crossroads between two worlds...
i cannot break my addiction to visual art. i need to see it all the time. i don't how to explain it other than to blame it on my ocd-ish type of attachment to being told stories visually. it's why i'm also addicted to watching film stories. does this addiction/attachment/need suit my own artistic endeavors? it does, it can, but the element of enjoyment that i experience from this stimulus goes into the realm of triggering my depression. when i consume art and stories i'm not making my own stories, or art.
i know how the pattern of behavior plays out, time after time. when i am unable to do photography, for whatever reason, i obsess over using my Tumblr account. that can happen during a phase when i am fully engaged in my "photography seasons", but have a lapse of creative projects to work on. and it happens during the phase i'm in right now, where i have decided to put the camera away and go back to my writing.
several weeks ago i felt it was time to shift out of doing photo shoots and to start to gravitate back towards doing my writing again. it's always a tenuous period of time that can last for several weeks up to a couple of months, on some occasions. i never fear that i'll be lost in this limbo because the need to productively create becomes a burning burden. it aches my soul not to be making progress towards some destination.
the phase i'm in right now, it'll end soon enough. my estimate is that it'll end and i'll be working diligently on my novel again within the next 7 days. to incite this new beginning i'm planning to go up to the Tao House in Danville on Wednesday, a day predicted to be wet and cold. which is the last of the cold season leaving us now, the season i'm most productive with my photography during.
it's funny but a few weeks ago my enthusiasm for beginning writing again was stronger than it is now, as my starting date nears. but i tie the low enthusiasm i'm feeling to the way my health is right now. having been on a juice fast (which has been nearly perfectly food free) for two weeks now my whole emotional demeanor has changed. i also tie this change in emotions to the absence of getting to have time with my best friend anymore. with her job and new boyfriend, i've become low man on her totem pole again. i'm not even going to begin to write here about what my thoughts and feelings about this are, except that i wish i had a life as good as hers. or at least had the ability to manifest the things i desire in my life like she can.
i know how the pattern of behavior plays out, time after time. when i am unable to do photography, for whatever reason, i obsess over using my Tumblr account. that can happen during a phase when i am fully engaged in my "photography seasons", but have a lapse of creative projects to work on. and it happens during the phase i'm in right now, where i have decided to put the camera away and go back to my writing.
several weeks ago i felt it was time to shift out of doing photo shoots and to start to gravitate back towards doing my writing again. it's always a tenuous period of time that can last for several weeks up to a couple of months, on some occasions. i never fear that i'll be lost in this limbo because the need to productively create becomes a burning burden. it aches my soul not to be making progress towards some destination.
the phase i'm in right now, it'll end soon enough. my estimate is that it'll end and i'll be working diligently on my novel again within the next 7 days. to incite this new beginning i'm planning to go up to the Tao House in Danville on Wednesday, a day predicted to be wet and cold. which is the last of the cold season leaving us now, the season i'm most productive with my photography during.
it's funny but a few weeks ago my enthusiasm for beginning writing again was stronger than it is now, as my starting date nears. but i tie the low enthusiasm i'm feeling to the way my health is right now. having been on a juice fast (which has been nearly perfectly food free) for two weeks now my whole emotional demeanor has changed. i also tie this change in emotions to the absence of getting to have time with my best friend anymore. with her job and new boyfriend, i've become low man on her totem pole again. i'm not even going to begin to write here about what my thoughts and feelings about this are, except that i wish i had a life as good as hers. or at least had the ability to manifest the things i desire in my life like she can.
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