5 years, 5 months, 1 day...

i've been reading about the year 2012. the date the culmination of the Mayan calendar will occur is December 21, 2012 - 5 years, 5 months, and 1 day from today. a lot of people have been saying a lot of things about what this means for a long time. apocalypse is one term that recurrs in their descriptions. death and birth is another concept tossed about. not that life on earth will entirely end but that maybe there will be a lot of death, there will be spiritual death, things are going to change on large scales, politically, ecologically, socially... and these changes are supposed to accelerate as we get closer to this date. i think it is something worth taking into personal consideration. well, the events of every day are worth taking into consideration aren't they?

there is another, more immediate countdown i'm facing; 17 days till my next appointment with a psychiatrist. i am debating whether i will consider going back on meds. first impression with this new pdoc will strongly influence my decision. i have one last bit of logical reasoning inside my head that believes with a good relationship with a good psychiatrist, some good could happen from taking meds. without such trust, i won't go this route alone. i will not start meds and will have to find my way to health and success through natural means.

i've said it here in this blog before. i screw things up. i'll screw them up if i'm on meds or if i'm not. i don't know what to think is going to happen. i'd rather be able to go to bed at night and sleep naturally at the end of a day and have a chance to dream. even now with just taking 5 miligrams of ambien a night i am unable to dream. so starting tonight, no more ambien. if i lie in bed till 8 am staring at the ceiling, so be it!

ok, now for news! i got a call from a publicist in Baltimore yesterday. he wanted to put two of my photographs in the Baltimore Sun! they are band photos i shot at the DirkFest of The White Trash Debutantes, who are going to be performing back there next weekend. now get this... , the leader of the band had two other photographs that a photographer from Rolling Stone had taken of them that she wanted the paper to use. The publicist chose my photographs over the RS photos! when i have a link i will share it.

along the vein of stopping meds, i stopped taking one of my blood pressure meds when they ran out about two weeks ago. since then my legs have been troubling me badly, and only yesterday did i acknowledge that my ankles were swollen up. i developed this symptom several years ago when they first decided to put me on this med and the swelling went away. so, long story short - i had tickets to see two very important bands this week and ended up selling my tickets because the pain in my feet, ankles and legs was so bad and i knew that i would not be able to stand for 4-5+ hours each of these two nights. a real pity to not have gotten to see these shows (Polyphonic Spree & The Melvins)... but what could i do? anyway, i went to the pharmacy tonight and got this med refilled. hopefully within a few days the swelling will go down and i'll start to feel better. no new shows are planned, although tomorrow Jon Anderson (YES) will be accompanying all the young stars at the Rock School tribute at the Great American Music Hall. i wanted to go to this show but spent all my ticket money on the other shows and tried to get free admission, but never heard back from the promoter. i would have loved to have seen Jon Anderson, one of my oldest favorite/influential performers... alas.

i like this idea of having a Donnie Darko-esque countdown to live by. 47,544 hours left till the world ends. might help me start to feel a little more serious about taking care of myself, writing my novel, taking chances...

aha! there was one more thing. remember last week i said that i had responded to three women's letters on craigslist and no one answered? well, somebody did! we've written several emails to each other and she is coming to San Francisco for a weeks vacation. she wrote me this morning and asked if i was interested in meeting her. i said "yeah"!
her name is Heather. and she is a writer.

Powered by ScribeFire.