Being tossed in a sea of swirling forces but at least I'm still buoyant...
Not drinking any caffeine is a harsh adjustment. The softening of mental acuity, for one thing, is a blow that's more difficult to adjust to than one might expect. The nudge up out of depression from the boosts caffeine gives you too is a hard sacrifice. But for the sake of keeping my blood pressure in check, I've been forced to do this. Been switching up my bipolar meds too, from one cocktail that makes me sleep 12 hours (including up to 2 hours of good REM sleep) to an opposing cocktail that keeps me awake till dawn and gives me only 6 hours sleep... I enjoy the early morning manic, creative thinking that I get into but pushing myself to actually make that productive and useful time is something I've struggled with for years. Maybe now I'll start to get better at getting things done during those hours.
Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts. Realized that if I am not getting my work done, i.e. working on my projects, actually spending time on a daily basis making progress with them I will be pulled back into a whirlpool of entropy that sucks me back to the kind of life I am trying to escape from having to live. Namely a life of slavery and imprisonment. To ill health, to jobs that restrict my ability to live life freely according to the calling of my soul's direction. There is a tipping point and I'm living very close to it right now. I'm just two days into pushing my way forward towards living the life my soul is calling me to live. It feels good, it feels better. It's not just enough to spend time going out into the hills hiking and taking photographs and communing with nature, although that helps a lot with healing my soul. I need to be writing and making progress with the large project that I have basically been assigned to produce. And yesterday I made a big stab at getting started on new directions with this. This blog entry is giving me some clarity and assurance that it's happening and that I'm doing the right things. I'll be back here more often to keep tabs on myself :)
Yesterday I had an epiphany of sorts. Realized that if I am not getting my work done, i.e. working on my projects, actually spending time on a daily basis making progress with them I will be pulled back into a whirlpool of entropy that sucks me back to the kind of life I am trying to escape from having to live. Namely a life of slavery and imprisonment. To ill health, to jobs that restrict my ability to live life freely according to the calling of my soul's direction. There is a tipping point and I'm living very close to it right now. I'm just two days into pushing my way forward towards living the life my soul is calling me to live. It feels good, it feels better. It's not just enough to spend time going out into the hills hiking and taking photographs and communing with nature, although that helps a lot with healing my soul. I need to be writing and making progress with the large project that I have basically been assigned to produce. And yesterday I made a big stab at getting started on new directions with this. This blog entry is giving me some clarity and assurance that it's happening and that I'm doing the right things. I'll be back here more often to keep tabs on myself :)
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