thinking out loud...

ugh, i came to a cafe tonight that i used to spend a lot of time at writing, over  the past couple of years. i completed nanowrimo here, once or twice. but i'm not enjoying being here tonight. its extremely noisy and very bright. even with headphones on i cannot drown out the ruckus in here from people talking and the music system blaring. i only came here because it's a closer walk from home than the 3 miles it is to my cafe of choice. seeing that it gets dark so early now i don't look forward to walking all that distance in total darkness. a few weeks ago i'd get home at 9pm and it would still be light out. i need my exercise and don't want to give that up to start driving to the cafe. i had a half thought the other day about switching my writing habits to mornings, but i doubt very much i'll be able to pull that off. morning cafe people are extremely noisy too.

• i wanted to talk a bit about my new idea for nanowrimo, which starts on Saturday! i could actually get a lot of writing done before we even leave for L.A., except that i do not want to be up late on Friday night. So, if I begin the next stage of the BIG story and begin letting Lianna talk, it's going to take a big shift in my mental positioning to learn how to talk about her life, and her world, and the things she believes in and does. I've given so little insight into who or what she is, other than what the previous two characters have led us to believe about her. She's a very complex character and the parts of the story that she has to share are going to be difficult for me to explore and create. Just because I feel that I am not so good at writing about the types of detail that will need to be. Somehow i feel like I'm going to be able to do it though. the other reason why this is a good time to explore this other character is because my cousin is still alive and she's the main material inspiration for this character. i can draw on her spirit while creating the character and her world. she's going to end up being different than just who/what my cousin is/was, but it's a foundation..

I don't know what else i want to talk about right now. my connection with a magical partner, my search i guess i should say, it's amounting to nothing. i'm just going to continue on with my own personal studies. i'm not going to use magic other than the radiance of my own soul to try to find or draw anyone to me. i'll do it the way i always do it, by just letting it happen. i think the trip to L.A. is just another means of escaping my unfortunate reality. i don't think it's going to lead to anything new happening in my life other than being a really great day of cemetery exploration. i have no new hopes of doing anything new or different with my photography.