the new day has finally come...
well, i did it! i let go of my angst and what i yearned for came to me. (it wasn't as easy as that sounds, but now that i am there, here, it feels like all the years of moaning and groaning i went through were birth pangs or death growls in comparison to the cloud of bliss i have ascended to am floating on now).
"what the hell is he talking about?", are you screaming? I FOUND MY PERFECT FRIEND.
and i've reopened my blog to the public. all in the same 24 hour period. two major manifestations in one day. i'm overjoyed by the one, but i'm a little out of practice about the other and i'm stumbling to find my old blogger voice. i've been blogging in private since i left here back in January and there i don't give a dang about syntax or spelling or telling a good story... so i have to get my mojo back a bit here... bear with me.
the story of my new friendship is worth telling, and worth listening to. and it's going to take me time to bring it all to you. so much has happened all ready and so much more will happen, i am sure of it. right now i just want to talk about the perfect day we had yesterday.
we spent 10 hours together. side by side, all 10 hours. never separate for more than 3 minutes when either of us needed to go to the restroom. there was one exception. i got a phone call from my mom and i had to go outside to be able to hear her. after about 5 minutes i got a text message from my friend who waited inside for me. she was asking, "where'd ya go?" and a minute later she came out the door to find me. there were other underlying reasons for that but still they were the darned cutest acts of affection i've experienced in memorable history.
and now your getting bored, saying "wtf is he bragging about. that's stupid." if you have read this blog. if you know me. at all. trust me. yesterday was better than winning the lottery. to try to put it into words here, or if anybody called me and said, "what did you do yesterday?" words would diminish the radiant splendor of how perfect the whole day went. the really great thing is that i know that there are going to be many more days like this. she and i have opened our hearts to each other in such an amazing manner of acceptance and agreement that it's like divine grace has encircled us, or something wild like that because we have become effortless. we can just be with each other now. i really cannot remember ever having this level of comfort and satisfaction in a friendship with anyone before.
there is no longer any need to impress, or desire, or plead, or compete... i am one unique thing in the world to her that she has desired with her deepest heart to have, and she has called me to herself. equally, she is what i have been aching and starving to have, direly over the past decade at least, but i suspect that as we get to know each other even more i may discover that she is someone even more familiar to me. an old soul friend, perhaps.
a lot of what is magical about our union is the struggle we have come through to achieve trust and understanding with each other. we met 10 months ago and have gone through various stages of flirtations in our endeavors to get to know each other. checking each other out, finding out how safe we felt with sharing our innermost secrets and weaknesses. and it's all been trust building activities. we've written together. yes, we share passions for writing... she is a much better writer than i am. she finishes what she starts and writes very creative and interesting stories. she's written a novella since i've known here and is in the middle of another quite large novel right now.
we have been of a good type of friendship while we've been moving towards where we are now, don't get me wrong. we've never wronged each other. it's just been getting to this point where we feel safe with each other. that goes deep and i don't want to talk about it more yet... not sure if i will here or not... i just want to say that i'm experiencing a peace that i have not felt in a very long time. my burning loneliness has ceased suffocating me because i feel like she is with me all the time... now i'm gushing. okay, stopping.
"what the hell is he talking about?", are you screaming? I FOUND MY PERFECT FRIEND.
and i've reopened my blog to the public. all in the same 24 hour period. two major manifestations in one day. i'm overjoyed by the one, but i'm a little out of practice about the other and i'm stumbling to find my old blogger voice. i've been blogging in private since i left here back in January and there i don't give a dang about syntax or spelling or telling a good story... so i have to get my mojo back a bit here... bear with me.
the story of my new friendship is worth telling, and worth listening to. and it's going to take me time to bring it all to you. so much has happened all ready and so much more will happen, i am sure of it. right now i just want to talk about the perfect day we had yesterday.
we spent 10 hours together. side by side, all 10 hours. never separate for more than 3 minutes when either of us needed to go to the restroom. there was one exception. i got a phone call from my mom and i had to go outside to be able to hear her. after about 5 minutes i got a text message from my friend who waited inside for me. she was asking, "where'd ya go?" and a minute later she came out the door to find me. there were other underlying reasons for that but still they were the darned cutest acts of affection i've experienced in memorable history.
and now your getting bored, saying "wtf is he bragging about. that's stupid." if you have read this blog. if you know me. at all. trust me. yesterday was better than winning the lottery. to try to put it into words here, or if anybody called me and said, "what did you do yesterday?" words would diminish the radiant splendor of how perfect the whole day went. the really great thing is that i know that there are going to be many more days like this. she and i have opened our hearts to each other in such an amazing manner of acceptance and agreement that it's like divine grace has encircled us, or something wild like that because we have become effortless. we can just be with each other now. i really cannot remember ever having this level of comfort and satisfaction in a friendship with anyone before.
there is no longer any need to impress, or desire, or plead, or compete... i am one unique thing in the world to her that she has desired with her deepest heart to have, and she has called me to herself. equally, she is what i have been aching and starving to have, direly over the past decade at least, but i suspect that as we get to know each other even more i may discover that she is someone even more familiar to me. an old soul friend, perhaps.
a lot of what is magical about our union is the struggle we have come through to achieve trust and understanding with each other. we met 10 months ago and have gone through various stages of flirtations in our endeavors to get to know each other. checking each other out, finding out how safe we felt with sharing our innermost secrets and weaknesses. and it's all been trust building activities. we've written together. yes, we share passions for writing... she is a much better writer than i am. she finishes what she starts and writes very creative and interesting stories. she's written a novella since i've known here and is in the middle of another quite large novel right now.
we have been of a good type of friendship while we've been moving towards where we are now, don't get me wrong. we've never wronged each other. it's just been getting to this point where we feel safe with each other. that goes deep and i don't want to talk about it more yet... not sure if i will here or not... i just want to say that i'm experiencing a peace that i have not felt in a very long time. my burning loneliness has ceased suffocating me because i feel like she is with me all the time... now i'm gushing. okay, stopping.
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