THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

in about 25 minutes i'll be submitting my "delete facebook account" request to the zuckerberg-god. i have no qualms about doing this. i've contemplated it for a couple of weeks now. and since announcing publicly on my actual facebook page yesterday that i was going to do it, there has been no resurgence of emotions that make me think i'm making a mistake. i feel good about this. i don't feel good physically today though. which is too bad because i have a great opportunity to go out and do something totally different than i normally do and be social in real life! the big, Google Plus UC Berkeley Photo Stroll is happening this evening at 6pm. I mean, I don't have anything else planned. It's just that I sort of feel like crap today. I didn't sleep good. I am starving but don't feel like eating, so I am weak and don't think that if I eat it's going to make me feel any sort of sustained equilibrium of strength. and my mood is wishy-washy...

i watched two films over the weekend. both the same night. rather unplanned. despite the fact that i had recorded them to my dvr about a week prior. one was a film that i had seen before, one or two times. the first time i saw it i was very upset emotionally. the film CLOSER with Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Jude Law and Natalie Portman. this time it did not upset me as much but i was still riveted to the storyline and performances. the second film was NEVER LET ME GO, which is a film adaptation from a book that Francesca Lia Block is very enamored to. that is pretty much the only reason i even know about the title. i picked up a copy of the book at the library once because she has it on her reading list for students who take her novel writing class. i got about 6 pages into it... not bad for my concentration level. but i really had no idea what the story was about. friendships, relationships, distress, sadness... sadly, the film, and i can say this from not even having read the book, d...

well, it's here. i've made up my mind. i don't need Facebook to be happy. in fact, during the past two weeks that i've been in deactivation-mode, i've been happier than i've been in a long time. partly because i've stopped worrying about how happy/unhappy all those other people that populate my Facebook world are. no longer having the forefront of my brain cluttered with confusing and misleading statuses by attention-get'ers and woe-is-me-ers, i've been able to begin a bit of a detoxification process of finding myself again. and it's been nice. (oh and don't get me wrong, i'm by no means discounting the fact that i was indeed an attention get'er and a woe-is-me'er too. being free from there for two weeks has helped me realize that i don't have to declare to the world, or my "hood" what i'm thinking or how i'm feeling every single day and expect pats on the back or condolences. it's just not necessary in b...

Katselin kaksi elokuvaa viikonloppuna.  molemmat samana yönä.  melko suunnittelematonta.  vaikka minulla oli kirjattu ne minun DVR noin viikkoa ennen.  yksi oli elokuva, jonka olin nähnyt ennen, yksi tai kaksi kertaa.  Ensimmäistä kertaa näin sen olin hyvin järkyttynyt emotionaalisesti.  elokuva lähemmäksi Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Jude Law ja Natalie Portman.  Tällä kertaa se ei järkyttää minua niin paljon, mutta olin edelleen kiinnitetty niitein juoni ja esityksiä. toinen elokuva ei koskaan Let Me Go, joka on elokuvan MUKAUTTAA kirja, Francesca Lia Block on hyvin ihastunut sen.  että on melko paljon Ainoa syy miksi edes tiedä otsikko.  Otin kopion kirjan kirjastosta heti, koska hän on se hänen lukemistoon opiskelijoille, jotka ottavat hänen romaanin kirjoittamista luokka.  Sain noin 6 sivua siihen ...  Ei paha minun pitoisuus.  mutta en todellakaan ollut aavistustakaan, mitä tarina oli noin.  ystävyyssuhteita, suhteita,...

i don’t make sense. the way i do things. the way i think. the way i act. how i’ll ever get to the end of the game of life and be considered anything but a fool no one will be able to explain. i won’t even have an onlooker who will care to say, “yeah, he was weird but he meant well.” because no one but my shadow sees my actions and thoughts… see, even now i’m not making sense. anyway, i’m going to ramble like crazy in this post. there is no one to talk to anymore. no one at all. i don’t even dream of having i conversation with anyone anymore. the desire has died. to be with someone. to be understood by someone. to be appreciated by someone. it just doesn’t matter. wanting does nothing but wear you out. it’s better to just be. came very close to changing the location of this blog. by that i mean “hiding” this blog. changing it’s name so that it cannot be found by anyone that knows it by it’s old name. the first step towards that anonymity i cancelled the mailing list for this blog. i d...

a long time ago, maybe 16 years or so ago, a person with some sort of acclaimed psychic awareness told me that they thought pains i described in my back, that i said felt like i had been stabbed with swords were actually my (angelic) wings being pinned to me, and that if the pins were pulled out the pains would go away because i'd be able to spread my wings and fly. i asked her if she were able to pull out the pins for me... i'm feeling those same symptomatic pains again now. a lot recently. and my first reaction again is to think that someone is stabbing me. that i'm laying facedown in a muddy field somewhere, trampled by enemies and swords are being thrust into my body. i've frozen up a lot creatively in the last week. because of this pain. it's just a single building block in my overall construction. if i don't feel good physically i can't think freely. the flow gets clogged. it's partly the construct of my workflow. i predominately feel good when...

since i opened the new website, which is something that i should have figured out how to do years ago, my thinking is starting to change about where i show my work. first thoughts are to stop displaying them in flickr and facebook. not entirely though. i will still store them in flickr but i may decide to start to only store them there privately. two reasons for this. one is that so few people look at or comment on my photos, the social networking aspect of using the site is null and void for me now. i don't feel like it's of any use to keep showing new work there. whether i'll keep displaying my existing work there or not, i'm not sure yet. it's something i debated earlier this year but that was more of spiritual conflict. i still think there is some spiritual conflict elements in this current strain of thought but it's just not quite as gooey. 2nd reason to keep storing photos in flickr is because of it's direct connection to making blurb books. if at some...