what happened in this girl's life?
A deeply disturbing event has occurred in our community this week. A 15 year old girl disappeared on Monday. Immediately upon notice of her being missing a massive search party was formed (local Bay Area law officials) but also a large network of online social contacts were alerted to her being missing. At first, it was not disclosed that foul play was suspected, but neither was it disclosed that anyone was worried about her mental state and that maybe she had simply run away.
Two days later (yesterday) it was announced on the news, around 1:30pm that the search had changed to a “recovery operation” and it was assumed that the girl had jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge. This is when more facts started to come out. That a suicide note had been found at her home. Her bicycle had been found abandoned at Crissy Field in San Francisco. I think the timline they created suggested that she went to school in the morning, as usual but left early. There was a snapshopt shown on the news of her leaving a BART station in San Francisco with her bike. That was the last sign of her alive. At least that we have been told about now.
Here is where my dismay about this situation begins. I have two big questions. One is what happened in this young persons life to make them feel that there was no solution to her problems. I have been suicidal before. I have been so suicidal that I made an attempt on ending my own life. I remember spending weeks spiraling into severe, deep depression that finally culminated in my feeling like I was inside a small, black box where there was no light, no air, no room to move, no one to talk to and there is nothing but bad logic where your own voice that tries to answer your questions and reason with your loss of hope just starts to scare you. You try to lie to everyone around you, put on a facade and pretend that things are not as bad as you are really feeling.
Is this how Allison felt? This girl, well I don't know anything about her family or friends, but the picture that is starting to surface in the little bits of news is that she had a good life and people in her life that liked her. She was healthy (an athlete), a musician (there are youtube recordings of her playing piano)... When did her downward spiral begin? How long was this depression going on? Why did no one that she was close to see any warning signs? Her parents. Her closest friends. Her teachers. And what happened that was so bad that she completely felt that there was no solution to her dilema?
It takes a brave, depressed soul to commit the act of suicide. It takes so much intent to carry out that act. To write a note, to leave home, get on a bus with your bike, travel all the way to Crissy Field from Danville (navigating the streets of San Francisco on a business day with a bike is not easy, even for an experienced city biker). This girl was determined to fulfill this act.
And here is more of my second question. How did “her people” not see the signs, but also, what did the last people that saw her in the cities she passed through, the streets she passed through think when they saw her. Did she look distressed? They have suicide patrols on the Golden Gate Bridge, people that walk the span looking for people that act suspiciously, as if they might be jumpers. Did none of those people see her? Or sense in broad daylight what she was up to? And it's not easy to get over the railings to actually jump off the bridge either. How many people looked into her face, or spoke any kind of kindness to her on her journey to that spot where she last stood on earth?
This is a real mystery that I hope a lot of people are pondering very deeply. I never heard of this girl before this news this week. I may know someone that knows her that knows her in Danville. I may have seen her on the streets of Danville, like I've seen many other teenagers in that town and my own. But I not someone that ever has opportunity to really get to know any young people like this. I'm not trying to say I'm not in some way responsible as a member of this community. All members of a community are responsible when a tragedy like this happens. We are all interconnected. If I had seen her, somewhere, someday, not knowing anything about the life she lived because she was a stranger, I hope at least that I may have given her a smile and that my smile may have given her a brief moment of thinking that there are nice people around her in her town. Obviously, she must have come across someone very diabolical that caused some sort of disruption in her belief in an ability to live her life. To remember that there are ways to get help. That there are good people that do care, even if they are strangers. For instance, calling the Suicide Preventiion Hot Line as a last resort before doing something final and stupid. Especially at such a young and innocent age.
The last thing I have to say right now at least is actually a bit hopeful. Her “body” has not been recovered yet. In my mind, that means that maybe she is actually still alive. Maybe she did just run away. Maybe something so bad happened at home that she just needed to escape and hide for awhile. And the suicide letter was a ploy to scare her parents. That they have outright declared this a suicide without bodily proof is a little strange. I know I will have more to say about this when more details arise in the news. (addendum: see article below, re: recovery of body - they have proof that she walked onto the bridge but did not walk off. still, couldn't she have gotten into someone's car?)
Letter to Parents on Alliy's Suicide
Authorities Now Trying to Recover Body of Allison Bayliss
(this article says that police have (video surveillance) proof that she walked onto the bridge, but she never walked off; thus the conclusion that she jumped.)
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