the tide has changed again...
Well, you thought I was happy with my new found emergence into the world of the employed... and I was, temporarily. But something happened to stir my inner demons back awake. Life is full of so many flashbacks, isn't it. This is a curse of mine, being too prone to deeply analyze things.
I started to realize that the wonderful freedom I had won for myself, that I experienced and struggled through for the past decade was the most beautiful thing I've achieved in this lifetime, and that through becoming an employee of the most wonderful grocery store corporation in the world, a place that I literally could force myself to believe I was happy working at for the remainder of my life, well, it was the death knell for my being able to do anything creatively in my life again. Even though I was a miserable, unsuccessful artist and writer, I was the happiest I ever was in my lifetime in that suffering. And by being unsuccessful I mean that my art was not appreciated by the masses. I was successful in that I enjoyed myself creating my art.
Working for the grocery corporation, I was nothing but a cog in a machine. As a freelance artist and writer I am a unique being finely attuned to the urging of my soul.
I think the important lesson learned during the past 5 months was to see that I am employable, I am a happy, willing and strong worker. Sadly, I did not earn that great of a wage. I did not earn enough money to be able to support myself in the big ugly world. The mere pittance I earned basically allowed me to purchase several months worth supply of my beloved kratom powder, a couple of new electronic devices and some new clothes. Rent, I'd never have been able to afford off of such pittance wages.
The stronger lesson learned is that I am brave enough to turn my back against something so wonderful and walk seemingly backwards into the void of unpredictable futures. I am in such a beautiful garden of possibility because now, with the improved attitudes and work ethic I developed I am planning on getting very serious about editing my novels and also hope to start to mass produce music reviews for Ground Control Magazine again. I am also excited about being able to go on long walks and bike rides again, and perhaps I'll finally begin my yoga practice.
I hope most of you will share my excitement with me, and not judge me for giving up on what to the mass population seemed to be a the best possible gift, having a job. I now have something better, a calling.
I started to realize that the wonderful freedom I had won for myself, that I experienced and struggled through for the past decade was the most beautiful thing I've achieved in this lifetime, and that through becoming an employee of the most wonderful grocery store corporation in the world, a place that I literally could force myself to believe I was happy working at for the remainder of my life, well, it was the death knell for my being able to do anything creatively in my life again. Even though I was a miserable, unsuccessful artist and writer, I was the happiest I ever was in my lifetime in that suffering. And by being unsuccessful I mean that my art was not appreciated by the masses. I was successful in that I enjoyed myself creating my art.
Working for the grocery corporation, I was nothing but a cog in a machine. As a freelance artist and writer I am a unique being finely attuned to the urging of my soul.
I think the important lesson learned during the past 5 months was to see that I am employable, I am a happy, willing and strong worker. Sadly, I did not earn that great of a wage. I did not earn enough money to be able to support myself in the big ugly world. The mere pittance I earned basically allowed me to purchase several months worth supply of my beloved kratom powder, a couple of new electronic devices and some new clothes. Rent, I'd never have been able to afford off of such pittance wages.
The stronger lesson learned is that I am brave enough to turn my back against something so wonderful and walk seemingly backwards into the void of unpredictable futures. I am in such a beautiful garden of possibility because now, with the improved attitudes and work ethic I developed I am planning on getting very serious about editing my novels and also hope to start to mass produce music reviews for Ground Control Magazine again. I am also excited about being able to go on long walks and bike rides again, and perhaps I'll finally begin my yoga practice.
I hope most of you will share my excitement with me, and not judge me for giving up on what to the mass population seemed to be a the best possible gift, having a job. I now have something better, a calling.
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