the experiment deepens…

if you are reading this, it is either by chance that you’ve found yourself here, or you are one of regular readers that have come here of your own volition. i have turned off the email notifications, for now at least. i need a little more privacy and freedom to be able to write just exactly what it is that i’m thinking/feeling and i can’t do that when i think everyone thinks i want them to read/watch. this is not necessarily a posting that i would normally translate into a foreign language, to hide my most open feelings, but it is one where i just need a little bit of space to think openly/freely.

one thing i want to try to pull up is a description of a dream that i had about 2 days ago. it was a dream that i had in the afternoon; untimely as i have not taken an afternoon nap in quite some time. i have started to take Welbutrin recently and have not noticed any marked changes from it’s affects but it could be the reason for afternoon tiredness. i can’t even remember exactly what day it was when this dream visited me. was it Wednesday? it must have been.

anyway, the main visitor in the dream was a young woman that is in a circle of friends that i know of in Danville named Alix. she is very young and is pregnant. in my mind, i always think of her as “Juno” when i see her or think of her. i don’t really have what i consider friendship with her, not directly at least. she is just someone that knows me/vice versa because i know friends of hers. being vague because i don’t want to write out a family tree right now. but she is a petite and darling thing, frail almost and seems much too young and innocent to be burdened with all of the responsibilities of birthing and raising a child.

there are only a couple of visual things i remember about the dream. 2 actually. one was that i was reclining, asleep in the dream. i saw myself, vision outside and above my own head, laying down on a bed, sleeping. when my eyes opened in the dream i saw Alix sitting next to me on the side of the bed. she was smiling and seemed warm and comfortable with herself. as only you’d see in a dream, she then laid her head down on my belly, which seemed to be the size of a pregnant woman’s abdomen. well, i’m not pregnant, nor am i a woman – i am a bit large in the belly, but that is not the point. for some reason my belly seemed to represent “mother-ness” to her and she got comfort by laying her head on it. it wasn’t a cuddle or a hug. just a few short seconds where she gave me thanks and expressed some sort of familial closeness to me. as if i were somehow connected in the family-tree and inwardly she was appreciating the support i gave her…

the next thing i saw was her standing up and walking towards a doorway that led down a long, dark corridor. just as she stood up from the bed her water broke. she didn’t say it. i could just sense it because her countenance started to glow and she was smiling with great happiness and power. when she reached the doorway, she looked back and waved bye-bye. and i think she was wearing a witches hat! what that means i do not know!

i had just heard the day before from Alix’s mother-in-law, Petra who informed me about stage of the pregnancy that Alix is in, and that the birth will be soon. but no more details. right after the dream i texted Malori, who i believe is Alix’s closest friend to let her know i had the dream and that i wanted to know if she was ok. tonight, just a few minutes ago i spoke to Malori who told me about some complications going on with the pregnancy and that Alix will in fact have a c-section. i just wonder if the dream signifies the birth occurring in October? and if any other meaning is to come from this i simply interpret it as being that i should be prayerful for lil’Alix and her precious baby. it’s going to be hard going it seems. a real angel-child is coming to visit us all.