. one pill to satisfy her worries. one pill to put a hook into me is what it seems like to me. she asked me yesterday if i were "hiding information" from her. about my condition. whether i was having "swings". i said, "no, i am not lying to you. i am fine. i just don't dream anymore." i started taking Tylenol Night Time tablets about two months ago because i was going so long on just 4 hours of sleep a night. and it wasn't because i was tired, or working too many hours to not be able to get enough sleep. 4 hours felt like enough sleep. i knew that was a bad sign though. yeah, i started taking the TNT several months after not having any Ambien in my system at all. just out of hunger for a dream. last time i saw her though i also told her i was having trouble concentrating. that WAS a lie. i can concentrate as we...