The Experiment Has Begun!

Day one of the detachment from Facebook experiment has begun. I have been struggling with a mysterious cloud of confusion in my head for about a week now in which I felt unable to create a healthy balance of the use of my computer time. Facebook is a black hole nebulous whirlpool of energies that pull you myriad directions. I’m so sickened in confusion by how uneasy the entire experience of coming to this conclusion of decidicate myself from the community that I can’t even find enough clarity in my thoughts to give you, dear reader a clear enough spelling out of what all my reasons are for exiting.

Over the next few days I’ll try to write some installments that will go into some detil about the why and wherefore. In a nutshell, I feel that leaving the quaqmire darkhole of Facebook I am going to be finding that I’ll regain both free time and also a sense of redemption; as if i had been freed from a bad relationship, or even more clearly from an abusive addiction. And that I’m going to be feeling healthy and strong and fresh and excited about life again.

Right after I clicked on the button that says “deactivate your account”, which is not the same as “delete your account” (deactivate means that your account, all your friends, all your groups, all your photos, they are all still there… and that if I ever decide that i want to come back to Facebook i just need to reactivate my account by simply “logging back in”. and Presto! everything will be right there the way i left it. kind of a wimpy abandonment, eh?

Well, as i was starting to say, when i clicked on the deactivate button, the first thought that came into my mind was “how long can i make this absence last?” 3 days? weak! 5 days? paltry! how about 30 days!!! now THAT would be a powerful statement. but not only a statement but a legitimate exercise in doing what it is i want/need to do; regain control of my time to use my other skills on the www.

Ok, here is a confession too. one thing that led to this decision this week, to my making the decision tonight is that tomorrow is my birthday. my birthday is typically a difficult time of year for me because it is the time of the year when my father died. he died 3 days after my 11th birthday. and then one month later it would have been his birthday. it’s all very complex and i’ve thought and written out many deep pages of analysis about why it is a spiritual mystery to me over the past few decades. and i’m too tired to go into more of it now, today.

i did not want to be on Facebook tomorrow getting all of these one line, two word birthday wishes from virtual strangers that mean nothing because they are mainly from people that i really do not know. that is why i deleted 300 people from the ranks of my “friends” list today. people that don’t engage with me in any way other than wanting to have me as a curiosity or a number on their wall. and i started a lie at the beginning of the week by changing the truth of my birthdate to show the date of my dads birth, right down to the year he was born. three people out of the over 500 actually knew tomorrow was my birthday and gave me a personal wish, despite the fact that the incorrect date was on my profile. so gold stars and blessings from my heart go to them, dear friends.

but this is my lesson. Facebook encourages shallow connections with people. i don’t want 500 shallow connections. I’d rather have 5 deep connections. i’ll devolve this internetworking all the way back to analog phonecalls and snail mail letters in envelopes with stamps if that is what it is going to take to develop longing and desire in friendships with people that really want to know me and to spend time with me.

 

ok, that was much more of a mouthful than i was expecting to pour out tonight. my body has been carrying heaviness in it this week. like i’ve been impaled through my chest. it’s been hard to breath and hard to walk and i just want to crawl into a dark hole to celebrate my birthday tomorrow but i have a house guest to entertain. maybe he’ll decide to leave soon so i can have some privacy to wallow in. i need some sad movie time. lots of it…