self worth triggers...

 So I was listening to Lorie Ladd's Patreon live stream yesterday evening and was made uncomfortable by the stories that two of her patrons shared. These were two different women who had successful lives and successful careers but were unhappy because they were not making as much money as they believed they deserved to make. They were hoping to get even better at doing things that, by my standards, are pretty darn good to start with. In comparison to the career success I've achieved in 63 years of life, these women (in their 30s-40s) have already achieved a status that I know I'll never amount to. 

This ruffled my ego's feathers pretty strongly. On top of these ladies not being happy with all that they already have, they had to flaunt it all in public using up Lorie's time and energy that could have been perhaps better used assisting low-life types like myself. I had at one point thought that perhaps I'll "raise my hand" and volunteer for Lorie to counsel me yesterday, but at the time I couldn't think of anything that was bothering me in my life that I needed her assistance with. 

So what did I get from this experience? I realized that everyone is different. I realized that I was happy with my lower status career life and abundance manifesting woes until I began comparing myself to someone else. In the end, this doesn't mean that I'm better, or even very good. I just have a crippled sense of self-worth that I limp along on broken leg bones that were never set properly and healed into gnarly limbs that shorten my stature and disable my ability to ever believe that I can ascend to true greatness. 

I'm still trying to dive deeper into this morass of emotions that got stirred up. The other thing that happened, which amazes me more and more about Lorie's abilities as a channel and healer is that she met these women, face to face, with no judgment, and worked with them at the point of their dissatisfaction to help them climb to higher states of awareness. This helped me understand that even myself, with a comparatively damaged self-opinion, no matter how out of whack my ideas are in view of the truth, I can resituate my perspective and heal myself. Does that make sense? 

Do I need Lorie's assistance? In a personal session with her? Perhaps not. This is what is so great about listening to her counsel others in these mini-sessions she does. No one I've ever watched her work with has NOT triggered me... This is such a gift she has, heal one person, heal all that watch on while she works. I probably should listen to the sessions from yesterday again and make some notes about what really hit me in my gut, and then have some conversations in meditation with my own spirit guides to see what can be done to up my game!! Yay!!