was it "love"?

taken in doctor's office yesterday. i've been having numbness in my left hand and arm recently.

I need to make some sort of record of this before it totally slips away from my memory. There was a period of about two weeks while I was interacting with M~ that I had those unfamiliar(to me at least) yet always welcome feelings of "falling in love". I don't know so much that it was specifically M~ that I was falling in love with or simply the idea that I was on the verge of allowing a "girl friend" to enter into my life. This was in March and there were early signs of spring occurring in nature so maybe that added to it.

I like the feelings of falling in love. They make me feel young and hopeful and childlike. I wanted to play and tell stories and cook and go for long walks. And I wanted to become better; looking, smelling, and tasting. And I wanted to become an anticipation, if you will. Someone that was wanted and whose presence was looked forward to.

Anyway, it was a little injection of the spirit of juvenile love, that's all. But at the same time it felt real and eternal. The last I remember of really experiencing "being in love" was with Gurumayi, my guru. That was a higher love though, yet it did have elements of feeling like I was precious to someone... *sigh*, I miss that so much.