changes...same...
i don't normally do this, write an entry at my desktop, but while thoughts are flowing i better get this stuff out. i went to see my general practitioner (physician) last wednesday because i was concerned that i had an infection of some sort (after the flu/food poisoning that i suffered the previous weekend). he determined that the dry cough i had been suffering from for the past 6 weeks was caused by an increase in the dosage of Lisinopril that he prescribed after the episodes of my blood pressure elevating last month. during this visit he inquired as to progress i was making in finding a new psychiatrist. i told him that the doctors he had referred me to were not accepting new patients with my insurance configuration. then, he delivered a bombshell. if i did not find a new psychiatrist, soon, he would drop me as a patient. he has been my doctor since 1998 and refuses to take responsibility for me because i suffer from a mental illness.
well, i called the county health department the next day and was immediately given an appointment to see a county p-doc. this will suit my physician, but i have no hope that this doctor will be any better than my previous p-doc was. i will stand my ground that i don't want to use medications.
but all is not well. i am becoming a little more aware of a dry, base level depression building inside of me, again. i am still not over the fiasco disappointments from what happened at college this year. i am still not ready to write about it yet either. when i saw my therapist last week she noted that i experience a lot of disappointment in my life. i said, "sure, who doesn't?" but what is disappointment anyway? i remember hearing years ago a thought that "anger" stemmed from unfulfilled desires. i don't let anger have power in me. i argue against it being a real thing.
there are so many things that happen in my life, that have happened in my life that no one knows about. are they secrets? sure. are they crimes? no. no one knows about them because there is no one that has my trust to let me tell these things to. i could write freaking amazing true stories and label them as fiction because no one but i know they are true.
well, i called the county health department the next day and was immediately given an appointment to see a county p-doc. this will suit my physician, but i have no hope that this doctor will be any better than my previous p-doc was. i will stand my ground that i don't want to use medications.
but all is not well. i am becoming a little more aware of a dry, base level depression building inside of me, again. i am still not over the fiasco disappointments from what happened at college this year. i am still not ready to write about it yet either. when i saw my therapist last week she noted that i experience a lot of disappointment in my life. i said, "sure, who doesn't?" but what is disappointment anyway? i remember hearing years ago a thought that "anger" stemmed from unfulfilled desires. i don't let anger have power in me. i argue against it being a real thing.
there are so many things that happen in my life, that have happened in my life that no one knows about. are they secrets? sure. are they crimes? no. no one knows about them because there is no one that has my trust to let me tell these things to. i could write freaking amazing true stories and label them as fiction because no one but i know they are true.
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