drugged dreams...
at a cross roads now with this decision i need to make about the seroquel. if you read (or saw) the article i posted earlier about antipsychotic medications causing brain damage, you can fully appreciate my decision to not want to use seroquel anymore. you may also appreciate my standing that it is something i never wanted to go back on in the first place. i NEVER liked that drug. in just three days of taking it i have felt a slight recession back into a quiet, dark and hidden place inside my psyche. i'm feeling a little less gregarious than i have been of late, but i'd even say it borders a little on feeling on the fringe of depressed; body has less energy, spirit is looking inward rather than outward. not feeling sad, just have less spark now.
what has happened though is that i am sleeping longer than 4 hours at a time AND i am dreaming. you know, dear reader, how i love my dream time. i'm waking up from dreaming now and feeling an instant desire to sit down and write my dreams out. a good thing because i find that recording dreams is a tremendous exercise for writing in detail. the only thing that is bad about this right now is the dreams i'm having are not very deeply connected to exciting places in my psyche. they are just skirting the edges of the places that lead into my deep perplexities. telling you about the dreams i am having now might seem silly.
for instance, i had a dream one day last week in which three stages occurred; in one i met a man and his dreadlocked children. in another scene, which i mentioned here, there was a foxy librarian that i felt attracted to. there was a third scene that i did not mention though. i was at my friend Nancy's house in Danville where she had a totem pole adorned with fox heads. for some reason in the dream, i felt inspired to light it on fire. came out of the dream before i got a chance to though.
ooh, and speaking of rambling AND librarians, i was in the San Ramon library this afternoon. i am not sure where or when i developed this fascination (fantasy love) with female librarians, but today there were two amazing ladies working. and see, this is where it becomes even more dream-like in real life. librarians are not typically gorgeous in normal terms. it is a combination of their being book smart and obsessed with books that creates this charm, or appeal for me. the idea of a woman that handles books all day coming home to me, hot and needy at the end of the day is so enticing. and furthermore, the idea of making love to a librarian in a bed scattered with a collection of books spread all over it is really amazing. to have a variety of different books that she would bring home each night, to reach out and open the pages of a book (either of us) and start reading aloud during coitus... wow!
well, there is this one librarian that i know to see that sorta fascinates me. she has to be my age at least, by the appearance of her face, she is probably older, but she has this petite, built body. and she looks like a potentially amazing lover. i'm actually attracted to women of all ages. the youth thing is just one corner of my perturbed mind. to have a woman in her 30's or 40's or 50's (and maybe a dynamically attractive woman in her 60's) are all possible lovers, sure!
ahhh, seroquel. maybe i'll let you damage my brain a little longer if you are going to help me elucidate my thoughts like this!
what has happened though is that i am sleeping longer than 4 hours at a time AND i am dreaming. you know, dear reader, how i love my dream time. i'm waking up from dreaming now and feeling an instant desire to sit down and write my dreams out. a good thing because i find that recording dreams is a tremendous exercise for writing in detail. the only thing that is bad about this right now is the dreams i'm having are not very deeply connected to exciting places in my psyche. they are just skirting the edges of the places that lead into my deep perplexities. telling you about the dreams i am having now might seem silly.
for instance, i had a dream one day last week in which three stages occurred; in one i met a man and his dreadlocked children. in another scene, which i mentioned here, there was a foxy librarian that i felt attracted to. there was a third scene that i did not mention though. i was at my friend Nancy's house in Danville where she had a totem pole adorned with fox heads. for some reason in the dream, i felt inspired to light it on fire. came out of the dream before i got a chance to though.
ooh, and speaking of rambling AND librarians, i was in the San Ramon library this afternoon. i am not sure where or when i developed this fascination (fantasy love) with female librarians, but today there were two amazing ladies working. and see, this is where it becomes even more dream-like in real life. librarians are not typically gorgeous in normal terms. it is a combination of their being book smart and obsessed with books that creates this charm, or appeal for me. the idea of a woman that handles books all day coming home to me, hot and needy at the end of the day is so enticing. and furthermore, the idea of making love to a librarian in a bed scattered with a collection of books spread all over it is really amazing. to have a variety of different books that she would bring home each night, to reach out and open the pages of a book (either of us) and start reading aloud during coitus... wow!
well, there is this one librarian that i know to see that sorta fascinates me. she has to be my age at least, by the appearance of her face, she is probably older, but she has this petite, built body. and she looks like a potentially amazing lover. i'm actually attracted to women of all ages. the youth thing is just one corner of my perturbed mind. to have a woman in her 30's or 40's or 50's (and maybe a dynamically attractive woman in her 60's) are all possible lovers, sure!
ahhh, seroquel. maybe i'll let you damage my brain a little longer if you are going to help me elucidate my thoughts like this!
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