dreaming and scheming...
Just making some notes while I have these ideas running through my mind. They are strange and I don't know if I'll ever think them again.
Since I've started working on these ideas of ancestral healing, I've been getting lots of ideas from the lives that my ancestors lived. There were a lot of farmers in my family line. A lot of them lived in Ohio. And they had big families with lots of kids.
I told my new friend Libby about the desire, idea that I came up with when I lived in Ireland of wanting to have an organic farming operation there and she was really excited by the idea of that. It never came off the ground because I didn't have enough money to buy, or even rent a farm. I told her about how my son has been living out my thoughts about becoming a missionary over there too...
Thinking more about the effects my ancestors have had on my life, and upon the life of my family, I have thought for a long time that we were cursed by my father's ghost after he died because he was jealous of who my mom married after he died. He cursed my brother and I and kept us from ever being able to make money.
So I've started to investigate who the family members are in my tree, and by simply learning their names, where they lived, how old they were, and where they are buried, I'm feeling like I can make spiritual contact with them. And I'm praying to help them. To help them. I want them to be healthy in the spirit realm, so that they can bless me with the energy of their wisdom from the other side.
Anyway, today I'm having visions in my head of buying a farm in Oregon, and carrying on the family tradition of living off the land. It feels like something that would bring such peace of mind to me, to live healthy and in love with a great woman. This is the other thought I've been having for a couple of weeks now, that I'm going to meet the greatest, most loving woman of my life, and that she's going to love me perfectly. I feel like I want to have another child when I am with this person.
I've never thought, not since the 90s when I was in the ashram community that I'd fall in love again, or be able to begin a new family. I was so gung ho on that idea back then, prayed so hard to meet someone. There was NO ONE that was interested in being with me, a single father of a rambunctious teenage boy. If I'm going to meet someone this year it's going to because I have money. No one will touch me with a 10 yard pole now with me being broke. But once I have some financial security, there will be plenty of women for me to choose from. I just ask for wisdom to know who the best one will be for me.
That's the other thing talking to my ancestors is making me feel, that they are going to break the curses that have kept me money and loveless. And I'm going to finally get the windfall that I've been suspicious of receiving for a very long time. Somehow, now, my karma has unwound and life is gonna get wonderful.
This is just a ramble, unfounded on anything but my incessant wishful thinking. It just feels now different and more possible than ever before. What better way to pass the time than to have happy thoughts?
Since I've started working on these ideas of ancestral healing, I've been getting lots of ideas from the lives that my ancestors lived. There were a lot of farmers in my family line. A lot of them lived in Ohio. And they had big families with lots of kids.
I told my new friend Libby about the desire, idea that I came up with when I lived in Ireland of wanting to have an organic farming operation there and she was really excited by the idea of that. It never came off the ground because I didn't have enough money to buy, or even rent a farm. I told her about how my son has been living out my thoughts about becoming a missionary over there too...
Thinking more about the effects my ancestors have had on my life, and upon the life of my family, I have thought for a long time that we were cursed by my father's ghost after he died because he was jealous of who my mom married after he died. He cursed my brother and I and kept us from ever being able to make money.
So I've started to investigate who the family members are in my tree, and by simply learning their names, where they lived, how old they were, and where they are buried, I'm feeling like I can make spiritual contact with them. And I'm praying to help them. To help them. I want them to be healthy in the spirit realm, so that they can bless me with the energy of their wisdom from the other side.
Anyway, today I'm having visions in my head of buying a farm in Oregon, and carrying on the family tradition of living off the land. It feels like something that would bring such peace of mind to me, to live healthy and in love with a great woman. This is the other thought I've been having for a couple of weeks now, that I'm going to meet the greatest, most loving woman of my life, and that she's going to love me perfectly. I feel like I want to have another child when I am with this person.
I've never thought, not since the 90s when I was in the ashram community that I'd fall in love again, or be able to begin a new family. I was so gung ho on that idea back then, prayed so hard to meet someone. There was NO ONE that was interested in being with me, a single father of a rambunctious teenage boy. If I'm going to meet someone this year it's going to because I have money. No one will touch me with a 10 yard pole now with me being broke. But once I have some financial security, there will be plenty of women for me to choose from. I just ask for wisdom to know who the best one will be for me.
That's the other thing talking to my ancestors is making me feel, that they are going to break the curses that have kept me money and loveless. And I'm going to finally get the windfall that I've been suspicious of receiving for a very long time. Somehow, now, my karma has unwound and life is gonna get wonderful.
This is just a ramble, unfounded on anything but my incessant wishful thinking. It just feels now different and more possible than ever before. What better way to pass the time than to have happy thoughts?
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