THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

i wasn't planning on doing this. i did not think this sort of thing was possible. it's easier than going to class on the first day when the teacher has everyone go around in a circle and introduce yourself. you just find an interesting "hangout" on Google+ and join at the assigned time - and everyone is all chatty like they already know you. thing is, we don't. we're total strangers for the most part. we are just wanderers meeting on the internet in the new social network called Google+. and well, everyone seems pretty darn excited about it. i've known about the ability to "hang out" for a couple of weeks now but i was hesitant to participate. i dunno, maybe i was just in a sour mood or something that first week. a person i have actually known via the nets (and met in person one time) kept pinging me to hangout, but i never responded. until this past Friday night. he made an announcement that he and his best friend were just going to be hanging...

despite my desires, i feel more and more like a pure artist each day that goes by. yesterday i did the closest thing i'll probably ever do to having a gallery display of my art; i released the publication of a book that contains some of my favorite art pieces from the past year's toils.  i have about 3 pages worth of things to say, emotions to express about what it all means to me, but i'm not going to say it. not here at least. except that i don't care what people think anymore. i can't stay out here in the open and ... i just have to go deeper. i almost feel sorry for ever making any of my work public. i don't think this is the way of the old masters. to be open. to care about what anyone thinks. the affect that hearing what people think about my work, when they don't want to have it makes me weak. like a psychic drain of some sort happens...  it's weird, because so many artists in the history of the world never get to display their art. or even car...

cemetery people by daryl darko | Make Your Own Book

it's so sad that i don't have anyone to tell my secrets to other than this blog, and even here i don't confess all (anymore). i don't use the real names of people i'm talking about anymore. so this story i'm going to allude to now, you'll have no realistic idea of who on earth i'm talking about...  hmmm, in fact, just there in that millisecond i had a flash in my mind, a soul revelation that made me think that i don't even need to tell the story at all here. what difference does it make. i will just say that something happened in my life recently that made me sad. the sadness of my life has reached a new depth and my hope eternal for new things to happen tomorrow is tainted even more yellow now. i'm going to turn into Samuel Beckett before i know it. if someone happens to read this, who knows me, and wants to know what i'm talking about, contact me via message/comment/email/facebook/telephone, soon - before i totally forget about this and l...

this is turning into another episode in my life of being ignored by someone to the point where i just feel like an idiot for ever having any feelings for the person at all. and what is really bad when this happens is that i start a path towards immortalizing that person. get to a point with me where communication breaks down and i am left in a position of having to answer all of my questions myself and it is most likely that you will end up in my fiction writing. don't worry, i won't ever use your real name. and don't worry, i'll never figure out how to become famous so you don't have to worry about anything i scribble out in Nanowrimo becoming a nationwide best-seller where the subtleties of my dysfunction will become fodder for book-club discussion. what you should worry about though is that i am left sitting here with gut crunching malaise about why you couldn't finish business with me. why you thought it was okay to simply turn out the lights, shut the door,...

an interesting thing happened this morning. something that i did not expect to happen the way it did. i thought i was going to get upset. but when the doing actually unfolded something sweet came from my heart, and well, it's sort of changed the entire direction of what i'm going to do with my next photo book. i photographed a woman about 50 weeks ago. she's supposed to be the very first person, sequence-wise in my new Cemetery People book. thing is, she doesn't want her photographs to be seen. i'm really not sure why, either. she signed one of my model release forms before we started her shoot, so she knew what my intent was. to display the photographs publicly on Flickr. and she also knew that i was getting ready to publish a book. she should have been the last model displayed in last year's Cemetery Girl's photo book. at that time, she gave me the excuse that she had just arrived home from travelling and did not have time to answer the interview que...