let's get serious now...
Well, I’m in trouble. Again. I was watching Harry Reasoner on The Early Show this morning while he interviewed an author whose newest book just came out. I was half asleep, but awake enough for the roots of my own, gestating novel to get watered just a little bit more. Without boring you with the bloom of refreshing ideas this insight gave me I’ll tell you about what is bothering me right now.
I’m taking a college class in computer programming. And it is scaring up ghosts from my past. No, I’m not learning how to program in C++ or anything psychotic like that, but it’s a pretty innocuous and pretty sounding little program called Dreamweaver that is starting to give me a nightmarish wakeup call.
I’m at a point in my very mature lifetime where I’ve stumbled upon a rediscovery of the second most powerful of my earliest callings to be an artist in my life. Photography. And I want to spend my time doing just that. Learning to master my equipment better and developing my vision. And I want to create and write stories.
This Dreamweaver teacher I have is a really nice chap and somebody that I’d actually like to have as a friend. But I feel like he is the devil wooing me to into a spider’s web where he is laying eggs emblazoned with dollar signs. You can be creative when you create websites but you have to use a mathematical portion of your brain to program them. Ok, here is what happened to me just last night. I was simply trying to copy some code from another person’s blog and put it into my own (to replicate this one particular effect). Really a pretty simple task. Well, I sat there for too long looking for a very simple error in the code and not being able to find it virtually brought me to tears. I flashed back to memories of being a very depressed and despondent office worker… oh, even telling you this story is getting me down.
It is almost just a question of principle to me. I shouldn’t even be willing to consider or contemplate getting involved with something like this that could take me back to that old way of being. ……… Ok, this is starting to disintegrate before my eyes. (I’m watching Sam Dunn’s documentary on Heavy Metal Music right now while I write this so I’m a bit distracted.) Here is why I’m in trouble.
I’m on academic probation level 2 at the college. I called and asked them why, because I passed all of my classes last semester. They said that it was based on a cumulative assessment of my entire period of enrollment at the college. Well, I first started attending DVC in 1977. Also, it is not based on cumulative GPA but cumulative dropped/failed classes. Or something like that. Well, I dropped/failed a lot of classes over the three decades that I’ve been taking classes at this college. If I mess up anymore, they say that I’ll be restricted from attending the college for up to two years.
Last week was the last date to drop classes without penalty. Oops! If I were to drop this programming class now I’d end up getting a failing mark. I think. Well, I’m going to think about it for a little bit; ok there, decided. I’m too old to be spending the precious time of my life doing things that don’t come naturally to me or are what make use of my gifts, right? I’m not working towards a new degree at the college so if I get put on full probation, so what. (And I paid over $60 for the books for this class… me who most of you know how desperate for dollars I am. sigh.)
I don’t know. I’d like to just get into a sweet groove with my creativity. Do my writing. Write this book. Do my photography. Find a way to make some money from it. I mentioned “Flickr Crushes” in an earlier post. I do actually have a sort of Flickr Crush on a female photographer in England. She does very creative photography and band photography. I just found her web site, a very polished and professional looking place. Maybe if I get something like that going. In the mean time I’ve got to figure out how to just make this stupid blogger page look better.
I’m taking a college class in computer programming. And it is scaring up ghosts from my past. No, I’m not learning how to program in C++ or anything psychotic like that, but it’s a pretty innocuous and pretty sounding little program called Dreamweaver that is starting to give me a nightmarish wakeup call.
I’m at a point in my very mature lifetime where I’ve stumbled upon a rediscovery of the second most powerful of my earliest callings to be an artist in my life. Photography. And I want to spend my time doing just that. Learning to master my equipment better and developing my vision. And I want to create and write stories.
This Dreamweaver teacher I have is a really nice chap and somebody that I’d actually like to have as a friend. But I feel like he is the devil wooing me to into a spider’s web where he is laying eggs emblazoned with dollar signs. You can be creative when you create websites but you have to use a mathematical portion of your brain to program them. Ok, here is what happened to me just last night. I was simply trying to copy some code from another person’s blog and put it into my own (to replicate this one particular effect). Really a pretty simple task. Well, I sat there for too long looking for a very simple error in the code and not being able to find it virtually brought me to tears. I flashed back to memories of being a very depressed and despondent office worker… oh, even telling you this story is getting me down.
It is almost just a question of principle to me. I shouldn’t even be willing to consider or contemplate getting involved with something like this that could take me back to that old way of being. ……… Ok, this is starting to disintegrate before my eyes. (I’m watching Sam Dunn’s documentary on Heavy Metal Music right now while I write this so I’m a bit distracted.) Here is why I’m in trouble.
I’m on academic probation level 2 at the college. I called and asked them why, because I passed all of my classes last semester. They said that it was based on a cumulative assessment of my entire period of enrollment at the college. Well, I first started attending DVC in 1977. Also, it is not based on cumulative GPA but cumulative dropped/failed classes. Or something like that. Well, I dropped/failed a lot of classes over the three decades that I’ve been taking classes at this college. If I mess up anymore, they say that I’ll be restricted from attending the college for up to two years.
Last week was the last date to drop classes without penalty. Oops! If I were to drop this programming class now I’d end up getting a failing mark. I think. Well, I’m going to think about it for a little bit; ok there, decided. I’m too old to be spending the precious time of my life doing things that don’t come naturally to me or are what make use of my gifts, right? I’m not working towards a new degree at the college so if I get put on full probation, so what. (And I paid over $60 for the books for this class… me who most of you know how desperate for dollars I am. sigh.)
I don’t know. I’d like to just get into a sweet groove with my creativity. Do my writing. Write this book. Do my photography. Find a way to make some money from it. I mentioned “Flickr Crushes” in an earlier post. I do actually have a sort of Flickr Crush on a female photographer in England. She does very creative photography and band photography. I just found her web site, a very polished and professional looking place. Maybe if I get something like that going. In the mean time I’ve got to figure out how to just make this stupid blogger page look better.
Comments
Finish your Dreamweaver class. Tough it out. No disrespect, but your goals and interests change very frequently. Now, there's nothing wrong with following one's interests and passions. But there's also something to be said for completing something and thoroughly exploring and understanding why you do or don't want to follow a given path, rather than moving on to another interest when something becomes challenging.
Every activity will have its challenges and frustrations, be it writing a novel, trying to get a job in the library science field, publishing your photography, or getting a web page to behave they way you want. You gravitated toward Dreamweaver and photography because trying to get a job in a library got frustrating. Now, you're contemplating moving to photography because the Dreamweaver is frustrating. When photography presents a tough challenge, where will you go?
Accept the challenge: finish the class. Passing the class is not tantamount to a career in web development--it's just a class. But finishing it will give you a sense of accomplishment and better enable you to successfully tackle the next challenge in your other interests.
Good luck,
Steve
I know anything to do with the net can be very frustrating.
The stuff I do (ASP.NET) is what makes dreamweaver work.
And the bizarre thing is that Dreamweaver doesn't do its stuff very well.
(It is one of the best Visual Editors for html.)
When it comes to doing commercial grade Web, you hand code it.
My recommendation is that you cut and paste, then flip to source and strip out
everything that is not content; place some < div>content< /div> tags around it.
And then pretty print format the content the way you want.
Then, you should get the basics of < table>< tr>< td>< /td>< /tr>,< /table> down
so that you can do what you want. It won't be pretty, but it will get you started.
Eric
My frustration with library work is two-fold. I didn't get that job that I applied for at the end of the summer, but I also developed a health issue; this problem with my legs and not being able to stand or bend/crouch over long periods of time.
As for the Dreamweaver class, on the first day of classes the head of the Multi-Media department came trolling for students because enrollment was low. Sparks went off in my head because of a bit of mania making me think that I could merge it all; photography, writing, and design my own websites to display it all.
This is a real fork in the road for me. Well not really because I know which path to take. I'm not going back into the tormented world of computer programming. I hated it. I love technology and playing with it, but I've got stories to write and sceneries to photograph. And only so many breaths left to breathe.