i am done with the love of this world, continued…

there was a movie that came out 4 years or so ago called “13 Going on 30”. it’s a fantasy romance chick flic about a teenage girl that can’t wait to grow up and be famous, living her life, being the woman she dreams of being without having to go through any more of the torture of being an adolescent girl. the bulk of the movie is a dream sequence where she does actually become this 30 year old woman who realizes that in the process of getting to where she wanted to be, famous, she lost the most important and valuable aspects of her life; the friendship of her soul mate that was her best friend growing up. the boy next door. luckily for her, in her dream, she realizes this and gets a second chance to repair her friendship with this boy so that she will not make the mistake of losing him.

i love this movie for a lot of reasons. the stupid reason i love it is because Jennifer Garner is both ultra-sexy and innocent girl all combined at once. mind blowing performance, really. but the thing i love the most about this movie is the performance of Mark Ruffalo as the 30 year old, forgotten boy-next-door whose dream of a life with Jennifer had died when she dumped him but then she starts to remember how special what they had was and she resurrects his memories of what they had so that he can fall in love with her again. She is this 30 year old woman, but the teenage girl is still who is in charge inside of her head and heart. And she sees her old soul mate who has become a 30 year old man in body, mind and soul whose heart was broken and is dead and has decided to settle for the things that are not his dreams… and she reawakens him.  oh shit, i’m sitting here in Peet’s and i’m starting to cry while i’m writing this. ok, that’s all i have to say about that.

and now i’m starting to watch another drama that freaking shakes me up too. it’s a  t.v. show called Joan of Arcadia. it came out a couple of years ago and only ran for two seasons. it was a brilliantly written series about a teenage girl that starts to have experiences of meeting and talking to GOD. the premise is a play on words, Joan of Arcadia, Joan of Arc. i’m not sure why this material speaks so strongly to me. i am not a teenager anymore. i don’t even know any teenagers, but there is something that these stories about that time in my life that strike such intense emotions of memory for me. it’s like when you are in high school you have the opportunity to really forge your personality. are you going to be a follower or a leader? are you going to hide in fear or will you find a strength and use that power to stand up and claim your place in the world?

Joan gets visited by a physical representation of God in this story. Literally. In the first episode a young man, close to her own age, walks up to her and begins a conversation. Then he tells her, in a convincing manner, that he is God. She is mixed with confusion, fear and a really strong sense of wanting to believe him. She NEEDS to have an experience with a supernatural being. we ALL do. thus, the sense of identity with her character. this triggers really strong memories for me of when i was in high school because i felt that i had met God when i was that age. i had a run in with a supernatural being in the deserts of Utah. a born-again experience where i was flooded with this power that seemed to come from heaven and made me feel like i had become a new person.

so i’m going to watch this entire series, all over again. i need  the heart medication of the love and pain that this girl goes through in her daily interactions of following the guidance of God in her life. whatever you call god, the power, the spirit, the guidance in your own life, find whatever you can to help you reignite it’s power to make you feel your love and your pain. and write my friends, let your thoughts and your words work out your issues of your heart and your mind and your body. you’ll feel better.

as for being “done with the love of this world”? by that i mean that daily i more and more lose hope in the idea that love can be found anywhere but within one’s own self. to look for love in other places (or people) is a waste of time and energy.