a hermit struggling to be part of a crowd...
I went out tonight to one of the two, monthly free Reiki clinics at HCH in Lafayette. It's my third time to attend there for the night time clinic. Tonight one of the Reiki masters that gave me my attunement was leading the clinic. She made me feel really welcome and even invited me to work with the practitioners giving Reiki to people who came for healing. I chose to wait to see how I felt after I received Reiki.
I've been really consistent with giving myself daily self-healing sessions of Reiki. I don't think I've ever missed more than one day of self-treatment in the entire time since I was attuned back on August 13th. But there is something noticeably different about healing yourself and receiving Reiki from another person. At least I have noticed this from my own personal experiences. Sometimes the Reiki you receive from another person is very, very powerful. And sometimes it's not. (At least what you are consciously aware of feeling.) The last time I received Reiki at the clinic at HCH was the most powerful experience I've had with this healing force. I was hoping to be able to see that same person at the clinic tonight, but she wasn't there. Part of my interest in her was because I took classes with her before at Intuitive Way where we learned how to do aura healings. She gave me an impression from the Reiki healing that she gave me that the purity of the vehicle that the Reiki energy passes through can amplify the effect of the Reiki upon its recipient. This is partly why I felt nervous about giving Reiki to other people tonight. And it may end up being a jinx that I whammy myself with, self-judging that I may never be pure enough of a vessel to heal others.
The thing I wanted to mainly talk about in this blog entry was my feelings of inability to relax around and attempt to converse with any of the other people that attended. I want to blame it on being shy, which has been an issue, or an excuse all my life. But it has a less authentic basis in fear any more than it used to have. Shyness is an issue of youthfulness. So really, I think it's more based in my fear of being known. I can handle short encounters with strangers. But being someplace where there is the chance of meeting someone new in a place that fosters love and growth and healing, where other people are ready to meet new people that could become a healing force in their lives, well, this is big business. And I'm sure I'm as much of a player and contender in this game as anyone else could be. On top of that, there were some women there that I even found to be attractive. If I hung out there longer than necessary something could have happened like what happened when I met the woman I married in Ireland way back in 1980. I'm not saying I'm against something like that happening. I just feel like I don't want to be shocked by it happening too suddenly. If it had happened tonight, if the beginning movements of it had happened tonight, I would not have been ready for it. Hahahaha, but oh jeez, what if even this is it, the beginning of it... that this is a premonition of it coming up soon, that I'm already sensing it. In that case, I feel ok about it because I am being given time and space to start to prepare my heart with the idea of possibly meeting someone there, sometime in the distant, soon. Gosh, I'm so glad that I wrote out these thoughts! I would never have come to this conclusion just having idle thoughts bouncing thru my mind.
So back to the Reiki I received tonight. The woman that gave it to me had an interesting sense of familiarity to me. My first thought when I see people at HCH that feel familiar is to wonder if I might have known them at Gurumayi's ashram back in the 90s. Whether she was or not, I could tell from her energy that she was a healer, possibly a bodyworker. She had confidence which I really felt when she placed her hands on me. Oh, and when she asked me what my desire of intent was for my healing, I told her "surrender", her eyes lit up - I couldn't hear her response but the look in her eyes made me feel like she might have remembered what a strong vibe that was with Gurumayi's teachings. She placed her hands boldly upon me, which I enjoy. I don't like light placement, I attest this to my own body working days. The 15 minutes sped by extremely quickly. The last session the 15 minutes felt like 45 minutes. Very strange! After she finished my third eye chakra I started to feel the presence of my Great Great Grandmother Audrey. She's been around my aura a lot since my trip to Ohio in early September. When I was back there, she showed up with her mother, her daughter, and my mother - all in spirit now, when I went driving across the countryside in search of gravesites of my father's family members. They appeared in the back seat of the car that I was driving, like I imagined they did back when they were alive - going out for Sunday drives in the country. They all looked happy and excited to be back in a car reliving old memories and enjoying the comfort of a modern car. But the important thing was that they came to be with me. Audrey sat behind me, Nanny was next to her, Thelma and my mom filled in the rest of the row. They looked the ages they did when my mom was a young girl of 10 yrs of age.
But tonight when I sensed Audrey's presence she was alone and she felt STRONG. Like an ascended master strong. I had read a couple of years ago about how it's important to find a female descendant in your lineage that lived a very, very long time ago to communicate with. That the older she was, the more powerful she would be. When I first read that advice I traced back as far as I could down to the roots of my family tree using online ancestral software and found this woman named Feninsa Farsa, who was born around 2500 BC and was married to the King of Scythia. She was like my 99th great grandmother or something, haha. But she felt a little bit too far away to reach my voice to when I tried to communicate (pray) with her. I had better success praying to Shiva and feeling response energy occurring. So I will go back into the tree and look for another old woman relative not quite so ancient to set up as my Wise Woman, but now I'm also going to start to work with Audrey really closely. In the Reiki trance this evening I felt that she was letting me know that my mom is well, that she is happy and safe, but that she's got a lot of work she's doing where she's at right now and that she is thinking about me a lot, but that she's just a bit overwhelmed with her new world and her new life and her new body and that's why she feels a little bit distant to me. Audrey said that she's been watching out for me for a really long time now anyway, it's about time that I open up my ears and eyes and interact with her consciously instead of just being a recipient of her blessings. So yeah, that was a really great blessing from this healing tonight.
Okay, that's all I've got to say for now :)
I've been really consistent with giving myself daily self-healing sessions of Reiki. I don't think I've ever missed more than one day of self-treatment in the entire time since I was attuned back on August 13th. But there is something noticeably different about healing yourself and receiving Reiki from another person. At least I have noticed this from my own personal experiences. Sometimes the Reiki you receive from another person is very, very powerful. And sometimes it's not. (At least what you are consciously aware of feeling.) The last time I received Reiki at the clinic at HCH was the most powerful experience I've had with this healing force. I was hoping to be able to see that same person at the clinic tonight, but she wasn't there. Part of my interest in her was because I took classes with her before at Intuitive Way where we learned how to do aura healings. She gave me an impression from the Reiki healing that she gave me that the purity of the vehicle that the Reiki energy passes through can amplify the effect of the Reiki upon its recipient. This is partly why I felt nervous about giving Reiki to other people tonight. And it may end up being a jinx that I whammy myself with, self-judging that I may never be pure enough of a vessel to heal others.
The thing I wanted to mainly talk about in this blog entry was my feelings of inability to relax around and attempt to converse with any of the other people that attended. I want to blame it on being shy, which has been an issue, or an excuse all my life. But it has a less authentic basis in fear any more than it used to have. Shyness is an issue of youthfulness. So really, I think it's more based in my fear of being known. I can handle short encounters with strangers. But being someplace where there is the chance of meeting someone new in a place that fosters love and growth and healing, where other people are ready to meet new people that could become a healing force in their lives, well, this is big business. And I'm sure I'm as much of a player and contender in this game as anyone else could be. On top of that, there were some women there that I even found to be attractive. If I hung out there longer than necessary something could have happened like what happened when I met the woman I married in Ireland way back in 1980. I'm not saying I'm against something like that happening. I just feel like I don't want to be shocked by it happening too suddenly. If it had happened tonight, if the beginning movements of it had happened tonight, I would not have been ready for it. Hahahaha, but oh jeez, what if even this is it, the beginning of it... that this is a premonition of it coming up soon, that I'm already sensing it. In that case, I feel ok about it because I am being given time and space to start to prepare my heart with the idea of possibly meeting someone there, sometime in the distant, soon. Gosh, I'm so glad that I wrote out these thoughts! I would never have come to this conclusion just having idle thoughts bouncing thru my mind.
So back to the Reiki I received tonight. The woman that gave it to me had an interesting sense of familiarity to me. My first thought when I see people at HCH that feel familiar is to wonder if I might have known them at Gurumayi's ashram back in the 90s. Whether she was or not, I could tell from her energy that she was a healer, possibly a bodyworker. She had confidence which I really felt when she placed her hands on me. Oh, and when she asked me what my desire of intent was for my healing, I told her "surrender", her eyes lit up - I couldn't hear her response but the look in her eyes made me feel like she might have remembered what a strong vibe that was with Gurumayi's teachings. She placed her hands boldly upon me, which I enjoy. I don't like light placement, I attest this to my own body working days. The 15 minutes sped by extremely quickly. The last session the 15 minutes felt like 45 minutes. Very strange! After she finished my third eye chakra I started to feel the presence of my Great Great Grandmother Audrey. She's been around my aura a lot since my trip to Ohio in early September. When I was back there, she showed up with her mother, her daughter, and my mother - all in spirit now, when I went driving across the countryside in search of gravesites of my father's family members. They appeared in the back seat of the car that I was driving, like I imagined they did back when they were alive - going out for Sunday drives in the country. They all looked happy and excited to be back in a car reliving old memories and enjoying the comfort of a modern car. But the important thing was that they came to be with me. Audrey sat behind me, Nanny was next to her, Thelma and my mom filled in the rest of the row. They looked the ages they did when my mom was a young girl of 10 yrs of age.
But tonight when I sensed Audrey's presence she was alone and she felt STRONG. Like an ascended master strong. I had read a couple of years ago about how it's important to find a female descendant in your lineage that lived a very, very long time ago to communicate with. That the older she was, the more powerful she would be. When I first read that advice I traced back as far as I could down to the roots of my family tree using online ancestral software and found this woman named Feninsa Farsa, who was born around 2500 BC and was married to the King of Scythia. She was like my 99th great grandmother or something, haha. But she felt a little bit too far away to reach my voice to when I tried to communicate (pray) with her. I had better success praying to Shiva and feeling response energy occurring. So I will go back into the tree and look for another old woman relative not quite so ancient to set up as my Wise Woman, but now I'm also going to start to work with Audrey really closely. In the Reiki trance this evening I felt that she was letting me know that my mom is well, that she is happy and safe, but that she's got a lot of work she's doing where she's at right now and that she is thinking about me a lot, but that she's just a bit overwhelmed with her new world and her new life and her new body and that's why she feels a little bit distant to me. Audrey said that she's been watching out for me for a really long time now anyway, it's about time that I open up my ears and eyes and interact with her consciously instead of just being a recipient of her blessings. So yeah, that was a really great blessing from this healing tonight.
Okay, that's all I've got to say for now :)
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