i promise you, i am through with the love of this world…

bunch of things buzzing my spirit this week. been home 5 days from L.A. now but i still feel under the influence of it’s infection upon my soul. i have been stirred and do not see things in the same way anymore.

i have to ramble a bit here until i hit on something solid, so bear with me. something new came upon me while visiting graves in Los Angeles. an urge to sit still, listen and feel the energy of the love (or lack of love) in the air. what has been generated by those that come to visit (or do not come to visit) a cemetery. Hollywood Forever Cemetery had one of the most tangible sensations of “love/respect” energy in the air that I’ve ever felt before. when i returned to the cemetery on three separate solo visits i was overwhelmed and forced to stop what i was doing (investigating, photographing, trying to take it all in) and just sit down to feel the waves of consciousness wash over me. there is energy of the living and the dead in this place. later, this prompted me have an entirely different experience and sensation when i visited Rita Hayworth’s grave in Culver City. she felt alone there. forgotten. showcased. my urging? when you next visit a cemetery my friends, find a place in the shade and sit down. put your camera away. and just let the breeze make your mind wander…

last night i felt a last minute urging to attend a small music performance in San Francisco. two bands were performing that i’ve been associated with for a number of years. i didn’t realize until last night how much they respect and love me. my former reticence about going to see them perform over the past couple of years was strictly due to my physical condition and the fact that i had stopped going to concerts altogether. their surprise at seeing me show up last night made me think that they thought i didn’t think they were “big enough” for me to bother coming to see (because i used to do music journalism for a music zine for big named bands). terrible thing to think!! i had first seen Grayceon in 2007 on the other side of town and their concert was one of the very first that i had ever taken live photos at, so really, they were strongly responsible for getting me into the music journalism biz in the first place. i didn’t take my camera bag last night because i knew the place had pretty dismal lighting, but i did take my video camera and shot all the footage my battery allowed me to. it’s all up on my youtube page now.

now here is something that i thought was an interesting interplay about my decision to go to the show last night. i wrote on my facebook status that i wished i had had a “date” to go to the show with. that it could turn out to be depressing to go alone, and well, i didn’t want to get depressed. i thought about asking Retta to go but surely thought that it would not be her cuppa tea, nor that she’d be available last minute like that on a Saturday night. by the time i got into the city i also thought about asking Rita to go but the last show i took her to, Coheed & Cambria, i think kinda blew her mind in a not so good way. no, i needed a young date to go to this show with. then i remembered the PERFECT person to go to this show with; Rachel. she and i don’t talk or hang out anymore but i thought what the hell, send her a text. “Meet me at Cormorant show tonight. 10pm. Hemlock Tavern. 1131 Polk Street”. she replied, “I get off work at 8pm. maybe i’ll meet you there!” well, that was enough of a spark of hope to get my ass in gear and i put my video camera in my pocket and hit the road.

inside the “Tavern” i’m immediately recognized by all members of both bands. how the hell can that not make you feel like you are loved. long story short, Rachel texted around 9:45 that she was not coming. i replied that i knew she wasn’t. didn’t matter. i felt no connection to any strangers that night. just to the music and the creators. more thoughts though about having younger women to hang out with… on my facebook chatter before i decided to go to the show, one of my Cemetery Girl models, who know lives in England told me that if she were here she would go to the show with me, and that later in the year, when she is coming home for a visit that we should make some plans to go out then. this sweet lass is only 19 years old. here is the thing to me. i am an unconventional man. i feel that i can spend time, an evening with a young woman the age of a daughter and have an innocent and fun time with no crime or ill intent. and that someone else feels that they could have a safe, and fun time with me makes me feel both respect and appreciation.

end of part one.