i spin my wheels so much...

i really need to figure out a way to get my shebang together. i float so mindlessly through my days, waiting for an hour where i am free to get as focused on doing something, my writing, my photography... and there are so many distractions and excuses... that i allow to slip in. at home, the only place i can do my photo editing i am distracted by the energy of the other people. i do not know how to settle that down. i guess it will have to come to keeping my door shut and keeping music playing loudly so that i will not hear the sounds of the other people moving in the house. that is what i think i need. to forget that the other people are there and feel that i am alone. if they need me for something they will have to really disturb my concentration. it is the ghost-y sounds of footsteps and whispers in the distance that distract me from getting into super-concentration modes.

i also need to figure out some other rituals to help me become focused.  if i could do three things in the morning. have puja to shiva. eat sour cereal. go for a walk, then even if i go back to bed for an hour or two, it will give me a foundation of centered-ness to believe that my energy flow for the day has been established.

(i wrote this awhile ago, don't remember how long ago, and saved it as a draft as i must have meant to come back to it to add more thoughts... but i didn't. not until today. until now. it must be two weeks or so since i barely even recognize these sentences. so i'm just going to post it now, as is.)