crossroads, horizons, antithetical nonsense…

i’m here again. wanting to be a writer. wanting to be THE writer i’ve always been meant to be. feeling the urge. feeling the push. feeling the birth. pulling all the old ideas together into a mass of tissue that wants to breath and walk amongst others that can see what i mean. a coalescence, a formation, a tantamount expression of all the mysteries that i’ve whined about during this lifetime, this deathtime, this passage into the other.

so i’ve recently, accidentally, though that’s not possibly true, made a connection with someone that i genuinely consider to be one of my favorite writers of all time. a beautiful woman, just a little younger than i am that specializes in writing young adult fiction. and i’ve earned a bit of an audience from her; by that, i mean that i’ve spoken out to her and she has responded to me. she has a busy life full of people; i’m not saying i think there is anyway that i’ll become a member of her clan, but i foresee the possibility of getting to meet her in person and doing some work with her. in simplest language, she has announced a workshop & celebration on a Saturday in August and i told her that i was interested in attending. i have also asked her if she would be interested in modeling for me as a “Cemetery Girl”. she said she “would love to”. so maybe if i can make my way to Hollywood for that weekend i could interact with some magick.

see, i’ve already made a connection with a different writer who i consider to be a living favorite; Clive Barker and i received his blessing a number of years ago. and just today, this writer, her name is Francesca Lia Block, wrote back to me and told me she is sending me her “writing blessings and magick”. i don’ take that kind of talk lightly. this is like a living, breathing talisman to me. i don’t need the attention of someone to be able to do this writing. i just need an entranceway into their consciousness to be able to tap into their greatness. no hand holding, no dancing around saying, “ooh, look at me!”. i think these are things i learned from the years of the guru. to be able know the power is there, and that the power is nothing different than what i already have, or am. but existing in this physical realm there are the laws and requirements of social acknowledgement and interaction that must be entertained to even just a slight degree. i can live my life on my own. i just need to have a feeling that my reflection is entirely unseen.

so will i stop doing photography? maybe. the CG project has been losing energy for awhile. at least the ferocity of it’s rampage last year has diminished. i still have models that i plan on working with; about eight between now and the end of September. but it would be very good for the writing project if i could redirect all of that ferocious rampage into conviction about and dedication to writing this novel. I first came up with the idea for this novel a little over 4 years ago. Not THAT long for an idea to gestate, but quite awhile for a novel to not be written in. i don’t think it will take me four more years to write this. i hope it won’t.

 Francesca, writing faerie