Monday, where will you take me todaaaaay...

 First off, I'M IN THE LIBRARY CAFE enjoying coffee and danish. The ritual begins!! I'm here an hour later than I was on my last visit, but that's ok! I'm my own boss, I can set my own hours! Well except GOD really is who my boss is and I work according to his urgings and musings inside my heart... I'm just glad both of my bosses cooperated and got me here today!!!

I made a surprising discovery over the weekend. MY TWITTER ACCOUNT is NOT suspended or closed, the way that I thought it was... about 8 months ago I received an email from Twitter saying that I had violated terms of service and that they were shutting my account down and that I would be prohibited from ever making a new account. I had not been using Twitter since the pandemic began and KNOW that I never posted anything controversial in the slightest degree... when I read that email I was just like, well this is the weirdness of the world now, and accepted it. A few days ago I was asking a friend about converting photos into NFTS for profit and he said, "You need to have a good following on Twitter..."... I told him the ugh story, and decided to open up the Twitter app and see if my account had been deleted, etc.... well, it is still there and a msg flashed on the screen saying ACCOUNT SUSPENDED... but I just followed my instincts, and shared something from the youtube to see if it would post on my account. IT WORKED. I did not have to contact them at all.... so this weekend I posted a buncha stuff similar to how I used to post and it all went live. Even attracted a couple of new followers. Thing is, in scanning the stuff that other people are posting, TWITTER HAS NOT CHANGED. it's still a place where mediocre people say mediocre things about what great people they are and how important their work is... ugh, it's so boring... I'm no different there. I don't bare my soul there either... it's some kinda spellwork being done that makes everyone behave the same I'll probably become bored with it, again, and go hang out in nature instead... we'll see.

So what else is on my mind this morning??

I've been binge-watching THE AMERICANS... a tv series that tells the story about a married couple from Russia that were trained to be spies in America during the 80s. Intense drama that seems suitable for this time when relations with Russia are at new levels of bedevilery. Not sure exactly what I'm benefitting from it... in many ways, it's a waste of time and energy... maybe this is a good topic to begin to explore... my addiction to the television... in the past month I have stopped watching ANY news on tv. I had been watching the national evening news reports EVERY evening, for the past two years, and I'd watch the local news... so from 5pm-7pm weeknights I'd watch those shows regularly. A month ago, I started to question, "Is this serving my soul's purpose?" and the feeling I got back was NO. There have been other times when I've disconnected from the new when the flow of God in my consciousness was hyper-strong... namely, after coming home from spending weeks at Gurumayi's ashram in upper-state New York where I had participated in intense devotional chanting and meditation... when I came home, EVERYTHING of the world lost its savor for me... I was plugged into a higher level of consciousness than I had ever experienced before and news of the world did not allure me anymore, nor did it carry any sting of fear. I'm not in that same deep level of awareness right now, it's a similar vein of energy... I'll just have to see where it leads... but for now, it feels very clean to lose this obsession with having to be aware of what the world believes is happening...

Converting that free time and reclaimed energy for other purposes, that's what I must delve into next. Further, along that line of thought, I'm finding that I am on the verge of watching less programming on mainstream television... the only shows that I'm addicted to now are The Price is Right, and Let's Make a Deal in the mornings and Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune at night. literally, everything else that I watch on the main networks, I can view in streaming apps... So if I can either break these addictions to these shows or find another way to view them, I might be able to discontinue my subscription to YouTube TV, which would save me about $20 a month...  

It's all about me reclaiming what I want my life's energy to be used doing... The hours that tv watching steals from me that I could be dedicating to other things, it's a slippery argument... I used to argue that I needed these video stories, acted out by performers in shows... The Americans, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, X-Files... they provided me with soul comfort for a lonely man's life who lacked interaction in relationships with other humans. There were YEARS/DECADES when I was so lonely and separated from interactions with humans that these video dramas gave me soul comfort.... but it was not real. it was not true. It was a form of hypnotism that tricked me into feeling less alone... and I believed in it. I bought it hook, line and sinker... I was truly co-dependent on these false image relationships...... and now, I feel like, even though I still have not found real-life people to live amongst (still single, even though I have close friends)... I feel stronger supporting myself from the inside. My connection with God has matured and I feel more confident in believing that what my soul needs to be fulfilled comes silently and invisibly from the voids of space where God is ever-present...

There are times when I can hear my guides whispering to me, TAKE YOUR SCISSORS AND CUT THE POWER CORD TO YOUR TV, hahahaha and GO COLD TURKEY, jump into the void and be here with us... I haven't done that and don't think I will... but I'm inching closer and closer to ending my dependence on these false friends .... 

wow, did not know I was going to talk about all this right now, that was fun!! thanks for listening!!