to create or not to create, what is possible?
So one thing they keep finding in my aura readings is that creativity is one of the main purposes tied to why I'm alive. I'll attest to the fact and idea that my happiest experiences in life are when I'm being artistically creative. I feel the most fulfilled creating things. That they keep seeing underlying surges of potential for new creative expressions makes me hope that there will be new projects that I'll become involved with. I have some ideas of things I want to do, but for the most part my creativity feels pretty subdued these days. The height of my creative output ended around 4 or 5 years ago when I stopped doing the Cemetery Girl photography project. I tried to shift back into working on my novel after that, but that project is a painful struggle I cannot bring myself to finish. Even now, while I sit here writing this I feel that I should be working on the novel. It just feels like something that I'm never going to complete.
There are so many things that I feel like I could be doing, but that I'm not. Again, I hope that the energy they find in me during these readings has to do with upcoming energy that I'll become able to channel into new works, or that it'll help me finish up old works.
One weird new idea for a project that has been coming up recently is about getting on stage at the Starry Plough in Berkeley and trying to recite Captain Beefheart songs. The first few days I thought of doing that the feelings were very excitable, but short lived. They died down pretty quickly, but then came back again after this last reading when they told me they saw me on stage as a musician (in a past life), and that they wondered if it could still be something I wanted to do in this life. Understand this, I have no musical abilities. I've tried many times in this life to learn how to play instruments, and I love listening to music. I have never felt gifted as a musician though. Yet I can in the back of my mind see myself having a good time at the open mic reciting Beefheart, maybe with a harmonica accompaniment, or something.
Aside from that, another thing I've been thinking about the past few days is that the semester at DVC just ended. The one that I signed up for classes at the beginning of, way back in August? That has been a LONG time for those classes to been going on, and I'm partly imagining how exhausted I would have been if I had stuck it out that long, going to those two classes two days a week. I really don't think I've got the ability to be that dedicated to something like that which would not lead anywhere for me. I'm glad that I dropped out early like I did.
That's all for now.
There are so many things that I feel like I could be doing, but that I'm not. Again, I hope that the energy they find in me during these readings has to do with upcoming energy that I'll become able to channel into new works, or that it'll help me finish up old works.
One weird new idea for a project that has been coming up recently is about getting on stage at the Starry Plough in Berkeley and trying to recite Captain Beefheart songs. The first few days I thought of doing that the feelings were very excitable, but short lived. They died down pretty quickly, but then came back again after this last reading when they told me they saw me on stage as a musician (in a past life), and that they wondered if it could still be something I wanted to do in this life. Understand this, I have no musical abilities. I've tried many times in this life to learn how to play instruments, and I love listening to music. I have never felt gifted as a musician though. Yet I can in the back of my mind see myself having a good time at the open mic reciting Beefheart, maybe with a harmonica accompaniment, or something.
Aside from that, another thing I've been thinking about the past few days is that the semester at DVC just ended. The one that I signed up for classes at the beginning of, way back in August? That has been a LONG time for those classes to been going on, and I'm partly imagining how exhausted I would have been if I had stuck it out that long, going to those two classes two days a week. I really don't think I've got the ability to be that dedicated to something like that which would not lead anywhere for me. I'm glad that I dropped out early like I did.
That's all for now.
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