THIS Rhett Butler Will Never Die

 

A vacuum; my mind is like a vacuum. No, that’s not right. Time is a vacuum cleaner and it sucks out the contents of my mind. I’ve lost nine days. I won’t tell you how or what I was doing – just take my word for it that I was unable to write, even for this blog record. And now I must refill, recharge, restart – damn, I just gotta start writing again. I have to admit that one thing is really giving me a lot of difficulty right now and that thing is beginning; writing the first sentence. I feel like it would be easier to start mid-paragraph and then write the first sentence later after I get a better feeling of how it is that the story is being told. What a great idea! I have been telling my girlfriend a story at night for her to go to sleep by. As it turns out it is a pretty good story and I am starting to think about actually writing it. This is all I need; a competition in my mind for my attention to be divided amongst competitors. I cannot do this. If I do anything I have to b...

Something is amiss today. A sobering, smoldering sense of something or other has descended upon me and well, I am feeling rather melancholy. It is a little like a depression, a sadness, or a disappointment. Not really quite sure what has prompted it as I have not felt exactly this way in a fair while. An actual thought of suicide popped into my mind; not so much of a need or a deed but a familiar, old sensibility that it is a friend that will always be available to take me all the way home. Regardless, this being a familiar feeling makes it rather welcome. It feels a little med induced. I did have trouble getting to sleep last night – had only taken .5 Ambien at 9pm thinking that I’d get to sleep early; which I did. But I awoke around 4am and had to take another .5 to get back to sleep. Morning meds have just been plain old strange for weeks now. I can’t control how I am going to feel any morning at all and usually am not able to do anything until noon. Writing to...

I found a buyer for my VAIO desktop computer system and I’m giving him a real deal. I need the money to satisfy some of my creditors after some massive purchases I made in this past month. This is going to push all of my computing onto the laptop. Which in essence is fine. It just means that I have to become even more careful of it. Of how I treat it and the data that is on it and that I never loose it or let it be stolen. I have got to devise a back up procedure by which I everyday archive new files off the hard drive. And this ushers in this new, large project of printing off all of my doc files that I have written over the past year that I can use. I’ll order the laser printer tonight or tomorrow. Well, this is a first, this new entry. I’m going to file it in the personal diary category. Practically everything I used to write for my blog was personal, and I’ve strongly stated that this blog is a writing diary but I don’t know, every once in awhile will you mind if I just spi...

The scheme of the writing, that is it! Everything I have made as notes for my novel so far this year, that is what I want to use as the second level voice that i write my novel with. The voice that I think and scheme with, the voice that I make propositions with and that I explore options of ideas with as… god this is just more bullshit… A novel about writing a novel, well, why wouldn’t that work? Ok man, get clear on what is you mean here. You flounder around all over the place and this central idea gets weak… And when it does the whole thing falls apart. OH MAN HOW ABOUT THIS! Write your novel about ( The Cemetery Suicides 8 DARYLBARNETT ) . But then write the second voices tale separately? Like part two of the book? but that would be weird, who would be interested in reading an appendix after they read a story, unless the after-story was as , if not more interesting than what they had just read? Now that could be something. The reader would get about halfway (or more) thr...

I have so much to build a story from but when I try to force it into something usable it just doesn’t’ work. Is this the way to do it? I’ve said this so many times, that I want to tell you the story of me trying to write this story. Tell you about the whys and the how to’s that I choose to include to explain what I tell you. for instance, why do I insist on talking so damn much about cemeteries? Why does talking with the dead, or trying to fascinate me so much? (I don’t care about the fact that other people can do so. It is my own need to do so that is important and so damned interesting to me.) I am glad that I wrote so much about my torment of loneliness since last July because those pieces carry so much description of my raw and hurt, desperate emotions. I believe that I can cull through that work and find much work from which I can draw upon to begin the actual work of my novel from. So this means that I need to start the tedious task of mulling through my transcripts. I t...