i have the best life...
i wrote that title some time ago, but never made an entry, so i'm just going to go with it and start to talk about what is going on now. soo very much has happened since December - the time of my last entry. i will continue to say that i have a very good life. i may not be in the ultimate position of joy that i was in when i created that title before, but i am so solid in my friendship with her right now that there is very little possibility of anything ever becoming unworkable again. we figure everything out, just by talking. honesty, frankness, and a willingness to ask for help is all it takes to keep things fresh, nurtured, and growing.
we have grown so much closer to each other too. we rode the train together from the bay area to Portland, Oregon (almost) a month ago - 3 weeks i guess it is now! the experience of achieving this trip together was the greatest thing we've ever accomplished. we learned so much about each other and have become entirely comfortable in each other's presence. we are still only friends though, but soul friends of a very deep and complex nature. there are new things we're talking about doing together, dreams for a future together - well, basically we want to move to Portland to live. and we'd even share an apartment for a period of time if that was what it took to get us started there. we want to be there so badly. when we were there, every moment was extremely real and potent. we didn't want to sleep for fear of missing something. we just wanted to absorb as much of the place as we could.
we consider this place that we live to be "hell", and we view Portland as "The Promised Land".. much magic is afoot to help us get out of here and move there, asap. and i do not use the word "magic" lightly. we indulge in the practice of hoodoo folk magic. what we do ourselves is primarily "candle spells", but we also have a good friend that is a rootworker in Arkansas that assists us. this form of magic works on very subtle levels and is not malevolent at all. We use it to open doors and ask for blessings. It's quite a "religious" practice when you get down to it's basics - there are elements of Catholicism in it - regard for the saints, and the bible (Psalms in particular) are recited often when initiating spells. not trying to write a treatise on this here but i just want to mention it as it is a real world tool we've integrated into our lives.
i would like to become able to do more hoodoo work myself, at home, but i'm having a really difficult time creating a space, and privacy to it in. one hindrance is how crowded my two rooms in the house have become with clutter. i used to always keep a special place for Gurumayi's puja in the past, and now i don't even have that (minimal) space, or function. there is too much peeking and whispering in the house the way it is now for me to feel free to do the things i want to do there. it's not a new condition but it's one i've grown very tired of. i've had dreamy visions of types of miracle-like occurences happening which would allow us to go to Portland and have enough money to get our own place. a REAL house that we could set up the way we want to.
i'm open to the idea, and actually see it as the only realistic option right now, to move my entire household up there - including mother and brother (a move that would entail the sale of our house here to purchase a new house up there) but it's still going to be just transferring our problems to another place. it would be a fresh, new start on life, in a place where we could find much more that makes us all happy and healthy, but the deep rooted problems of privacy invasion that i experience with my brother would not go away. i'd like to have 2 houses in Portland, one for mom and him, and one for myself and Scarlett (and any other friends we have that could visit and stay over).
okay, that's part one of what i want to say today. the other part is about what i'm doing in the here and now. April 1st is the day i am going to begin working on my novel again. And I am in the mental and soul process of shifting from doing photography back into writing. there are 3 months of Nanowrimo available to write during now and i want to take advantage of them all. i really could finish writing the book this year. and while i'm still stuck here in this place, i have access to the places where the story takes place. i must absorb and process as much of the energy and inspiration here that i can. because once i'm in Portland the scenery there will start to wash me away.. so the plan is to help Scarlett get a new job at the Peets Coffee in San Ramon, something she strongly desires to do, and i will use that as my "writing place" again. i don't know how soon i'll write here again, and you know the way i jump all over the place and skip so much of what happens, i may never mention this again. i need to start the practice of writing again - as prep for Nanowrimo so i may blog more. we'll see.
we have grown so much closer to each other too. we rode the train together from the bay area to Portland, Oregon (almost) a month ago - 3 weeks i guess it is now! the experience of achieving this trip together was the greatest thing we've ever accomplished. we learned so much about each other and have become entirely comfortable in each other's presence. we are still only friends though, but soul friends of a very deep and complex nature. there are new things we're talking about doing together, dreams for a future together - well, basically we want to move to Portland to live. and we'd even share an apartment for a period of time if that was what it took to get us started there. we want to be there so badly. when we were there, every moment was extremely real and potent. we didn't want to sleep for fear of missing something. we just wanted to absorb as much of the place as we could.
we consider this place that we live to be "hell", and we view Portland as "The Promised Land".. much magic is afoot to help us get out of here and move there, asap. and i do not use the word "magic" lightly. we indulge in the practice of hoodoo folk magic. what we do ourselves is primarily "candle spells", but we also have a good friend that is a rootworker in Arkansas that assists us. this form of magic works on very subtle levels and is not malevolent at all. We use it to open doors and ask for blessings. It's quite a "religious" practice when you get down to it's basics - there are elements of Catholicism in it - regard for the saints, and the bible (Psalms in particular) are recited often when initiating spells. not trying to write a treatise on this here but i just want to mention it as it is a real world tool we've integrated into our lives.
i would like to become able to do more hoodoo work myself, at home, but i'm having a really difficult time creating a space, and privacy to it in. one hindrance is how crowded my two rooms in the house have become with clutter. i used to always keep a special place for Gurumayi's puja in the past, and now i don't even have that (minimal) space, or function. there is too much peeking and whispering in the house the way it is now for me to feel free to do the things i want to do there. it's not a new condition but it's one i've grown very tired of. i've had dreamy visions of types of miracle-like occurences happening which would allow us to go to Portland and have enough money to get our own place. a REAL house that we could set up the way we want to.
i'm open to the idea, and actually see it as the only realistic option right now, to move my entire household up there - including mother and brother (a move that would entail the sale of our house here to purchase a new house up there) but it's still going to be just transferring our problems to another place. it would be a fresh, new start on life, in a place where we could find much more that makes us all happy and healthy, but the deep rooted problems of privacy invasion that i experience with my brother would not go away. i'd like to have 2 houses in Portland, one for mom and him, and one for myself and Scarlett (and any other friends we have that could visit and stay over).
okay, that's part one of what i want to say today. the other part is about what i'm doing in the here and now. April 1st is the day i am going to begin working on my novel again. And I am in the mental and soul process of shifting from doing photography back into writing. there are 3 months of Nanowrimo available to write during now and i want to take advantage of them all. i really could finish writing the book this year. and while i'm still stuck here in this place, i have access to the places where the story takes place. i must absorb and process as much of the energy and inspiration here that i can. because once i'm in Portland the scenery there will start to wash me away.. so the plan is to help Scarlett get a new job at the Peets Coffee in San Ramon, something she strongly desires to do, and i will use that as my "writing place" again. i don't know how soon i'll write here again, and you know the way i jump all over the place and skip so much of what happens, i may never mention this again. i need to start the practice of writing again - as prep for Nanowrimo so i may blog more. we'll see.
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